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Original poster

AIBU to be upset by this?

9 replies

DysfunctionalDelusion · 02/01/2023 07:42

Backstory -
Don’t speak to Sister or BIL but DD has contact with cousins.
Parent usually sees S+BIL on Christmas and we see NYE.
GP previously asked DD (9) if she prefers spending time with Grandparents on own or with cousins and answered on own so they made a promise to see her on her own like they do with cousins.

This year parent saw S+BIL Christmas Eve and Christmas Day as normal and when it came to NYE asked us to drive to theirs (1.5hrs each way) and wait in their house for 6 hours in the evening whilst they took DD to panto with her cousins. They’d be back for 10pm so in their eyes could see new year in with us. Shame we weren’t going to see parents and DD all evening but nice they were treating all the GC to an evening out. It then came out that S+BIL was going, DD then didn’t want to go as didn’t want to be looked at wondering where parents were. I felt completely excluded it was our one night to see them and they’ve chosen to spend it elsewhere, it’s even more hurtful they didn’t want to spend time with DD on her own like she asked or go with us. AIBU to feel upset by this?

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loopyloutoo · 02/01/2023 07:45

IMO you should be making an effort to bury hatchet with DS - as should she. Can't be easy on your parents having to facilitate all this and it will also have an effect on DD

DrMarciaFieldstone · 02/01/2023 07:47

Yes, this must get tiresome for your DP’s. Is it mutual, does Dsis not want to talk to you either?

Alrrio · 02/01/2023 07:52

@DysfunctionalDelusion id be upset but like posters above, can you not just draw a line and keep emotional distance from them rather than completely avoid them if she’s seeing her cousins?

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BrutusMcDogface · 02/01/2023 07:55

I guess it depends on why you don’t speak to your sister.

Holly60 · 02/01/2023 07:59

Is it that you refuse to spend time with your sister or the other way around?

If it's your decision then I suppose they see it as being your choice.

I'm sure your parents would much prefer to spend NYE with both their children and their grand children but they are trying to accommodate everyone's needs.

Raindancer411 · 02/01/2023 08:00

I would have been hurt too. Maybe they should have taken you and DD another day so you could all spend time together. Did you at least save the journey there??

crazeekat · 02/01/2023 08:00

No this would have been very hurtful and there's a reason they kept it from u- cos they knew it would be. Therefore current plan not working, if they are tired of it, say so and be done. Don't be dragging you out ur way for them to see their gd then hurt u in the process. Doesn't matter what the fall out is about originally, this is the way the family is. Don't choose one daughter over the other when the other has had their equal time, or just don't make those kinds of plans anymore and be honest. Yanbu.

Prinnny · 02/01/2023 11:27

I feel sorry for your parents, trying to keep everyone happy, it must be awful being stuck in the middle. What was the reason for the fallout?

Hellocatshome · 02/01/2023 11:48

God that sounds like hard work. Unless there is a huge backstroke can you not be civil to your sister for a few hours a year around Christmas and New Year. I dont have anything to do with DB throughout the year but I spend a few hours in the same room as him at family events and Christmas etc so DP can have their family all together.

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