Hello everyone
im just looking for a bit of advice or moral support! And to know is this all normal!?
I have two boys who are amazing but I’m really struggling as the 4 month old will not be put down. He starts to cry and get really upset if I put him down but if I tend to his every need my eldest gets completely ignored. I feel like he’s just watching TV all the time because I can’t even shower to get out of the house. Getting each one ready even proves difficult because the little one just cannot entertain himself. Then the toddler starts getting every toy out from under the sun or starts screaming impatiently as he doesn’t quite understand about waiting.
I feel so bad too because the eldest was so focused on in his infancy that he learned loads and my youngest still can’t roll because I’ve not been able to encourage and play with him like the first. The toddler is also not great with food and refuses to eat so we’ve got a lot of stress going on in that area. My partner works full time whereas I’m freelance so I’m the primary carer which I absolutely love but I spend my days freaking out about work, watching the world pass me by and worried about providing so I’m not always fully present. It’s got even worse with the mortgages and cost of living etc. I hate that I’m not because this time is so fleeting.
I feel like all I’m feeding the first one is what Jamie oliver tried to abolish from schools! And from having no in the beginning to slowly seeing a gormless zombie! He plays well independently but I just feel he’s always getting the short end of the stick.
It seems like I’m unable to get anything done. We live in a 1 bed apartment at the moment waiting for our house to sell so it just feels like constantly living in mess and laundry. My partner constantly tells me how anxious everything makes him and I think but you get to leave!?! I’m in the eye of the storm. I breast feed exclusively and he almost blames me at times like I’ve made things harder by not offering formula so I could work more or have time to exercise etc but this is always a bone of contention for me as I feel he’s got it easy never having to wake for night feedings. I sleep on the sofa as it is why youngest in the crib because we have no space.
I guess I just want to know how did others navigate this mum guilt and how did they get stuff done!?! I do wear a sling a lot to try and do things but he’s almost too big to keep bending forward and backwards whilst cleaning etc. I’m very petite and he’s quite chunky. He actually sometimes obstructs my line of sight he’s so big lol So i get hot and flustered.
I just want to be a better parent and have more of a hold of my life. I feel like it her people are bossing it and I imagined I’d be more on top of it but after horrendous sleep with my first who's only slept through twice in his life, I just feel so exhausted and can’t seem to keep up with all that’s being thrown at me. Is this all normal?