Gradual retreat from cosleeping to cot!

[Newbiemum76]

Hi, my LO will be 7 months next week and we are cosleeping with the sidecar cot (normal cot size but side taken off and pushed against our bed), we have been doing this since he was 4 months following a really bad sleep regression. I would like to put the side back onto the cot as he is starting to move around more and I’m worried for safety etc so I would like to do some form of sleep training that isn’t cry it out BUT I need to get him to self settle himself as this is the biggest issue!

Our current bedtime routine is bath, change into pjs, bottle, bum patted to drowsy state, put into sidecar cot - he will then roll onto his side/back and I will either hold his hand or the side of his arm depending what position he’s in. He’ll sleep for 30/40 minutes like this and then wakes, he struggles to put himself back to sleep without either being held and bum patted or hand holding and shushing. He generally is a good sleeper when asleep, only waking once for a feed overnight. He also has a dummy for sleep but once asleep he tends to spit this out.

I will then sit next to him while he’s asleep until I’m ready to go to bed myself but I would like to leave him and go downstairs and have my evenings back to spend with my partner. I tried this once and he was so unsettled even when I went into him straight away and I’ve been to nervous to try it since. I would love some tips on how to help baby self settle and then how to do gradual retreat!

@FATEdestiny I feel like you may have some helpful tips!

All and any tips/advice is welcome, I am a first time mum so feel like I’ve got no clue! Especially when a few friends have babies of similar ages to mine and they all seem to go to sleep on their own in their own rooms for the whole night! Where did I go wrong? 🙄

Anyone??

It's hard op!

You've taught him to expect you to be there when he wakes. That won't magically change, it's what he associated with sleep.

You could try just slowly gently reducing your presence when he goes to sleep - patting a little less, sitting a bit further away, patting his hand instead of holding it. When he tolerates that, reduce a bit further and so on - it could take a long time though.

You could also try having evenings where you're in the room when he sleeps but you're a bit further or slower to go to him, or use your voice instead of going to him right away.

I think in most cases, if you do something consistently then that becomes a new sleep association. You just need to stick it out long enough.

I know you probably think cry it out techniques are terrible, we did a gradual retreat one where we sat close to the cot then further and then further without picking DC up. It took about three days each time. Arguably less upset than something that causes mild upset over a longer period.

Good luck!

We did Ferber for bedtimes and naps at that age with both DDs and each time it took about 3 nights to work.

Thank you. I wasn’t sure if the Ferber method would be okay with my little one being so small. He is currently full of cold (as is the whole household) so sleep training has gone out of the window for the time being! I think I’ll revisit in the new year - wish me luck!