Baby - can’t put down

[JL642]

Hello - I know probably completely normal - but my baby is now six weeks and still refuses to be put down in the day at all. So from the moment baby wakes in the morning until when she goes to bed she has to be cuddled. If I put her down she lasts under a minute before waking and crying (no matter how careful I am, how swaddled she is, etc). Any suggestions on when this may improve slightly? I can barely get dressed or showered in the day due to having to hold the baby. It’s got to the point where she struggles on her own even in her pram now. All I keep reading is how everyone else’s baby sleep at least a little in the day in their Moses basket. NB - baby sleeps a little on her own at night so I do get some sleep - it’s just the day really).

Have you tried a sling? So that baby is against you but you have both hands free to get on with whatever you want to do.

It does get easier. My daughter needed to be held all the time at first, then gradually she started to go longer periods lay on her own in her crib.

Doesn't she nap at all in the daytime? Or only on you? Could you put her down for a daytime nap once she's dropped off?

Six weeks is a really difficult age. Maybe you need to reframe your thoughts and consider that it's not the end of the world if the baby spends some time crying. As Winnicott, the family psychologist, pointed out in the 50s, a baby's needs are infinite . They cannot be fully met by you, realistically, so you and the baby have to find a way to compromise.

Thankfully this gets easier as they grow - my two became much more manageable at 11 weeks - but in the meantime, you may have to put up with some complaining from your baby in order that you can meet your own needs. And that is totally reasonable.

My oldest couldn't be put down without being upset. I found a soft sling a lifesaver as it meant she slept in the sling and I could get on with my day. I used a sling for second child from day one. People would say things along the lines of "you'll have a very clingy child/ you're making a rod for your own back/ they'll be too dependent on you/ why are you spoiling that baby/ you should put her down, it doesn't matter if she cries etc". I ignored all of that and did what my instinct said which was to hold my baby. They were both happy and outgoing toddlers and children and are now confident teenagers. So the twaddle people spouted to me about clingy children was unfounded. 😁
I had a sling like this one. www.sling-spot.co.uk/product-category/brands/close-caboo/
Hope you find a solution that works for you and sits well with your heart / instinct OP, whatever that is. Your baby, your choices.

I bought a ring sling for my youngest, who screamed every time he was put down. It was, honestly, a life saver.

Thank you everyone so far. I will try a sling. I really love her and her cuddles, it’s just from a practical perspective I do need to make lunch, and eat, and keep the home a little bit tidy.

Just to clarify, she naps fine in the day - so it’s not a case of her not being able to sleep. Just honestly no matter how deep her sleep is she awakes IMMEDIATELY when she is put anywhere else. I am really careful too putting her down. Just hoping it improves at some point regardless of the sling!!

thank you again for your suggestions, and confirming that it’s not just my baby (although it really feels like it is at the moment!)

My newborn was exactly the same, she was fine in my arms but the second I put her down she would start crying. It's very stressful but it doesn't last long don't worry! Sling is a good idea, otherwise I don't really have any suggestions. Good luck x

I have this with my 3 week old. Only wants to be held, even when he seems to be deep into his nap and I put him down so he still feels warm, rightly wrapped etc he is awake within a few minutes and we start over. I'm naturally a very busy person and a multi tasker so I'm finding the restrictiveness of holding a baby all day SO damn hard! I do have a soft sling for him but the design only enables it to be tightened so far and he is too small for at the moment and flops around in it but it does help for 30 mins here and there to get some chores done! I'm hoping to be able to wean him off me a bit in coming weeks, so your post is helping me to manage those expectations as yours is 6 weeks and still the same! My DS1 was not like this, he went down into his bassenet no problem and would be happy in there awake or napping so it's been a shock to my system!
No advice just shared understanding of the difficulty!

When she goes to sleep, wait 10 min for it to sink in then VERY CAREFULLY OH SO GENTLY set her down. Don't be too quick to move away, or the rush of cold will wake her up! I used to wrap mine in a blanket, feed to sleep, and then set down so there was no rush of cold

Mine wouldn’t even let me put her down to go to sleep without crying till six months sadly. 😅🫣

She would cry before even touching the bassinet. 😨

Some babies are needier than others. Though mine had a health condition and she was under nourished because she couldn’t keep her milk down. Looking back I can’t really blame her for being clingy. I’m glad that even though I was out of my mind sleep deprived I cuddled her because it must have been very difficult for her.

I definitely sympathize with your struggles OP. There are ways to gently get your little synced up to a day/night schedule though. I highly recommend reading up on sleep pressure and downloading the huckleberry app! It’s fantastic information. I was going crazy and almost considered the cry it out method in desperation until I learned about sleep pressure and timing her naps a bit. It’s very much a no tears method and it’s great for the baby and parents alike.

You will still certainly have sleepless nights with them at this age but at least you will have them synced up to a somewhat reasonable schedule so you don’t feel as crazy!

Thank you everyone. I will try the sling and keep going with my fingers crossed that she gets slightly more confident in napping on her own. I’ll look at the apps suggested.