Not happy for PIL to do childcare - how do I deal with it?

[Merryclaire]

When I go back to work my PIL want to take on a day a week of childcare (with the rest split between me and nursery).

I get on fairly well with them but I have some concerns about this:

• FIL has had a series of illnesses and has just ‘beaten’ cancer but still undergoing regular preventative treatments that take it out of him.
• I feel FIL is showing some early signs of dementia. DH swears it’s just he’s always had a bad memory but I suspect there’s more to it.
• While FIL is a fun person I feel he’s not the most responsible of people, especially when you throw in the health issues. Eg BIL had to tell him off the other week for playing too rough with our niece.
• MIL is sensible and I trust her but I fear she’d have to watch FIL too. She seems to be in denial there is any issue with him.
• They are 70 and I feel they may struggle with the physical aspects (though they are not in bad shape - FIL always has something wrong with him).
• I do have other issues about some of their values etc but I could get past that if not for the other stuff.

At the moment it feels like there is an assumption it’s a done deal but I don’t feel easy about it. I know DH would be unhappy about telling them no (again I think he’s in denial about FIL’s capabilities).

While it would be nice to save some money on childcare I just don’t feel that comfortable with the idea.

What would you do?

Don’t feel guilty for making a decision about the care of your child. I never would have allowed my own parents to watch my dd for even an hour. I happily had my ILs babysit for date nights and eventually weekends away.

Not every grandparent is in a position where they can serve as childcare. That doesn’t mean they can’t be a great grandparent.

Perfectly put!!! not being able to do regular childcare doesn't make your PILs any less loving grandparents.

It also wouldn't be advisable to send you baby round there once a week to an immunocompromised grandparent....kids get EVERYTHING when they first start nursery.

I think you're better off having nursery in place for all days you need in case circumstances change and nursery then tell you they cant accommodate you the day you need - ie, pils become unable to manage but nursery can't give you the day so you or DH have to change your hours. Would DH be more on board with you if he realised he might have to cover the day each week should his parents need to stop helping??

I wouldn't be sending a toddler one day a week to an unwell/on chemo older man if the child was spending the other days in the viral Zoo that is nursery.
My Dad was a similar age, and no cancer, and still managed to pick up bugs from grandkids that sent him to hospital twice
I very specifically would not be relying on him, or his wife, to look after your child if he was too sick to go to nursery as some other PPs have suggested!

This thread is from January!!