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High needs 11 month old - any light at the end of the tunnel?

6 replies

exhaustedbeans · 27/12/2022 18:36

FTM here, so please forgive me sounding so stressed about this, but truthfully I don't know any other babies like my DS, we adore him but DH and I are utterly exhausted. Sad

DS is 11 months and has always been tricky - he's never been fully relaxed, always crying and needing to be held etc. getting so frustrated with his milestones, as soon as he reached one (rolling for example) he'd be trying to do the next thing and getting so cross in the process! Sleeping has always been terrible, he can't seem to fall asleep without being in his pram or rocked by us, he's never been able to self soothe. He rarely sleeps through, which isn't helping my mental health at all.

He's always hated his high chair, goes stiff and whinges. Hates baths too, and gets so frustrated if he's been in his pushchair too long (he just wants to crawl!) He's not walking yet but I'm hoping this will help when he eventually does. His attention span seems really short he will only look at a book for a brief period of time, for example or doesn't want to explore toys for very long.

He won't ever let us cuddle him, he just squirms and wants to be put on the floor, but then as soon as we do he's crawling back to us and hanging onto our legs. He won't go to anyone else either, he just screams. He used to love being with others but now he hates it and only wants us which makes it exhausting, especially during family meals etc.

Weaning has always been a nightmare too when he eats well he's great but it's so rare. It doesn't help he's been teething and unwell pretty much for the last few months! I just feel useless, exhausted and like I don't know what the heck I'm doing. He's just so cross and grumpy all the time. HV and GP have seen him and have no concerns, so it's why I'm posting here. Anyway I could go on and on but I'll stop here.

Thank you for any solidarity or advice!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
VivaVivaa · 27/12/2022 21:02

Ooo I’ve just commented on another post about high needs babies! I love these threads!

YES. Once again, you are literally describing how my DS was to a T. Well actually, DS ate pretty well, but everything else was identical. His first year nearly broke me in 2. People assumed he was always teething as he was so grumpy and upset. The run up to each milestone was utterly horrendous. Aside from the newborn period, months 9-13ish were the absolute worst.

Within a month or so of walking and talking (which he did almost simultaneously at ~14 months), he became so sunny and happy. He also started sleeping better at 14 months - we used the opportunity to night wean him at roughly this point and it was easy, he slept through within a month or so.

He still needs lots of regulation from us and lots of stimulation, but he’s my absolute joy now at nearly 3 and I love my days with him. Keep going because hopefully you are nearly out of the long dark tunnel that is a high needs baby!

CurlyOrchid · 29/12/2022 14:04

No advice, I’m just behind you with a 10 month old high needs baby. It’s exhausting and draining and it’s making me feel robbed of my maternity leave because I can’t do anything nice with her because she just fusses all the time.
Shes a horrific sleeper, won’t even sleep in the pushchair or car, screams and shouts to be fed the moment she’s in the highchair or even sees the highchair, screams the pushchair down if we go out anywhere, and won’t let you leave her side ever.

when she’s happy she’s the best baby around but she’s very hard work. Last nights bedtime took 3hrs to get her to go to sleep despite being tired when we started and bedtime being at an appropriate wake window.

im hoping things improve as she gets older!

3yearstrying · 05/01/2023 16:28

I have one of these too!! 7 months and hes always been so difficult. I got so jealous at other babies just dropping off to sleep on their playmats, or sitting on parents lap content.

Hes such a handful and im working from home too(hardly working)

No advice but you're not alone!!

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Dippysauce23 · 09/04/2024 17:55

Hi 👋🏻 can you tell me when ur little one improved?

NotARealWookiie · 09/04/2024 18:07

i had one of these…I found it got steadily better from walking and whereas other parents find it gets constantly harder and say “wasnt it so much easier when they were babies” you will find it gets progressively easier. I actually loved 2 although it was hard work and every age since has got better. It’s just ghastly having a baby where nothing you ever do is right but it does get better.

it took me years to find psych up for number two and then he was super easy, like a normal content baby - such a different experience!

good luck, it will get better, you’ve done the hardest bit!

ohsoverrrrytired · 11/04/2024 09:54

Hey! I'm the original OP and I'm so glad to say it did get tons better!! My DS is now 27 months and although we are dealing with significant speech delay, he is utterly gorgeous in every way. Loving nursery. So much more confident around those he doesn't know; very relaxed playing on his own, loves cuddles and loves his food, books, walks and being pushed in his pram. Sleeping still hit and miss but mostly sleeps through now. Don't get me wrong we still have the odd day of tantrums but it's rare!

For anyone still in the trenches .... hang in there! It gets so much easier.

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