Disagreement over new ish baby

[willieversleepagain1]

Looking for some advice over a difference of opinion between me and my partner.

Our second child was born 7 weeks ago. I really wanted to be more relaxed this time as struggled a lot with the first baby with impacted on our bond in the first few months.

New baby started off sleeping great, then it went downhill and now it’s started to improve again. She still wakes 2-3 times in the night and is fussy in the evening, which I think is quite normal for her age.

Whenever there is an improvement, my partner seems happy for a few days but then gets himself stressed out that there must be something wrong because she isn’t the perfect baby. He wants to speak to the doctor about her ‘sickness’ which in my opinion is completely normal. He wants to speak to a sleep consultant about why she’s fussy in the evening…he’s just constantly trying to find solutions for something which I really don’t think is a problem. It’s really, really wearing me down. I’m sick of the constant over analysis of everything. Even if there is something wrong, we never have consistency for long enough to know what it might be, as he is always changing things.

He’s been in a terrible mood since last night about this. He has apologised and knows he was unreasonable but he is still talking about wanting to ‘fix’ her. I just want to avoid him today as I don’t want to talk about it any more.

I should add that he’s a great parent. He does lots for me and the children and all of this is just because he cares so much, so I feel bad for being frustrated by it.

It’s driving a wedge between us and I’m unsure what to do. Does anyone have any advice please? Thank you in advance.

That must be stressful, especially as, like you say, fussy evenings and waking in the night to feed is normal baby behaviour.

Would he be willing to read up for some reassured?

How about studies on normal infant sleep and

Fussy Evenings.

If he's not willing to read up then I think he has to shut up

Is he the father of your other children or is this his first baby?

It sounds very normal for a seven week old. She certainly doesn't need fixing because there is nothing to fix!
Was he like this with your other children? Or is this his first baby? It seems as though he has very unrealistic expectations of babies and sleep patterns

It sounds like he's struggling with lack of control and anxiety. I don't mean that badly as in him being controlling, just that having a new baby (even if it isn't a first child) can really send people out of kilter. He probably feels a bit useless (not being mum) and subconsciously his way to try and rectify that feeling of being out of control is to try and manage things. It's unnecessary and problematic, but he's human and we don't always make sane choices in times of stress. A friend who was caring for a terminally ill relative made everyone who visited wear a particular colour so as to maintain the ambience in the room. Now the relative has passed she can look back and see how insane it was, but at the time it was desperately important to her as it gave her some semblance of control in a situation where she had none. Obviously a completely different scenario, but I'd imagine similar emotions are at play here.
I think all you can do is provide reading material about normal baby activities, and if he wants to speak to consultants, I'd let him. They're only going to reiterate what you've said - that this is normal for the age of child.

Thanks all for the replies. The links are really helpful @PritiPatelsMaker , I will have a thorough read and share some bits with him.

Both of our children are his. The oldest is now 2 and I don’t remember him being like this, but we did struggle with the first baby so I think he’s determined to have the ‘perfect’ baby this time! Obviously I know she’s perfect just as she is, and completely normal. I think @Maraudingmarauders is right that this is anxiety related.

Would it be worth letting him speak to the GP etc...so he can be told it's normal (which it sounds it is). My husband is a bit of a hypochondriac, I just let him get on with it but don't do the leg work for him. He was generally reassured when a professional like GP, health visitor etc told him something was okay. He wouldn't really believe things he read online. Otherwise is it an issue that he's forgotten how hard small babies are?