5 year old won't leave me alone

[Nikla]

Since Xmas my 5 year old has been following me around the house asking me to play & will not leave me alone.

I play and then tell her I'm going for a break and need time on my own. She lasts about 1 minute before coming in the room and pretending she needed to ask me a question. Then comes in and tells me she needs to do something (which she knows requires me to come and help). She's driving me insane. I literally can't go to the toilet without her following me in.

She does this quite often but she's really ramped it up since Christmas. The only time she stops is if I lose my rag and shout. Obviously I don't want to do that. I'm holding it together but inside I am screaming "fuck off". I know that sounds terrible but she is driving me up the wall.

We've been out and she's happy then but as soon as we come back in it starts all over again.

Help me. I've got another week of this.

Reiterate lots!

if she follows you into the bathroom tell her she needs to leave, usher her out and lock the door.

If she comes back to ask you questions after you’ve told her you need some quiet, reiterate that you’re not answering any questions right now and follow through.

Is she getting enough of your focused attention at other times when you can offer it?

I have one this age and if you have spent time with her (him?) and let her know that mum needs some quiet time now, it’s fine to let them know that you are angry that they aren’t listening. I wouldn’t raise my voice in the first instance but I don’t think you'd be unreasonable to reinforce what you’ve said.

We do quiet time after lunch. I do enforce it. She can read a book, play with her toys, but I am not participating.

I am definitely with you on this. I spent a nice morning with my 5yo cuddling in bed, colouring on the iPad together, then getting up and doing a puzzle together, and I chatted to her while she played and did some colouring. Then I wanted a shower in the en suite with the DOOR CLOSED (shock horror!) while my DH was in the bedroom reading stories to our 2yo and the 5yo spent the whole shower screaming and banging on the door because she wanted a hug. She had had attention all morning and I just wanted a shower on my own and not being watched for once!!

I am just putting the little one down for a nap now and the 5yo has been in three times to ask a question.

Totally with you. It actually feels like sometimes the more attention I give the worse it is!!! Then I feel bad that I am getting annoyed as she just wants playing with. Argh!

Yep my 7 year old son is the same!

Gotten to the point where I dread the school hoildays. He just will not entertain himself even at night it's constant "mum! Mum! Mum!" Never asks for his dad though.

I've been trying to give as much attention as I can but I also have a 2 year old.

The 2 year old has played by herself most of the day. She's probably used to not being able to get as much attention!

I have played SO much over the last few days and it just feels like nothing is enough.
She is very clever/manipulative and will do anything to make sure I go to her. Youngest knows she's not allowed to go to the top bunk of the bed without asking. I told eldest I was going for a break and the next thing I hear her whispering to her little sister telling her to go to the top bunk. Youngest then starts shouting me asking if she's allowed to go up. I've then got no option but to go in.

She's already been in my room about 10 times since I started trying to write this post.

I know it must sound as though I give her zero attention for her to be seeking it so much, but I genuinely do play and read every day. Perhaps I should initiate the playing a little bit more rather than her having to ask for it.

@silverpinecones @MeMyBooksAndMyCats
Glad I'm not alone!!

Slowly losing the plot.

Our 5 year old is the same. I was hoping it’s a phase that we’re working. I too am losing my mind, but also the ability to get anything done during the days. Simple things like filling/emptying the dishwasher or washing machine feel impossible, while larger tasks like cleaning a bathroom or hoovering would be dangerous or difficult to complete since I would be interrupted a number of times and our house is across 3 floors. The biggest issue is she seems very uncomfortable with sharing my time with anyone else: her granny, my friends, other children, other childrens parents, her father. It’s very isolating in a way a child couldn’t understand. Is there anyone reading this who has been through it, but now has a content-to-play-without- adult child? Am praying this will be over by 7 years old. We have an only child btw, so in our case there is no other pull on our attention, but also no sibling play possible.

Solidarity here..my nearly 5 year old is the same and I also have a one year old. She doesn’t want to play with DH, just me 😤…I have had to have a couple of stern conversations about being patient and how mummy can’t do two things at once. My strategies are - play dates! I’ve been brave and found a couple of school mums (she’s in reception) and invited them out, it’s great if you can find a couple of people you can reply on for play dates as they entertain eachother so I don’t have to- win! I have also totally relaxed on screen time, so stick her in front of the TV when it gets too much. Also, a weird one but I’ve cut right down on my phone use, I was finding i was getting frustrated as playing with her and also trying to browse mumsnet and f book etc, it’s better if I’m more ‘in the moment’. Also like you I try and set clear boundaries, like mummy can play now, and then, mummy is stopping playing now…it’s bloody knackering and annoying though. Bring on school (and work for me) 😂

Could you organise a playdate with someone from school/local friend? They're used to being entertained/with other kids all day at school so it is quite a change for them to suddenly have to entertain themselves for parts of the day.

Often sticking to a clear routine helps, so carve a time in the day for you to have some downtime, I find after lunch is ideal. Explain the plan for the day in the morning e.g. 'we're going to go to softplay this morning, then we'll have lunch, then you and DC2 will watch the TV/play quietly/go to your room for a little bit while Mummy has some rest time and then this afternoon we will play with xyz'. Then stick to it. If it's consistent and she knows that there will be time to play after she's more likely to accept it.