Can you share your honest experiences of larger age gaps please?

[behappy1736]

DS is 5.5, we want to try for baby number 2 next month. DS will be at least 6 and a half even if we catch on the first cycle, or could be 7.
Can anyone who has this kind of age gap share their positive stories please? I'm an over thinker and worried we've left it too late.

What exactly are you worried about?

That they won’t be best friends? There’s no guarantee of that anyway

I know a pair of twins who can’t stand each other.

I think that age gap is quite good in that the older child will be able to get really involved with the baby and will be old enough to babysit later on!

My friend and her sister are 8 years apart and they are going on a city break together next weekend :)

My siblings are 10 and 8 years older than me, and honestly it sucked. I've always been "the baby" to them, always the nuisance who can't keep up with the fun things older kids want to do, and always the fifth wheel.

Not everyone is the same of course, but I'm not a fan of large age gaps

I was in the same position with an 8 year gap between two of mine. The older they get the better they get on. They are great friends and have a lot of tech things in common. They have similar personalities and have a good laugh together. It took a long time to conceive our youngest and we were all so happy when they came along no matter what the age gap was.

I don't think it matters what others have experienced all children and family dymanics are different. Are you not going to have another child because someone on the internet didn't get on with their sibling or have one because they did?

There is no way to tell the future, you know that, you have to make your own decisions the best you can for your life situation

I have a 5.5 year age gap. Found Maternity leave lovely as was able to pick eldest up from school everyday foro this (including being at home for a whole summer holiday) now they are 11 and nearly 6. Get on sometimes, fight like cat and dog other times, I don't think it makes a difference with the age gap. My eldest is great with the youngest, especially over Christmas and not believing anymore. If it is right for you then it's fine, this was the right age gap for us and it works great. Just do you xx

12 year age gap between DD and her nearest sibling. Actually rather lovely. Never any competition for toys or suchlike, allowed our young teens to still be young and 'play' with her. We could still enjoy family days out and older kids were helpful at keeping DD amused.
DD now a teen and siblings are late 20's and they're all good friends with each other.

I have 9 years between 1st and 2nd. Eldest is about to turn 16 and does his own things but they get on really well.

DH is 10 years younger than his brother and they're really close.

2.9 years between me and my sister and we haaaaated each other when we were young. Always fighting and plotting against each other.
We're the best of friends now though!

Age gaps don't really matter for closeness but can be a bit tricky for family days out and activities. One is too young and the other too old for certain things.

I have 5 years between mine, not quite the gap you will have.
Positives and negatives, never paid double childminder costs, never needed double buggy etc. Less competition between them, had a proper maternity leave with my second without a toddler around.
Eldest could do stuff for himself when youngest arrived - no needing the toilet when I just sat down to breastfeed. Only one baby up in the night.

Only major downsides: days out they both enjoyed were tricky for a while. Prolonged period paying before and after school club. But now I have a teenager I can leave my youngest with him after school so all in all I'd say its swings and roundabouts!

There’s a 5 year age gap between DD and DTSs and a 13 year and 8 year age gap between DD. DTSs and DS3. DD adored the DTSs when they were babies/toddlers still pretty close now, very protective of each other. Had their moments but it was fine. Only issue was carting her to activities/clubs with DTSs in tow! DH worked long hours and I had no help.

DS3 was loved and adored by all 3 when he was born. He became a typical annoying little bro as he got older. Easier to cart DTSs to clubs with just him in tow! Now he’s 12 and they’re all still at home (older ones 26 and almost 21) close albeit argue, shout at each other, etc but the basics are there. He’s been exposed to a lot of older age material, drama, language (!) and I think he’s grown up a lot quicker than he would have otherwise but he’s extremely mature anyway. He gets a bit upset about the idea of them all leaving home but there’s always going to be a last one still at home!

I don’t see an issue with a 6/7 year age as long as you have the help and energy to spend time with the older one doing older kid stuff and everything is not focussed on the baby.

Not me but my DH is eight years younger than his sister and they have a lovely relationship. They don't want a super close, talk-every-day relationship but are always there for each other of needed. They went through some difficult things as children and were a real support to each other.

My middle sister is 5 years younger than me and my youngest sister was born when I was a teen. Never found it odd or weird. We all get on well. I'm now a secondary teacher and lots of teens have much younger siblings and mums who have babies while they are at secondary school. It's really not that unusual. Go for it!

11 year age gap here ! Not my choice but secondary infertility

Daughter 11.5 yrs and baby 5.5 month it's a great age gap! But I don't have anything to compare to and didn't have a choice, we tried for 5 yrs and ended up needing ivf and was successful after the 2nd round
X

I have a 15yo, 12yo, 7yo and 5yo. The 12yo and 5yo get on great together. Don't worry. 15yo and 7yo clash at times but that's due to their personalities (and teenager just being a teenager!).

I'm 9 years older than my sister. I adored her when she was born and are super close now. But I don't really remember having a great deal to do with her throughout my teen years when I was out with friends/working.
There is a 13 and 10 year gap between my youngest and his siblings. His sister (13 years older) is amazing with him. She gets fed up every now and then but she generally is the best big sister. The two boys have an intense love/hate relationship. They'll play together for 5 minutes and argue for 23 hours and 55 minutes. The oldest is protective of the youngest, even though they fight a lot.
I feel as though we have two or three families in one. The 5 of us, the parents and the older children and then the parents and the youngest. There are a lot of activities that the older ones don't join in with so it feels a lot like having an only child. The large age gap between them doesn't necessarily bother me but I do wish we'd had another straight after the youngest so he had a sibling close in age like the older two have.

I have 7 years between mine. The only problem we had was trying to find something they both liked doing when the youngest was around 2. But once he got to almost 4, that was easier.

My eldest has gone to uni this year. They are really close. My eldest comes home and takes the youngest out for lunch. They text most days.

I am also very glad I won’t have 2 at university at once.

I think all ages gaps have their pros and cons. But also the kid’s personality’s are the biggest part of wether it works for you or not.

Terrible for us , dd hated ds who is 7 years younger . Triggered all sorts of depression and anxiety for her ..

Worst decision ever !

I obviously love the both but they are just about ok now at 11 and 19.. it's taken that long though!! 🙈🙈

We have a 7 year age gap DS1 is 12 & DS2 5. Ds1 is sometimes a great help will read ds2 bedtime stories and play with him, other times they argue and bicker but I think that’s more to do with ds2 being highly strung. The transition from one to two was hard ds1 was an only for so long that he found it difficult for about the first 12 months and days out can be hard, dh and I often end up not spending much of them together as we end up taking 1 each during part of the day for example at theme parks as they can’t do the same things. Honestly sometimes juggling different needs is hard but it’s worth it.

7.5 year age gap here between DS (oldest) and DD
They have never got on - ever and are v v competitive
On a lighter negative note - photos of the 2 of them were a bit difficult as the oldest had to crouch down a lot!!

7 years between my two. They are now 11 (DD) and 4 (DS) and are best buddies. Always setting up forts in the house, she reads to him, they play games. It is really lovely to see. Never regretted it.

14 years between eldest and youngest and they're the closest (as adults) of my three

My dsis and I have 11 years between us. We have always been super close. I loved playing with my little sister when she was tiny. Then when she was only 3, mum got cancer and our parents divorced. I was only 14 but I was quite often her main carer.
Both parents died before my sister had finished Uni but Dsis lived with my DH and I.
We are still extremely close. She now has her own home and married. I love her like a daughter and would do anything for her. She has also jumped in, no questions asked when I have needed help. For instance, looking after my eldest child for a week when my youngest was born and in NICU.
She is my best friend, fiercest defender but also not afraid to tell me if I am being a tit! I would be completely lost without her.

I don't think age is a huge factor for siblings being close. I'm less than 2 years apart from my brother and I rarely see him/talk to him. I know siblings 10 years apart who are the next of friends. Age is a small factor, personality and temperament matter more I think.

I have several step siblings and one brother who's 5 years older than me. There's 20 years between me and my eldest step brother. He's the one I'm closest to.

I have a 6 year gap. It was great for maternity leave; I got to focus on the new baby whilst oldest was at school, clubs, playdates etc. I got to do all the same things as the first time around; baby massage, coffees with othe mums of babies, boxsets whilst feeding/napping. Oldest was helpful and fairly independent.

It got harder once I was back at work with different childcare/multiple drop offs/pick ups. Also we often have to split up at weekends/holidays as a lot of activities aren't suitable for both ages.

I have a sibling close in age and one many years younger and I'm closer to the much younger one as we are more similar and share interests.

Go for it :)