What is your 4yo DD like?

[Allezallezallez2023]

I’m unsure whether my 4.5 yo DD’s behaviour is normal or not. (She’s my first child and I have no close friends with kids.)

• gets “manic” daily, at least once, normally at bedtime. Will run around cackling hysterically, throw things, bite me, “whip” me with soft toys. Often this only ends when she hurts herself eg runs into something
• frequent meltdowns / tantrums, screams & shouts
• hit a friend on a play date recently (this has only happened the once)
• Normally very social with other children, but does say she needs “alone time” at times
• loves school & isn’t ahead but is on track. Vocabulary and speech very advanced & always has been.
• can be very loving, eg gets very concerned if someone is sick or hurt

Background is loving & stable. No issues at home. No one in the family is violent, or watches violent films or anything like that. We are a fun family, but do enforce boundaries & expect good behaviour eg she has to say please & thank you,has to sit down to eat - basic stuff really.

Sounds alot like our youngest lo, except for the hitting. Things improved by 5 and a half.

Normal compared to my DD who is nearly 5. Many manic episodes and tantrums throughout the day.

But I also have an older DD who loses her temper very easily and is frequently aggressive so this may influence the younger one.
I think it sounds quite normal for a 4 year old, particularly after starting school and should start to settle down a bit.

She has some similarities to mine who has only just turned 4.

Can get a bit manic before bed, lots of running and silly noises. Doesn't do the biting and whipping though and doesn't need to hurt herself for it to end.

We don't have frequent tantrums and meltdowns but we do have frequent disagreements where she struggles to take no for an answer. Doesn't generally turn in to a meltdown though.

I've never seen her hit another child, and I've never experienced her say she wants alone time when other children are around, she always wants to play. When other kids aren't around she'll happily sit on her own with some arts and crafts.

She loves preschool and is also very ahead in terms of speech and vocabulary.

Is also very loving.

She's generally high energy, talks non-stop. Chitters when she's in bed. Can be very determined and independent and when she puts her mind to something she generally just does it. Little firecracker basically.

You sound like you're concerned about the violence. It doesn't sound like anything I've not seen from other children at this age tbh.

Sounds pretty much the same as my DS who is the same age. Only thing he doesn't do it the biting although he has done this once or twice in the past but not for a year or so. Otherwise I'm assuming all things normal for a 4 year old

I don't think there's anything too unusual for the age there but possibly they need a bit more opportunity to burn of some energy being physical. Does she get much outdoor play/soft play/ parks etc? Some kids really want to rough house and it sounds like she might be trying to do that in the run up to bedtime? Just some things to consider but I wouldn't be worried.

@Tuillyod we’re very outdoorsy/ sporty and have a massive garden so no shortage of physical activity

Thanks for the reassurance. I’m finding her so hard work right now. Feeling low.

currently considering holiday plans for 2023 but just not sure it’s worth going away (beyond maybe a centre parcs type break) as last years holiday was such hard work. Had expected things to be easier once she started school.

I'm sorry you're feeling low, I'm a mum of 3 and an early years teacher for 20 years and it all sounds very normal. The running around before bed, we called crash and burn in our house! When they started bursting with energy we knew it was the final fling, almost to keep themselves awake, before the real tiredness hit. We now have it with puppies!

@larry520 thank you