I can't do this anymore

[Krimson]

Where to start.

1. I am 9 weeks pregnant and suffering from awful nausea and sickness. I'm on medication but still need to get anti sickness injections every 2 days. I was also in hospital last week getting fluids.

1. My 7.5 (8 months in less than 2 weeks) has decided sleep is for the week. He had a brilliant routine and slept well but the last few nights, has been waking up crying during the night. I'm absolutely exhausted he can take a while to settle. Sometimes he is asleep while crying. Co sleeping doesn't work. He keeps rolling about in bed and may be teething.

1. His routine is over the place. He would generally nap 45mins-hour from 9-10am. 1.30-1.45 hours and a cat nap at about 4pm of 20 mins to get him through to bed. Now he is only napping 30 mins in the morning. We've had to resort to take him out in the car today and have him sleep on us to get him to have enough sleep

1. I am generally wanting to end this pregnancy. I can't cope being so unwell and having a baby to look after. I am terrified of having two under two. Coping with two babies if they are ill, if I am ill, coping with both of them not sleeping. I'm just not cut out for it. Age isn't on my side and I don't have a few years to wait and have to accept that I would just have an only child and I feel guilty for depriving my baby of a sibling but all I read is negative aspects and I can't cope with more years of sleep deprivation.

I really don't enjoy being a mum. I can't get a break at the moment as I feel so unwell. I count down until bedtime so I can go to bed early. I hate the 24/7 nature. People said as a newborn it would get easier but it hasn't. It gets harder and harder. I don't feel any joy in life and want to run away and disappear.

What's your partner/husband doing with all this? Do they help?

My husband is beyond amazing. He's doing most of the parenting at the moment but I can see he is tired and I want him to have a break too.

I’d hate to think that, in the future, you may in some way blame your child for what you resorted to.
In about 3 weeks, when the placenta takes over, you may feel very different.
Think very carefully.

Sounds like you are having an awful time. What happened with the sickness in your first pregnancy? Did it improve at 12 weeks? If it did, then I would try and hang on although I appreciate 3 weeks can feel very long when you are being so sick. With your kiddie, they probably are teething. Are you giving pain relief? I would try that to see if it helps. If they won’t take oral medication you can buy paracetamol suppositories online. Hugs xx

I know the feeling. When I was pregnant my doctor kept blowing off my morning sickness even after I told him I lost 45lbs in a month. Probably because I was always overweight. The hospital also told me to just tolerate it until I said I was having thoughts of self harm. Then they finally cared. I felt so worthless and like they were going to let me and my baby die. I told them if my baby died I would kill myself. That’s when They finally started treating my constant vomiting. I was even vomiting water. I don’t understand what they expected of me. I feel traumatized by it. Not too much the vomiting but the nonchalant attitude of the hospital staff.

I guess if a pregnant woman is fat who cares if she is starving right?

You sound like you need to discuss mental health with someone who can offer professional support, before making any decisions. 💐