What did your parents do right?

[luckylady74]

I've been thinking a lot about how I parent and what I'd like to change. My parents weren't perfect, but I've decided to emulate what they did do right and I was wondering what others thought their parents did right?

My Mum loved us unconditionally when we were small.Never shouted or smacked. Instilled a love of reading and was never materialistic.
When I was a young teen she took me to the ladies only swim sessions on saturday morning and for a bacon sandwich afterwards -special time!My dad was less involved, but did have a sense of humour.

not an awful lot really
My mother was good at bedtimes,lots of stories,songs,poems...was always my favourite time of the day.

Nothing tbh.

I always felt that they preferred my brother to me.

My brother always felt that they preferred me to him.

So I guess they must have been quite fair.

They instilled in us a sense of fair play. If something is wrong or unfair, we are not frightened of standing up and defending ourselves/others.

They taught us that we could be whatever we wanted to be, regardless of gender or academic ability, or even what they wanted for us, by working hard for what we want.

Ultimately, they taught us that nobody is perfect, Daddy doesn't have all the answers and Mummy isn't always going to be the only one you want to give you a hug.

They did ok.

Mum was very easy to talk to and I felt I could tell her anything, no matter how bad.

They loved taking us out for trips and would spend a lot of time arranging surprises for us - something I still love today.

Mum loved reading and instilled that in me.

She was very fair, not bitchy and would laugh at anything, herself included. She was a very special person.

Dad was a bit shouty and too strict, so not great, but it was clear they loved us a lot.

My Mum was at school for every play/concert/show etc come rain or shine, she read to me, sang to me an always had time for me. She was always proud of me whatever, and always told me so.

My Dad always told me he loved me, always hugged me, took me swimming, helped with homeworkand sent me choc's on valentiens day if I had my heart broken by a cad! He did not treat me like his little princess, but like an ittelligent strong woman with her own mind.

We were loved. Quietly and consistently. We did occassionally get smacked and punished but it was rare. They gave the impression that bringing us up was their main job - everything else came second. They shared everything with us and treated us as important individuals within the family, not just as children. They taught us that what mattered was people not things. Anyone that judges you on your possessions is not worth giving a t*ss about. If you treat others with respect and consideration, 99 times out of 100 that is what you get back...and I've found that to be true. No matter who they are. As a child I was very shy and as a young adult but those rules helped me through.

Their childhoods were both so appalling and basically dysfunctional in different ways. I am truly in awe of what they acheived with no role models of normal family life.

I loved that lovely clean fabric softner smell on my school uniform on a monday morning. I think that she instilled that those simple things are what matters.
My boy always has lovely clean clothes to wear.(cheap and allot of hand me downs btw)
How much she covered up for us kids, how she didnt let us be aware of awful things happening to her in her marriage.
How important family life is. for that i am amazed as she had a miserable life with my dad.
Dad is another matter and he has taught me so so much by his lack of parenting and mistakes.
He did show me the importance of education and of believing in myself.
He gave us love, he was a cuddly dad who played with us allot and who made us laugh.
My dh is like this but he is actually "INTERESTED" in our son, my dad did not seem to be much of the time.
All in all they were ok role models.

They were sticklers for good manners - in a good way. They were very very welcoming and hospitable. People (our friends their friends, neighbours, the Priest, anyone really) were very readily invited to stay for supper or lunch and callers to the house were always invited in. I am amazed at people who keep people on their doorsteps - it is really rude. Why do people do this?

any more?

My parents loves me alot. My mum and I went shopping every Saturday (sometimes just window shopping). My mum taught me to love reading, we always sat together in the sun and read books. Thus my good grades in languages. My mum still gives me very good advice on what to wear (she is so modern and hip, very good taste).
When my dad didn't work early shift he always made me breakfast and my sandwiches for lunch. He had the patience to teach me my maths. I'm 29 but still he'll give me money and say "Go buy yourself something nice".
We went on holiday every year as a family.

One thing that my mum never did but what I'm determine to do with my DD is that she must come to me with any problem that she has. I couldn't go to my mum with surtain things like boys, sex, money and so on. Want my DD to talk to me about everything.

for me it is that they showed me that you can love someone even though you can have highs and lows in your relationship.

I don't know how many times mum told me she and dad were going to separate, but they worked on it and this year is their 40th wedding anniversary. They are happier now than they have ever been.

When I got together with Dh I knew there would be times we would have to work hard at our relationship but that there would also be good times as well.

Lots and lots of things that I will do differently though!

some of these are very moving - I so often focus on my very troubled teens/early twenties when it comes to my relationship with my parents and then my dad's subsequent death.It is really positive for me to be thinking about the good times.
'They loved me quietly and consistently' - I'll aim for that.

They loved us.
They supported us in pursuing our interests and aptitudes.
They were generally patient - but had limits like all humans, and snapped at times!
They played games with us, read to us, came to us in the night when we were afraid or lonely or ill.
They made mistakes - and apologised for it.
They got cross and showed us it was not the end of everything.
They coped with our anger and showed us it was not the end of everything.
And they let go of us as we reached for independence.

remember on time i bleached my hair myslf aged about 15, omg what a disaster i looked a right fright, told my mum, thinking she'd give me a right what have you done bollocking, she was really cool about it and went to tescos and brought some hair dye and dyed it back to dark brown

mum was just so kind and understanding about it

Left me to my own devices once I got old enough, so fairly independant. Mum always got annoyed that I wouldn't go to her with problems :-p

My parents were separated but my mum always instilled good manners in me which has stood me in good stead. One thing I really like about my mum is she let me be myself and never put pressure on me and let me be independent. My dad wasn't your conventional dad but I always knew he loved me and he eduacted me about music.

My parents never commented on my crazy fashion crazes, or my appearence in general. I have a friend who's mum used to say 'Lets see about getting your nose reduced' and she was in counselling for ages with body issues!

My mum is toxic and my dad is great but grumpy. They did some really bad things but some very good ones in bringing us up.

We grew up in a house full of discussion, dinner parties discussing Henry V and whether it was simply patriotic guff or a great play with academics from a University. Books everywhere, music and opera, a home full of culture and constant exposure to theatre, concerts, art and debate. Intellectual abilities placed over everything else and a grudging respect for rule breakers.

A very left wing and political house. We were expected to know what was going on and debate the issues of the day over tea.

All of this made me unafraid to debate with anyone or to feel inferior in terms of intellectual ability. It also gave me a love of literature and the arts.

They had me!

They did loads right. The really standout thing though isn't applicable to my parenting.

My mum was a single parent until I was 4 (biological father never on the scene), when she married and her husband (my wonderful dad) adopted me. The great thing is that there was never any hushing up of this, it was all quite open, yet I have never once felt any different to my brother and sister who arrived later. It was no secret, yet no no big deal either.

I am exceptionally lucky in both my parents.

I always knew I was loved.

Nothing else matters.