6 months paternity leave - how to use it?

[Matleavemummy]

Not sure if this is the best place to put this, so apologies.

ok here goes.. appreciate I / we are in a very fortunate position - we are very very lucky and would like advice from others who have been in the same fortunate position as us.

i am pregnant with our 2nd. Our toddler will be 2.5 when they baby arrives. My husband is entitled to 6 months paternity leave which he can split so he can 6 months over 12 months, rather than having to take it all at once (he can choose, with up front agreement by employer)

my immediate thought was “great, first 6 months we have daddy at home” but I’m now wondering if it’s best to stagger it a bit. Is anyone out there in the fortunate position to have had this too, and any advice on what to do/not to do?

im thinking the following:

its likely to be a csection so having him
at home the 1st 6weeks will be a god send, but after then how helpful will it be when he’s around? Would it be better for him to take 6 weeks at the beginning? Then 4.5 months at the end when they baby is older, and life is more “fun”? Will we kill eachother if he’s off for a whole 6 months off? Our toddler will be at nursery 3 days a week - if baby is 7-8 weeks old and toddler at nursery, would we be thinking he’d be more useful later in the year when the baby isn’t attached to me?

would him taking lots of Fridays off for an entire year be a good way to eat into his paternity leave?

I know we are desperate for equality in the workplace, but should we consider that 6 months off is probably less disruptive than taking time off here and there? We are considering how time off will effect work and projects and are considering taking time off around that too - which I know isn’t what us women do, and it annoys me men think this way, but hey Ho!

any tips, ideas and advice very well received, thank you

I think the best from a family perspective would be 3 months at the beginning and then one or two days every week until it's all used up. Whether that would work for him career wise though is another question.

I think the beginning is harder so that's when you're most likely to need him. Unless you fancy going travelling for a period of time, in which case go at the end when the baby is easier.

I would definitely have him home the first month to six weeks until baby is at least vaguely out of being nocturnal and you've large recovered from you c-section. My DH for various reasons finished a job when DD was 6 months old so we took effectively an extended paternity leave before he looked for a new job. It was fantastic. We were able to go out and do things together and it was a wonderful time for us to have. I know it's different with baby number 2 but I think a lot of the pros are still there.

Of course everyone will be different, but we did shared leave (6 months each) split so we did the first three together then three months each alone. Those first three together were so wonderful- shared time looking after each other for naps, walking the dog, lunch out while the baby slept in the pram, I would not replace them.

I think its best to have some time alone with baby. So maybe first 2 or 3 months together then spread it out a bit

Maybe he could take a day a week so you can go out by yourself or something? Or if you're planning to go back to work it might help you out there?

I’d take a bit at the start, and then a big block at once and go travelling - what a great opportunity to do that

One month at beginning. 2 months at end after you return to work (if that's the plan). Other 3 months used to work part time.

I had an EMCS under GA. Within 3 weeks I was desperate ok for dh to get back to work and leave me to it without having to discuss and agree every move 🤣

Personally I think a couple of days each week to let me catch up on sleep would have been good or later in the first year to allow me to go back to work earlier and build up some savings for childcare.

Friends of ours had this - he took 6 week blocks (or near enough - think it was 3x 6 weeks and 1x 8 weeks. They timed it so it was obviously one right as the baby was born, one over Christmas and new year to do lots of lovely family things (also had a toddler), one right at the end and then the other was between the two longest stints. Effectively meant he did 6 weeks on 6 weeks off (ish) at work I think.

They were able to do things like a month in Spain out of school holidays just relaxing and getting their toddler in the pool every day, doing wonderful festive things midweek when the prices were lower and going to see family who live all over the Uk for longer stints without feeling like it was encroaching on family time.

I think with odd days here and there you are more likely to have the days become family admin days and not the once in a lifetime opportunity it could otherwise be

Second this. Was waving DH out the door and back to work after both his paternity stints. I found it SOOOOOOOO much easier when he wasn't there as I could get into my own swing of things and miraculously was never late again.... funny how I can get myself, DD and the twins ready and still be waiting on DH.... but thats a different thread

we saved the augmented paternity leave for when I went back to work, I thought everybody did that?

It has to be used within 12 months, so I would be back at work!

What a wonderful opportunity for you and your family @Matleavemummy ! I wish my DH had a similar opportunity, instead he 'might' take some of his 2weeks statutory pat leave when my DC2 is born when my toddler is also 2.5 😩

I think, were I presented with the same opportunity as you, that I would have him take the first block of say 6 weeks off, them a few days of part time here and there (perhaps 1 day a week when the toddler isn't at nursery) for a few weeks, then have a big long chunk when baby is 9m ish to have a long holiday when it's cheap during term time. And then if any left, part time again until it's used up.

Whatever you choose and his work can accommodate, you will make the most of it for sure.