Family who don’t make much effort

[Itsg]

How to get over this? Not with me with my son.

My family are all very thoughtful. We’re all so close and we will express we love eachother, how proud we are of eachother and we are generally always open! I’ve felt lucky growing up in a loving household where I’ve been secure with my emotions.

My fiancé (who is the father of my son) grew up very differently. His parents split when he was young and he grew up in a very different household. They aren’t really close and love isn’t shown much. They don’t really express much. And I get every family is different.

but when it comes to my son I notice this side of his. Family and I do feel a bit disappointed , how do I stop this? I do worry he’ll compare both families and feel like it’s only my side who make the effort (as they over do)

Think I’m having a bit of a mum meltdown but it’s always on my mind, anyone else feel like this?

I cant see the problem?

@Nimbostratus100 i didn’t fully explain it sorry I’ll give examples

i feel like his family don’t show love much don’t say nice things to eachother (including my son as much)

my family and me (and fiancé) do express our love to DS and generally say things about how smart he is loving he is beautiful he is etc (not overkill, just now and then)

birthdays and occasions they tend to wait to be reached out to, not reach out to wish him happy birthday / Christmas etc

dont seem to ask to see him or show much interest in this but my side do

You can’t stop it and your child will work it out for themselves. I’m very close to my DMs sister and parents. I wouldn’t recognise most of DFs relatives if I met them . One uncle (DF side) used to give us loads of money when we met…….I’d always choose a day with my aunt.
with my own DC they are very close to my DM who is actively involved. The ILs live in another country, make almost no effort to communicate with DC between visits and then refuse to do anything with us when we visit them. I’ve stopped trying to make it ‘better’. Last time we saw them dd said ‘ I don’t think dgm gets me’.

My in laws never did anything with or for my kids. Happy to see them when brought over, and would make food they liked, but they'd never initiate anything.
My family were more involved simply because I had a closer relationship with them and we'd go visit them for holidays (they lived abroad half the year) or when local would come over every Sunday.
So what if your kids notice a difference? Families are what they are. Just accept it - nothings going to change. All it means is they won't be that close to them. Certainly wouldn't waste any energy stressing about it.

Many people would be happy with this arrangement as no overbearing in-laws. At the very least it won’t be a big deal to DC - they have one side they are close to, and that’s great.