Life just seems so pointless

[Pandanins]

I'm 34 and have 3 kids, 14, 10 and 7.

My 10 yo has shown signs of autism and add since he was 12-18 months old. Fibally had an initial meeting with CAMHS in August who have agreed to send him for full assessment.

Long story short my son has always struggled with school since being in nursery. Hes now in year 6 and no longer goes to school.

I've always worked, which I loved as it was my break and my social life however 2 years ago I had to quit my job due to my son not being able to go to school. Its really starting to get me down. I just feel so lonely and whats the point in being here just to sit in day in day out do the same thing over and over cook and clean up after everyone. I have no friends nobody to talk to during the day when my husband is at work, just sat in bored all day long. I have nobody to help with the kids at all to give me a break. All I see is just sitting here everyday while I get old and seeing everybody else just having fun, going for a coffee or a drink or food with friends, socializing and having fun. Its just starting to get me really down and i don't know how much longer I can cope living like this, everything just feels so pointless like ky only worth in life is to cook and clean. Dont even know why I'm posting this but literally have nobody else to talk to.

Not sure I have any real advice to share, but you sound so low and I didn't want to pass on your post...

You talk as if this is all your problem to deal with. What does your DH think? Have you talked to him about how you feel? Are there any options for you to split the caring for your DS so you can get some time outside the home?

Have you explored all the options for your son? Are there no special schools or respite care places? I have a friend with two adopted sons who both have ADHD/ADD and struggled in mainstream school, but eventually they were found places in special schools where they thrived. She really had to nag and fight the local education department to get it, but it was worth it. With the proper support they have flourished.

It might be worth posting this on the Special Educational Needs board as people there will have more experience and be able to give you useful advice?

He had a review in June and we were told they'd review over summer to send him to a sen school. I was told a 6 week wait. Never heard anything by September so me and school senco have hounded the council who have refused to send him to a sen school. We've been told to appeal and start mediation which is in January. But its so stressful because you don't know where to go for help or advice and nobody wants to help when I speak to the council they just say its policy and no spaces in sen schools. He starts high school in September so even if I get somewhere sometime before summer I'm just going to be in the same position in September tbh.

My husband works full time and is only home all day at the weekend. He understands how I feel because he had depression for 10 years and finally got better 2 years ago and in a job he loves after not working for so long. He understands how I feel cause he's been there at home all day hinself in the past, but aside from quit his job there's not much else he can do really.. I've looked for evening and weekend jobs but on the rare occasion they come up I just get turned down all the time.

I'm just lost at what to do it just seems like there's no point in my life whatsoever, even if I had someone to look after him during the day I have nowhere to go or nobody to go and see.

Why can't your husband do childcare so that you can get out for self-care activities, an evening/weekend job and other avenues to meet people & make friends?

When do you get time to yourself? It's crucial that you get some. I have a 10yo with autism too, I get it. But you absolutely must do something just for you.

that all sounds really hard - I'm sorry you're struggling. You sound like you have been a rock to all your family and are probably so loved and cherished by your children and husband. Try to remember that. Firstly could you contact gp or is there a centralised wellbeing service in your area to talk to for support? Talking through your feelings might help. Secondly keep pushing as much as you can re schools. Do you claim anything for being off with ds that would help with respite care? Could you look into getting a SEN nanny for even a few hours a week to give you a break? Thirdly, lots of jobs come out in Jan so keep persevering with applying for weekend/evening work if that's what you want to do. Supermarkets often offer 10 hour a week or so contracts across an evening and weekend day which might work for you and give you back opportunities to be without the children and socialise. Alternatively could you look into doing a distance learning course, maybe with the OU, or college in evenings to maybe open new doors and keep your brain active/try something new? Finally, I find that when I feel really low I need things to look forward to. Could you try and book something in small say once a month when dh can mind the kids? You could get your nails done/have a few hours to read a book in a coffee shop/meet up with a family member or friend for example. Hard times will pass and it might seem forever away but things will get easier.

He works during the week. I've tried to look for evening work and weekend work but hardly anything comes up n when it does I get turned down.

He would happily watch them on a weekend or evening for me to go somewhere but where do I go to meet people?

I get none.

@Pandanins - it's not surprising that you're feeling depressed. I've been where you are and it's really tough.

Several things occur to me.

1. Have you been to your GP about how you're feeling? I went on antidepressants to cope in similar circumstances and they got me through it.
2. If you can afford it, pay for a private autism diagnosis. I took DS1 to Daphne Keen in London. Having the diagnosis helped us get DS1 into a special needs school. Unfortunately, if you wait for an NHS diagnosis, it will take years (took four years for my DS2, but we'd taken him out of school to home ed by then).
3. I found IPSEA and SOS-SEN very helpful. Also rang the National Autistic Society helpline for advice a couple of times. And I found the MN special needs board was brilliant - full of mums who've been through this situation and know the system.
4. Have you found the school you'd like your son to attend? I phoned and visited all the relevant schools and narrowed it down to one. The council refused, of course, but we were lucky because it ended up being the only one with a place. If it hadn't been, I would have gone to tribunal.
5. Most tribunals go in favour of the parents, so press on if this is what you need to do.
6. Does your DH know how tough you're finding this? Can he do more to give you a break? Or can a friend / parents help? Doing all the drudge-work is soul-destroying. You need a break and adult company.

Sorry, just seen that your DH can't do more than he's doing already. Can anyone else help?

The usual: meet-up, volunteer work, take classes, gym, sport, hobbies. Do you have any interests? What are your jobs skills?