Apologies in advance for the garbled post, just looking for support and a few words of wisdom from fellow parents.
I just feel like I'm drowning in the mundanity of juggling life with a toddler, not exercising, not eating healthily, not achieving anything at work, I just don't recognise myself anymore. It's not about managing everything but about enjoying life and feeling like myself again.
I've got a huge work project due by the end of January, can be pushed back by a few weeks but is something I've been working on for years which really needs finishing off now, on top of the other 80% of my job that needs doing day in day out. It's all consuming at the moment trying to finish it and the feeling of guilt when I'm not working on it.
I'm dreading school starting next year as the juggling of everything seems much harder (DS at nursery currently). I've looked at reducing my hours, which is possible in my work but realistically means if I work 0.8 FTE, I'll just be doing 100% for less pay. Also, would mean working 9-3pm to do the school run (husband can't as works too far away), which is nice to spend time with my DS but feels like I won't be gaining anything and struggling more work-wise.
Similar for my husband if he were to also work less hours if would be 3-4 days a week and no drop-offs on those days so I would have to do that. We earn a similar amount but he is the top of where he would like his career to be and I have another promotion I need to go for in the next 2 years so as to not get stuck at this level. So realistically I need to concentrate on that.
We live in a village and no family nearby, the after-school club is a bit hit and miss if they will have places/child minders are a rarity. Plus I actually want to spend time with my son and take him to after school activities!
My husband is massively involved in everything and we've outsourced cleaning, gardening, dog walking etc, so we are coping with life but it's just all so dull. Not making progress at work but also not there enough for the toddler and little time to do anything for ourselves. For about 2.5 years our DS slept really badly at night and it was an epic battle of crying/screaming/grabbing. He sleeps much better now but I feel we are both a bit traumatised from that period and waiting for it to turn again.
Just to be clear, we both love spending time with our DS and as a family, it's just that on-going feeling of losing myself and not being the super-mum multi-tasking everything I thought I would be.
Anyway, thank you for reading my essay!