18 month old sleep regression? DS no longer falling asleep himself

[MintGreenLife]

From 11 months onwards DS has settled himself to sleep, apart from when he’s poorly. A few weeks ago we had a nasty cold/sickness thing and during that week I had to either BF him to sleep or rock him to sleep. Two weeks after recovery and he was going down for his nap awake, but not at bedtime at all. Starts to get upset as soon as I start making moves like it’s time to go to sleep and I’m going to leave his room. I’m still trying every night and at nap time, but I don’t leave him for long (5 mins max) before I go in and try to feed him to sleep, which often doesn’t work, so then I rock him to sleep instead. He’s clearly tired but seems to be refusing to go to sleep. Anyone had this or got any idea what I can do? I don’t want him to lose the skill of falling asleep independently, as we’ve had some terrible phases with sleep and he’s very sensitive to being put down asleep!

I hear you, my 17 month has started screaming crying when put down for naps and evening sleep. He's usually amazing and goes down awake. We have the odd wake up but settles back quickly. The last week it's been horrendous. We do the in, re settle out again. Leave it a few minutes and after a few days of doing that he's crying for less time. It's so hard. Had it last night and 2.45 this morning . The main thing is they know you're there if needed but also that they can't be rocked to sleep (if he's unwell then I let him cuddle on me or whatever he needs, this had never upset his routine of falling asleep by himself).
I think the key is consistency and whatever you decide, stick to it so they know what's coming, every time it happens you do the same thing and eventually they will settle again. You'll get there. I always remind myself tough but temporary 😪 xxx

Mine would only self settle at nap time for months, but never bedtime. He kbow realizes that he can have a more pleasant way of falling asleep (with Mummy nearby)

Leave him for 5. Then go in and sit with him until he's calm - maybe put your hand on him and pat him.

Leave again for 7 min. Go back in and calm him.

Leave him for 9 min. Rinse and repeat

You may find (like me) that he'll go to sleep in the second window! If he really doesn't go to sleep independantly, then do what you need to to get him to go and try again the next day.

Good luck!

@Toughbuttemporary oh well done for not caving! I’m starting to think that I’m making things worse as I just give in and feed or rock him! I’ve just gotten out of his room having rocked him for 15 mins before he was in a deep enough sleep to put down 😖 he’s almost 2 stone and I’m only small myself and feel like I really can’t continue like this. For some unknown reason even though he could get himself to sleep for his naps and at bedtime, I’ve continued to always feed and rock him to sleep for night wakes (usually 1-2 a night) but now I’m having to do it for his nap and at bedtime too I’m completely sick of it and my back/arms are agony! Do you mind me asking how long it took first few nights of going in and resettling etc? My fear is it could turn into hours of screaming at bedtime!

@ToddleToddleToddle thanks for your reply and advice. Would you get yours out of the cot to resettle? I just think mine would continue to scream until I picked him up etc and so not sure how helpful going in and out would be. Maybe I could try reading to him for a few mins to distract him 😕 but don’t know if that wouldn’t be the right thing to do

I should add that he’s 17.5 months and only started walking about 4 weeks ago. Is currently very much into doing circuits around the house, so not sure if that’s causing some of the disruption!

@Toughbuttemporary also good to know yours is 17 months too! As I did wonder if it was too soon to be the 18 month sleep regression. We’ve been hit hard by sleep regressions in the past, so I fully feel like that could be what’s going on for us!

No, I didn't pick him up, talk, or make eye contact. Just lay him down again and put my hand on his back for comfort. Shawn the Sheep was nearby for white noise, and initially I would pat him in time with the heartbeat. I don't pat him anymore because I want as little input as possible from me

Try to calm him without picking him up for a few minutes, and leave it as a last resort. Then if you have to pick him up, once he's calm put him in bed and leave him again. Be consistent and after a few days he'll get the message

@ToddleToddleToddle hmm maybe lamp on and reading will have to be a last resort. Just trying to think of a way to minimise the upset! We use white noise already. I may try patting, but past experiences tells me it won’t help. I think I’ll give him a few more nights to see if he can get back into the swing of things now the Christmas fuss has died down (I’m not hopeful!), and then fry your method if no luck! X

We're navigating the 18m sleep regression too.

DS is actually worse if we go in to him so I've had to brave it and ride through it. Obviously if the crying went on too long I'd go in but so far he's settled before 10 mins are up. Going in is futile as he calms while there but then ramps it up a notch when you try to leave again. He's never liked being cuddled to sleep either, even as a baby he preferred his cot in a dark room and has never, ever napped on us. Our least painful option is to leave him at the outset.

Yoga ball to save your back in the mean time? We took the side of the cot down, replaced with a flip down/ up bed guard and now cuddle to sleep. Never self settled, never felt the need? Some times it takes too long so I say night night go sleep and leave the toom and reassure from the door if needed but rarely. Don't pressure for self settling they're still so young.

@Milkand2sugarsplease i found the same in the past, but unfortunately I have tried once or twice to leave him as long as I can bear which was up to 15 mins, and he showed no signs of throwing the towel in at that point, so it’s hard to know where to go from here!

@MoonToddler i would love if we could do that, but DS has never been cuddled to sleep and isn’t a cuddly baby. We have a rocking chair in the nursery, but for some reason that doesn’t work either - he needs me to be stood up 😖 he’s the same if he’s upset in the day - once I’ve calmed him down by walking round holding him, if I sit down too soon he gets upset again 🤦🏻‍♀️

DS has currently been awake 2.5hrs 😖 very unhappy and clearly wants to be asleep. Have tried feeding three times, rocking multiple times, putting down awake, reading books to reset…nothing is helping 🤦🏻‍♀️