Helping DD to adjust easier when going from Mum + Dad's house

[amymoo14]

Hi everyone,

DD is 8 years old. Me and her Dad have been separated since she was a year old. We have always maintained a really healthy relationship, and coparent really well.
She currently spends 1 week at mine (mums) and then 1 week at dads.
She has been getting upset recently and struggling with the adjustment between houses, she has also being very emotional at school. Both me and her dad sat down with her and she says this is the issue.
There has been no changes in the last few years to suggest why she's suddenly feeling like this. I'm wondering if it is an age thing, and if she is becoming more aware of the situation?
Can anyone relate to this situation? And if there is anything worth suggesting for us?
Thanks so much in advance for any advice :)

Would you want to have your life uprooted every week?
Just because it's worked for the past 8 years doesn't mean it's right for her now

She probably feels as though she has no main base to call home.

Im not really sure what the answer is though sorry. 50/50 split is fair and bring good co-parents is great. It sounds as though you are already doing the best you can in your situation.

Would it help to split the time differently? She would be moving more, but spending less time away might mean she misses each home more.

This isn’t at all helpful and is an unkind dig at their situation!

How about a polite suggestion about how they could improve the situation which is what the poster asked for?

Do you live very close to each other? Does she have two sets of everything or does she need to pack every week to move?

I would chat to her again and see if she has any suggestions that would make things better for her?

it's emotionally hard work to move from one home to the other regularly.
unsettling in the literal sense.

the only families I know where shared residency works well is where the parents live very close to each other and dc can chose where to stay and when.

Do you live far from her dad, maybe could swap a day in between or just a few hours? Or maybe arrange a quick call or get dd8 to do a nice picture for the other parent or parent do the picture or a photo?

If I go a few days without contact I struggle so usually make sure I'm not without her for more than 2 or 3 days, even if it's just for a few hours.

If not, just try keep her busy / distracted with something nice, like a movie or something.

When do the transitions happen. Often it's better to do it at school so one parent drops off and the other picks up that way she is never leaving a parent.

I used to teach at Secondary and many students with similar set ups hated them, whilst they liked seeing each parent what they said they wanted was a base and then to visit the other parent instead of moving around all the time. They understood how it was fairer in terms of parental time but felt unsettled.

Perhaps try swapping on a Wednesday if you still want to do 50:50 and split each week instead of each fortnight.

It may well also be part an age thing, DD became much more aware that her seeing her dad EOW wasn't the norm around this age as its all she'd known and it was because some of her classmates parents were divorcing so it was suddenly a topic of conversation and those children didn't like suddenly not seeing Dad and then DD realized some families all live together I think.