Are your young teens allowed out after dark?

[Petalpup]

Mine is 13 (year 9) and not happy that I don’t let her out after dark either alone or with friends. I realise that that this is early during these winter months but I just don’t like the idea of it. I’d be happy to drop her at a friend’s house or activity so it’s not like I’m keeping her prisoner.
Not sure if I’m being unreasonable or when to change this rule.
we live in a fairly safe, quiet area. There’s not even anything to do outside after dark apart from hang around outside the coop (🙄) or walk around.

she's in year nine, losen the reins a bit op how long do you expect this rule to be respected really, it gets dark at 3pm here that seems a bit unfair

It's dark at 4.30 here.

As long as she's not hanging around the streets, it's horrible to ban her from going out to a friend's house on her own.

I'm surprised you haven't turned her into a gibbering wreck. You're supposed to be preparing her for adult life.

Hanging around the streets is exactly what she wants to do. I wouldn’t mind so much if she wanted to walk to a destination and could let me know when she got there.
I’m ok with the hanging round during the day although it wouldn’t be my first choice for her.

Hang out on the streets? No. Absolutely not.

Hang out with friends:
At one of their houses
At the bowling alley
At the shopping centre
Doing an activity - swimming, climbing - then, yes

Just hanging around the streets - where I live, no good can come from that.

DD is 11yo... she will walk alone to her activity at 6 (in the dark), come home from school (up to 5pm depending on clubs) in the dark and will sometimes see friends up to 6.30ish but mostly the weather is too miserable for that currently.

Hanging out on the street of course not, but tbh I never let a 13yo do that anyway regardless of whether or not it was dark. 13 is probably when they started to go to the cinema with friends or maybe meet at a shopping centre for a few hours and have a burger, DS1 would go to the skate park but I would collect him after a couple of hours. At that age if they were out after dark as others have said it would either be at someone’s house or an organised activity. Too many parents have no idea where their kids are or what they get up to - ask anyone who works for the police!

YANBU

My ds 14 can go into town with his friends, I'll happily drop him off and I put credits on his card for the bus, but he always says where he is going. In the summer he cycles to friends' houses or the sports centre.

But not in the dark. He's still vulnerable. And to be honest, he wouldn't want to.

There is no legitimate attraction to hanging around the streets in the cold with nothing to do.

depends
we have a couple of rules:

• they need to ask for permission and tell me where they are going and with whom
• they need to answer their phone - respond to texts immediately
• they need to be home at the agreed time

mostly dc meet up at an arcade, the beach, the mall. or at each other's houses.

so far, touch wood, all was fine.

Given it’s the middle of winter, I’d give a time not a light related cue.

I often send my young teenager out in the dark because I want him to grab something from the shop at 6pm or something.

I don’t have a problem with him walking back from a friends house at 8.30pm either. It’s good for him to have a little bit of appropriate independence.

Mine wouldn't be able to get home from an after-school activity in Winter if there was a "no dark" rule. And DS2 goes to school in the dark one morning a week at the moment for before school sports. So, yes, they are allowed out in the dark BUT I'm not sure I'd be happy with them "hanging around the streets".
I don't think it's the dark you are bothered about, more the activity?

Allowed out after dark, yes. To hang around the streets, no.
No good ever comes from teens hanging around the streets, I know, I was that teen once and not much has changed there according to my ds.

My youngest is 14 and he avoids going out after dark himself, other than to see friends at their house or football practice under flood lights, weather allowing. And even then my husband ir his elder sister will pick him up. It’s blatant fear, and we live in a good part of London. Sad.

It depends on what they are doing. Going to and from club and friends homes, fine. Hanging about outside a shop, no.

Starting at 12 I came home twice or three times a week from school swimming sessions that started after lessons and went on till 5 PM. Pitch dark in winter. YABOO.

The dark should have nothing to do with it then really.

Are you happy for her to hang around the streets in the Summer?

I'm ok with mine (age 12 and 14) generally hanging out in the dark until about 6ish. They tend to be outside the co-op or at the park with friends. Later than this its ok if they are walking to or from a club or a friend's house but not just to wander the streets that late in the dark.

Its winter, its hard not to be out after dark unless they have to come home really early. My 11 year old is out after dark when she comes home from activities or visiting a friend but she doesn't hang out on the street (it would be cold and boring) but she might go to the forest with a friend, dark or not.

I would just give a time to come home, whatever's reasonable at that age and forget about the dark factor (though I would insist on them wearing a reflector on their coat, but its more normal where I am for everyone from small children to adults to wear reflectors so there's no 'uncool' issue)

I agree with you OP. No good ever comes of kids hanging out on the street. So long as she can go to places or friends houses I think it's sensible.

Hanging around - no.
Going to a friend's house - yes.

I live in a small village. DD3 and her friend like to sit on a wall in the village car park and chat. I don't mind if she's with her friend, but I ask her to check in with me each hour to tell me she's ok and where she is. I have life 360 on her phone, also.

This is a tough one. With the horrors of what can happen to a teen, ie trafficking etc, obviously it is ok to be worried. Perhaps insist she can be out but only if it is someones house/ cinema...I dont think hanging out in the street is any good, It sure wasnt when I was a teen and now it is even worse.