4 year old constant validation

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

I'm starting to genuinely worry about how he's going to manage school. He can't do anything - and i mean anything- without seeking approval.

He does a puzzle and it's 'look mummy look what I did' after every piece. This morning he and his sister wanted to sort the chocolates out. I asked him to separate them into piles. 'See how many Grinch chocolate chains you can find'. Every single one was 'look mummy I've found another one'. Playing kinetic sand this morning He literally just scoops a bit up and it's 'look mummy look what I've made'.

Its just relentless. He can't seem to do anything without approval. It means I can't really play very easily with them as his 2 year old sister needs me too. And I've run out of what he wants me to say?! He will then repeat hinself with the same sentence over and over again even after I've responded.

Bloody phone no idea what happened to formatting

I’m sure he will learn quickly at school that he isn’t able to do this as the teacher will be managing a class of 30 so I wouldn’t worry too much about this.

For now, it just sounds like he needs reassurance form you. Maybe offer him ‘challenges’ and say you’ll look when that’s done. E.g. ‘can you find 10 Grinch chocolates and you can show me when you do.’ Or with the sand, ‘oh that’s great. Now can you build a X, then I’ll have another look.’ If he tries to show you before, just remind him of the expectation, ‘keep going, I’ll look when you’ve got 10…’

You could also introduce a time frame, which I think would help. ‘You build this jigsaw for 1 minute and I’ll come back and check to see how many pieces you’ve put together.’ Then check back and give lots of praise and set a new limit, slowly increasing it. Using sand timers would also be useful so he can see when you’ll be back. Do stick the the timings!

My son is similar and he has had some, minor, issues at school. He worries about being wrong, making mistakes.

I agree with PP it sounds like he needs reassurance.

things that helped my son-

• not making a big deal over mistakes (eg him dropping a glass) and in fact being very breezy about it and focusing on sorting out the mistake *focusing on the “doing” of some thing rather than the end product. Talking about how nice it has been to draw together rather than praising for his end picture etc.

Do you get one on one time with him. Maybe some intense one on one time, even 20 mins playing Lego, would help him feel reassured.

I do think it’s ok to have boudaries though and let him know you need time focused on your other little one or yourself.

It might be due to competing for attention for his younger sibling.

At 2yo, you're probably full of praise to his younger sister in order to aid her development. Your DS is probably picking up on the amount of praise she gets over minor (to him) things and wants the same.