resent my toddler-cant get him to bed before 11pm

[Humptydumpty666]

Help how do people get their toddlers to sleep by 7??? Mines up til 11 and yes thats not because of lack of activity
We have dinner, he watches tv for a bit, I then say its bedtime, do pyjamas, wash, refuses to listen to a bedstime stoey he just rips the book out my hand and screams at me so i put him in his bed, he screams and comes into my bed, then pisses about for an hour, stares at the celing for an hour, asks for snacks, plays with his toys. Its taking its toll i end up shouting at him everyday cuz imntired and irratable sucks all the joy from my life i cant even have a wind down before bed.

was just about to post a similar thread 🥲

He could go to sleep at 7:30 and probably wake up at about 5:30, that doesn't sound great though

We have the same issue.... it is crap because we have no time to ourselves in the evening at all.

DS has just tuned three, there is absolutely no reason for his sleep or lack of it, he just doesn't seem to "need" as much sleep as other children! When we was younger he was a really good sleeper, put him to bed around 6pm and we was asleep pretty much all night.

Since 2.5, he can be awake until midnight - he doesn't nap and hasn't done since he turned 2. It doesn't matter how busy a day he has had, it doesn't seem to make a difference to his sleep. We have tried loads of different things with him but if he doesn't want to sleep, he won't.

Our daughter is now 5 and was the same from about age 3 - she is still not a great sleeper but eventually came out of the "phase" or seemingly not needing much sleep, she can still be a pain to get to sleep though and I consider before 9pm a success.

It is frustrating and draining - hopefully it improves for you

Could you try an earlier bedtime? My DD stopped napping at 2, but we take her to bed about 6pm, she does wake in the night but doesn't get up properly till 7-8am. If we go too late to bed she is wildly giddy and cant wind down. We don't have a bath at night, or stories so keep the bedtime routine very short.

The tv needs to go for a start. Do you have concerns about additional needs? How is his speech and his understanding of what you say? A Yoto player with some kids guided meditation cards and stories might help if he's ripping the book out of your hand.

Following as I have similar issues with my daughters sleep. You've had done good advice here 🙂

That sounds so so tough to not have a break in the evening.

I would try a projector of some sort to keep him entertained enough to lie still and put the calm app on your phone. I play my daughter the kids sleep stories every night and they do calm her down, I would also wake him at 6.30am every day and see if that helps. Maybe a fro clock so he can see when it’s sleep/ day time? But obviously not right now if money is tight. I’d also cut the TV in the evening and make sure all lights are red coloured and dim from 6pm.

good luck and remember it will pass - hang on in there

Try cutting out the TV for a week. There is an exciting factor in screens and this could be the cause. Just unplug it and say it is broken. Do more reading. Also reduce the ultra processed foods for that week. He might be sensitive to one or more additives.

Similar issue here, only mine is almost 4.

He just won't sleep through the night, he's always been a rubbish sleeper and dropped his nap before he was 2. Gets up most nights to tell me something, want a cuddle etc and is up by 6am without fail every single day. It is exhausting

I'm hoping he grows out of it as my 8 year old sleeps like a log!

It's brutal though

I would try cutting out the TV and having a wind down routine instead.

If he hates baths then maybe dim the lights and play meditation music instead, have 'quiet time' before brushing teeth, PJs, read a book. Keep the same routine everyday day as sleep cues.

I think a story on tape might help him as well.

It sounds very hard OP. I hope you get your evenings back.

100% cut out tv at 7pm, that's the time you should be going upstairs and getting him into bed

He needs to getting up much easier, no screens after 5, healthy food and at least 3 hours exercise a day.

Do you stay with him in bed or leave him to it? Mine went through a stage where I had to show him we fall asleep when we go to bed, I had to pretend to sleep. I would stay in the bed with him and be really calm if he would try to get up. However at that age me and his dad separated and I wanted to make sure our child felt safe and protected as much as possible, I wasn't able to be strict as such.

So you get a long lie until 8am...I have the polar opposite problem in that my DC always wake between 5 and 6am (they are now 7 and 5). I never get a long lie.

You get your break at the start of the day. I get mine in the evening as they are asleep by 6.30pm/7pm.

Horses for courses. Painting a different perspective for you OP.

We only used to have one tv programme before bed. That way they are actually watching it and more importantly they didn't feel like they had any chance of getting any more by saying they hadn't finished their milk or one of them had been to the toilet so that episode didn't count.

It sounds like there is too much negotiation/variables and he's using it to manipulate you.

Do everything in the same order every night. If he says he's hungry start giving him a weetabix before bed. Don't vary or do requests.

I think you need to turn your routine upside down. Break all the negative associations that have built up for both of you.

Change dinner time to later? Or perhaps earlier with a last minute pre bed snack of cereal or something.

No TV. Some kids seem really triggered on by the blue light. Others cope fine but it's worth trialling cutting that.

Give him autonomy as much as you can. But never ask if he's ready for bed 😂
Give him a choice over which PJs to wear. Maybe have two toothbrushes and he can choose which one.

Change the location so these things aren't so triggering. Brush teeth in the kitchen or his room. PJ's in the living room before heading through.

Does he do puzzles? A small puzzle instead of a story might work to wind down. Does he do songs? He might like a bedtime song?

I say change things up but I mean change them once. Make it your new routine. It might be bumpy but hopefully you can respond together. Also I would be saying to him that's it's bedtime, time for sleep, but if he doesn't want to sleep he can play with his teddies in bed. If he leaves the room he needs to be led back to bed with as little drama and attention from you.

It sounds like he is overtired. I would suggest bringing the dinner time forward to 4/4.30pm and light supper around 6pm, bath then bed. Read stories together. Or audiobooks have been suggested by others.

We are flexible with dinner time and if they have had a busy day I can bring dinner forward if need be to accommodate this. Means they are always easier to settle down at night. If they are over stimulated it will take them longer to unwind.

Instead of playing chase to get him dressed challenge him to a race. Get the both of your pyjamas out. Or day clothes on the morning!

Do some stretches and star jumps so he knows you are serious. Blow a whistle if you've got one! Otherwise build the tension by counting to Three dramatically. GO! And race the hell out of him. Throw the clothes you are taking off all over to show you are serious. Keep it competitive. Tidy up later.

Let him 'catch you' training.. Practicing buttons while the kettle is boiling. Few squats at the bus stop.

Then as the days go on tell him part of the race is putting your washing in the basket.

He's overtired and it's fuelling a very difficult cycle. It may be that he dropped the nap because of the overtiredness and that having dropped the nap for so long, it fuelled it further. Reintroducing the nap might help but I fully understand that this might be impossible at the moment with an overtired and willful toddler.

I would start waking him at 7am, if not 6.30am. Then I would do dinner and he helps clear up and tidy the house to signal its the end of the day. Get him helping and feeling helpful and praise his help. Then quiet play or a story on the sofa with dim lights, perhaps some warm milk. Then up for a bath or flannel wash and brush teeth. Pyjamas on, story and bed. All with dimmed lights. We use red light bulbs as they see very helpful with sleep problems.

If you're having difficulty getting his pyjamas on him them I would suggest getting him to be responsible for dressing himself all of the time, with lots of praise - what a big boy you are, I'm so surprised you did that all on your own. Foster his independence. The other option is to get him to put his pyjamas on downstairs after dinner time. I did this with my youngest as I found we'd get upstairs and she'd do everything she could to avoid it. Downstairs she'll put them on herself and it's a real time saver.

In terms of actually putting him to bed, I found the most helpful strategy with bedtime refusing is to kiss and say goodnight after a lullaby and then leave. If he gets out of bed you go back and say time for bed and return him to bed. Then if he gets out of bed again you return him in silence. Every time. It can take 70+ attempts but in the end it works. It's pretty soul destroying though and you need to be consistent but understand this approach might not be for you.

Sleep aids. There is a book "the rabbit who went to sleep" I think it's called. Pure genius. I use it when I need them to go to sleep if we're going out. I read it when my 6yo had a sleepover with her friend and they struggled to go to sleep - it had them both asleep within 10 mins. Other things we have found successful: a star projector that plays music, a doll that lights up and plays gentle music, a little touch sensitive night light that has a little display on it and changes colour. All pretty cheap to buy but it can take a while to find the right thing that might help your child.