Feeling like a RUBBISH mum! Help :(

[Mumof1forNow]

Hi everyone, I hate to complain but i just need to get it off my chest. I'm just not getting anything right lately, wondering if I'll ever get a grip?!

I love my DD (2 years old) to bits but honestly since she was around 8/9 months its just been rollercoaster, I feel I've e never quite been able to get fully on top of things but I had a lot of help before, now I hardly have any help and I'm feeling it horribly. We've recently moved into a new house after living with inlaws for 7 years and being under someone else's say so for so long, I just thought this would be an amazing opportunity to create a great little life for ourselves with our little one but its just not happening the way I'd hoped. On top of that I recently found out im pregnant again (im almost 12 weeks now) and for the last 2 months I'm just zapped of all energy. Literally just eating breakfast floors me, (if i manage to make some) and i want to cook fresh for us, I enjoy cooking but the of mess it makes, leaves me feeling defeated even if i manage it. Currently a sink of half washed pots downstairs which has been there for 2 days. I'm feeling so sluggish all the time, my digestion is off, my iron/vit d is low and remembering to take suppliments is so hard, thankfully no sickness. I havent told anyone barring 1 friend and DH so feeling really alone. My mum is ill and i care for her twice a week, i jusy feel like she'll think im selfish for getting pregnant again but i really wanted to give my daughter a sibling as i was raised as an only child. Not sure how ill juggle everyhthing when new baby born but thankfully my mums doing better so shes been managing to get out and make it to our house, otherwise I'd be in a mess.
I hardly manage cook, when I was pregnant with my daughter the first time I felt absolutely amazing! Diet was amazing, I was on top of everything!

The one thing I can't seem to get right with my DD is just setting a good routine for her, from the time she goes to bed (between 8-10pm) to the time she wakes up (between 8.30-10am) to meal times, to potty training. On top of everything, she dropped her naps about a month ago and I always relied on that time to just recuperate but now I don't even have that and I'm feeling frazzled. Shes supposed to be starting nursery middle of Jan and we need to be up from 7 to be ready in time but that just seems impossible as I find it impossible to get up before 9.30. Even if little one wakesup early i just stick phone on for her. I also havent potty trianed her even though shes showing signs of readiness ive put it off because i know life will have to stop to train her for a week and everything already just a bloody mess both metephorically and physically.

I don't want it to stay like this :( It's my job as a mum to set boundaries and create consistency, i only have one child and it shouldnt be this hard fgs, now I'm wondering how on earth ill manage with 2. I don't drive so taking DD places is so much effort especially in this colder weather. I want to start lessons when she starts nursery but not sure if much point as i'd only have 5 months to learn and pass before new baby born but if I don't learn I'm sure I'll just be more housebound that what we already are. DH is around but he's so busy in the week with work and Uni, then the weekends all we seem to get done is a food shop and cooking dinner the days are over. In the week I'm always cooking late, I feel so unorganised, most people I know prep everything in the morning or cook in the mornings but because im struggling so much with energy levels i cant get up and organised the way I want to.

I've rambled so much but I guess I'm just wanting to know if anyone has felt like this before and made it out the other side? Will it ever get better? Any tips? :( I want to be supermum, it's what my daughter deserves.

I’m sorry you’re struggling. I was the same with 2nd pregnancy - zero energy. What may help is breaking down things into priorities and working in that way, if you try “fix” everything at once you’ll just get overwhelmed and probably achieve nothing. I would focus on getting a rough routine for you and DD - basics like wake up time, sleep time etc. and then remove pressure to cook from scratch and batch cook where you can. Check with your GP on the low vit D - this could easily be addressed with a supplement and make a huge difference to your mood and energy levels. Finally, you’ll probably feel better after the first trimester and things will seem easier. The first trimester is always the worst in my experience. Good luck! Oh, and you are not a rubbish mum. You are an exhausted mum.

Don't be too hard on yourself. It's a new house, your all ads ping plus being pregnant and feeling rubbish on top. Where's dh in this? I'd start with a decent bed time routine and if he's home get him to help. Upstairs at 645, bath, teeth, pjs, story and bed by 730. Then have a couple of hours chill time . Be in bed by 930 dd sleeps well so hopefully sleep till roughly 730. Then breakfast and dressed. If you feel more ill than reasonable for pregnancy or depressed then go back to doctor for help. Does dd nap? If so use that time to rest , if not sleep. Also could in-laws have her a couple times a week or go nursery? To give u a break.

The exhaustion in a second pregnancy is tough - you’re not failing. Congratulations - it’s exciting! Put your worries about what your mum will think to one side, I’m sure she’ll be delighted by another grandchild.

Your DH has to help more in the evenings so you can rest. I’m sure he’s tired and busy from work etc but you’re growing a new human so he needs to do more right now. He can either cook dinner or put the toddler to bed. He can wash a sink of pots.

Get toddler to bed by 8pm. Work back from there with a routine for tea, bath etc.

Why do you need to be up so early for nursery if you don’t work?

You are underestimating quite how much low vitamin d and iron can impact you and are being way too hard on yourself. I have low vitamin d (38) and just started supplements. I am exhausted and often fall asleep on the sofa late afternoon. I have 3 children and feel run ragged quite often.

You are pregnant AND have 2 deficiencies. Set an alarm in your phone to take your supplements with breakfast, they absorb better when taken with food. Lay them out the night before in your cereal bowl (in a safe place). Eat iron rich foods and try to get outside as much as you can. I dont drive and know its hard but even a walk around the block will be helpful.

Stop being so hard on yourself. Take a look at Jordan Page (fun, cheap or free) on YouTube - she does lots of productivity and life organisation stuff which is really helpful and might give you some ideas (check out her block schedule).

I had iron deficiency in my second pregnancy, it utterly floored me, and I picked up three horrendous chest infections in a row, I was ill for two months give or take.

If I were you I would prioritise that issue first. As a pp said, set a reminder to take the supplements, or speak to your midwife about other treatment options. Once you have this sorted you will feel better about a lot of other things.

My other piece of advice is to lower your expectations for a bit. Cooked from fresh is great, and when you ate feeling capable of it, fine. But when you are not, keep it simple. Basic healthy dishes you can put together quickly, cereal or porridge for breakfast some days, it's all fine. Don't make things harder for yourself.

I just want to thank everyone for all your kind comments, I didn't mean to post an run just figuring out hiw to get out of this rut but all the advice you have shared with me has been incredibly helpful and I will definitely take it all on board! Feeling positive.

Definitely looking into Jordan page, I love watching videos, I can manage that at least lol thanks so much!

I agree. I just put off asking for help and it's only harming myself. I will have a chat with him.

As for Nursery, I'm desperate to do my driving, knowing DD is in a positive place learning and enjoying herself rather than being bored at home not doing I feel will remove the burden from me and motivate me to get started and keep at it. Also if I'm up early for her I have no excuse not to do things I need to get done!