Can’t decide whether to stop breastfeeding 4 month old

[Moonshine160]

Please does anyone have any advice regarding this? If you switched from breast to bottle when baby was a few months old did you make the right or wrong decision in the end?

DS2 is nearly 4 months old and mostly breastfed. He has around two bottles per week, I started with expressed milk but now give formula, just a 4oz bottle around every 3 days to keep him used to it.

Breastfeeding has been difficult from the start, especially in comparison to DS1 who I fed till he was 8 months old. DS2 has only been a snacky feeder. I was told his feeds will probably lengthen as he gets older but so far they haven’t and I’m feeding him every 1.5 hours day and night for around 5 mins each time. His weight gain is fine but is only on the 2nd centile and has stayed there since birth and I’ve had pressure from the HV to give formula top ups. I feel exhausted. He also constantly latches on and off and struggles with my forceful letdown and gets bad gas from it, my nipples are constantly scabby from him doing this. He has a shallow latch and squirms and cries a lot when feeding.
The HV and a breastfeeding support worker have both been out to try and help me with feeding issue and I’ve also paid twice to see a lactation consultant who identified a posterior tongue tie so we had that released but it hasn’t changed anything unfortunately.
She also said he has a really high palette.

When I was feeding him a bottle earlier he kept looking at me in the eyes and smiling, he was so calm, there’s never any of the crying or squirming when he has a bottle, and in that moment I just thought I just want to stop breastfeeding. Bottle feeding seems to suit us both better and we’re both happier this way.

The thing that worries me about stopping is how I’ll settle him. For example DH struggles to settle him in an evening when he’s crying and overtired whereas when I hold him to my chest it calms him. Is this because it’s me or is it because of the smell of my milk? He also goes back to sleep quickly after short (but frequent) breastfeeds overnight. I’m worried if I stop I won’t be able to settle him as easily. He’s never fallen asleep while having a bottle.

Any thoughts appreciated!

I switched from mix feeding to fully formula at 4 months and have ZERO regrets. I was happier, baby was happier.
I was aiming for 6months but I hated it and we had various issues too.
its entirely your choice but if you’re miserable you’re allowed to stop! Don’t beat yourself up.
also I don’t remember any issues with settling at night etc, we just tried to do paced feeding to slow him down a bit so he relaxed a bit more as he had his bottle.

Just to add iv never BF always FF from start and to this day I can settle baby for bed better than hubby. No reason why as he's here as much as I am and does 50/50 pretty much including the nights so I can sleep and he catches up in the day. He works from home with his own business so can have this luxury
Baby is 5 months old

I get her into a position wrapped in a blanket holding close to my chest and 90% of the time it settles her and she goes off - just doesn't work with hubby! His position he gets her in is to walk around ( for a while !) where she will drop off! Totally different position upfront facing out ! So sometimes it's just that and nothing to do with smell of milk ( in your case it may well be ) but just wanted to add my experience

He does put her to bed as don't wanna get into one of these where only mum/dad can do it
But it just takes longer !

With my first we worked shifts so dad had to do bedtime at least twice a week alone and I did the other 3/4 nights alone then the other 1/2 we were here together and she just got used to it and could go off like a light with both of us - something I will make sure she continue to do
X

I would stop from what you've described although I've never BF but still that would be my advice from everything you've said x

I stopped at three months both times even though we had no problems. I was going back to work shortly each time, and needed more sleep, so for purely selfish reasons.
They both did sleep much better and I felt far more in control. I'd introduced a bottle at ten days so as not to have a bottle refuser.
Twenty years on, never a single regret.

I stopped at that age with Ds and it was fine. I actually wanted to carry on longer but had similar problems to you and it wasn't working.
Soothing to sleep was no more difficult afterwards. It'll be ok and you've done SO well to get this far, you've already given him great health benefits.

Meh, I would stop tbh, or maybe just increase ff and save bfing for night feeds, just because it can be easier than making bottles up in the cold and dark! Your supply will adjust.

Bfing is brilliant when it goes well. I ixed then exclusively ff dd, ds was a bottle refuser so was ebf. They are 18 and 9 and it's very, very, very rare I think about how they were fed as babies.

Just do whatever you think is easiest. If bfing wasn't supposed to be best for baby what would you do? If ff and bfing were equally lauded? Because there isn't a great deal of difference in a country like the UK, not like you are making bottles with dirty water is it?

I have no regrets about swapping from mixed to fully formula feeding. Saved my sanity. I got to sleep. Used a dummy to settle DC. It's ok to stop now

I think you’re so close to BF getting much much easier. I think at 4 months my DS would still feed for hours. But by 6 months he was so efficient he could have his whole feed in about 5 or 10 minutes. I don’t remember exactly when the change happened as it was a while ago. But baby should get much more efficient at feeding as they get older.

I wouldn’t worry about the 2nd percentile, if he’s been there since birth then that is just his percentile. It’s crossing/dropping lines that are a concern.

However if you want to swap to formula then go ahead, baby would have already had so much benefit from breastfeeding, you’ve done really well to get this far. Does baby take a dummy? I imagine that will help if you’re worried about how to settle them.

You can stop whenever you like. Make that decision and be happy with it. Zero guilt. Don't let guilt rob you of anything.

Baby prefers bottle there's your answer. He will feed and snuggle in to you just the same

You can stop whenever you like. I was told before birth that four months is the sweet spot for maximum breastfeeding benefits, so you’ve done that and more, and even if you didn’t, no one can tell how you fed your child once they wean.

You did mention a high palate though. Were you given exercises to help his oral function? Usually a high palate will come with restricted tongue movement and tension (even after tongue tie separation). A cranial osteo or tongue tie specialist should be able to help. My little girl was missing milestones until we got some help with her palate & tongue e.g. struggled to comfortably roll.

He's had 4 months of your milk - you've done a sterling job against the odds, but if neither of you are enjoying it at this stage, I don't really see much benefit to continuing?
As Highland said, the health benefits are a lot less significant in the UK.

You shouldn’t stop cold turkey, so why not try increasing the number of bottle feeds slowly until you find the right balance? It may be that’s 100% bottles. For me, it is 3 bottles or sometimes 4 although I do pump.

Thanks so much everyone, this has all made me feel so much better. My main concern was stopping and not being able to settle DS, although feeding is so tricky at times it settles him so quickly if he’s crying.

I think as a PP suggested I’m going to gradually introduce bottles, starting with one a day and increasing as time goes on. Then we’ll end up switching solely to bottles or combi feeding if it works well.

I combi feed every feed. I give a bottle of formula then baby goes on breast for a top up which settles her.

@Olios ive never thought of doing this, that sounds like a good idea. How old is your DC?

She is 4 months too. I've combi fed since around week 3

Your supply could be affected though just to flag