Middle of the night tantrum

[MummaLeonax]

Please some good advice needed!
My 20month olds never been a good sleeper always woke up in the night but the last couple of weeks he's started waking up in the middle of the night having an absolute meltdown, screaming, crying, tantrums, throwing his dummy over and over again, when we lay him down he wants us to stroke his hand we don't as we are trying to learn him to self soothe himself.
any ideas how we can stop him having these tantrums?
he also doesn't use a comforter never got attached to a teddy or blanket always relied on us to stroke his hand 🙈

Sounds like he’s not ready to self soothe and trying to tell you that. Is he wak8ng at the same time every night?

Sounds like a night terror, my DD1 used to get them when we'd had a particularly active day or too much sugar

It sounds to me like he is waking for some reason (like we all do!) and then needs help to get back to sleep.

My advice would be to help him get back to sleep. If you don't want to stoke his hand, gradually move away from that to something else (stoking his back?) in the hope you can eventually just cuddle him back to sleep while also falling asleep yourself?

He isn't "throwing a tantrum"; he is telling you he doesn't feel secure enough to fall asleep. Give him the security and reassurance he needs, and he'll fall asleep more quickly and without totally panicking that you won't help him and screaming at you.

Bring him closer and it will get easier.