OH and I have been together for almost four years, and we have eight month old DD. On meeting, OH stated wanting two children whereas I was on the fence about having any at all as it had never appealed to me. After buying a house together two years ago, OH more or less gave me an ultimatum to make my mind up about having a child (being in our early 30s) or we'd need to reconsider the long term validity of our relationship. Evidently I went with rather than without.
DD is a high needs child. She is EBF, we co-sleep because sleep is and always has been terrible, suffered a lot with reflux and bowel troubles, and she often requires a lot of attention while awake. On the positive side, she has a beautiful nature and has been giving full on hugs and kisses for over a month already.
Our relationship is not what it was, which probably goes without saying. I personally don't think too much about it - I'm so preoccupied with trying to nurture DD the best I can and simultaneously trying to become self employed during my maternity leave (with the vision of getting OH out of working 4 x 14 hour days per week too) that sex and intimacy with OH is not currently a priority.
OH loves DD, but it's quite apparent that the distance and differences that have been created between us has almost made OH wish we'd never had a child. He now categorically states there will not be a second. He also is not the father I had hoped or anticipated - will sit on his phone or watching TV when minding DD rather than engaging with her, doesn't like taking her out because being out in public frustrates him and nature bores him, and would rather give her to MIL to look after (another story but the way MIL deals with DD concerns me). He made no effort at Christmas because "she won't remember", neither did he make any effort whatsoever for me (suggested weeks in advance that we don't bother, which is what he's said every year so far) but has bought himself new clothes.
OH has always admitted he can be selfish and it's clear that he's only satisfied when (any)things are on his terms, but having a child has magnified just how selfish he is... to the point where (for other reasons also, like a general intolerance for other people, lack of empathy, and regular negative demeanour) I now feel as though I resent him as a partner and I'm not sure this is reversible. I have no hard feelings and wouldn't wish to cause trouble, I just really don't feel like this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
My ideal scenario and current plan is to earn enough from my new venture to buy our current house, give it to him, and then move on with my life with DD (and co-parent).
I don't know if I'm just frustrated and maybe still hormonally dysregulated with still breastfeeding and having lost a lot of weight, or whether my feelings are justified by his behaviour.
Sorry for the long post, I really just need to get this off my chest as I don't feel I can trust this information to anyone I know personally.