Help with baby during the night

[Kentlassie]

Baby is 4.5 months old. 2 other pre school DC who generally sleep through the night. For the last few days baby has been waking every hour during the night. Since he was born I have done every single night on my own with him. DH argues that I am bf and he looks after the other DC on the rare occasions they wake up in the night/ takes them downstairs in the morning. I remember walking the baby up and down the patio on his pushchair at 3 weeks old in the middle of the night and feeling so alone.

Am I expecting too much to want him to occasionally help in the night?! Currently on wake up number six since bringing baby to bed at 11pm and feeling exhausted whilst DH snores away.

Anyone with a similar aged baby, what does your night look like? Does your DH help/ in what way?

Mine is currently using my breast as a dummy to get to sleep for the nth time tonight, so solidarity.

But I only came in at 1.30am. we split the nights and he takes the early shift. I express in the day so he can use a bottle of needed. Tbh in reality if baby is very upset then it's only the boob which will settle, but sleeping on my own in the spare room for those first 3 hrs or so really helps me. So yes, he should do more. Mine woke every hour for 3 days or do recently, it was hell. He can't expect you to do that alone?

On another note, sounds like baby is going through 4m regression.the quicker your baby learns to self settle the easier it'll be for you. easier said than done, I know!

9 months but hourly wakes for the last couple of weeks… I have twins so it’s a wee bit different but in theory I could do it all myself. But I don’t! There’s no set schedule or routine. Sometimes I’m tired of an evening so go to bed as soon as eldest is asleep at 7ish and DH does a shift until midnight/1am. Sometimes he gets up with me through the night. He doesn’t always hear the babies as quick as I do but I’ll nudge him into action. Sometimes I hit 3/4am and I’ve had enough so he does the rest of the night. Babies are BF and really only want my boobs so they do sometimes end up screaming at him (but they’re not actually hungry, just want the comfort). He just has to hold down the fort for a bit so I can sleep.

Your DH sounds like a bit of an arse. I don’t have any qualms with mothers doing all of the night wakes if it works for her. But you’re actively telling him you want help and he’s saying no… SMH.

His response is he doesn’t know what to do to help. I think it’s the 4m regression too and before this a quick bf would get baby back to sleep but not now…

@ReeseWitherfork our other 2 DC are actually twins, so solidarity to you, I promise it gets easier! (And one a side note, mine are now 2 and it’s so lovely to watch them play and interact together).

With the older two, we took one each at night (twins and bf one and bottle fed the other, so this worked well). Because of this we can’t figure out a way to split the nights or what help I actually need from DH. The simple part of me just wants him to take the baby occasionally….

My OH does nothing in the night with the baby and in exchange I never get up with the older DC. We cosleep and the baby wakes hourly but everyone gets enough sleep mostly.

when the baby moves to his own room and moves onto the bottle ill also probably be back at work so I’ll expect 50/50 at night.

Solidarity from me too.

My son is 4 months old and was a brilliant sleeper after having a very difficult start initially. For the last few nights, he's spent far more time awake or unsettled than asleep.

I have a 3 year old daughter who has spent over a week in hospital. My partner hasn't left her side once. I've visited every day except yesterday and spent most of the day at the hospital with no opportunity or place to sleep.

In the evening, I bring our baby home (he is EBF), play with him, change, feed and settle him to sleep. He spends all night every night sleeping in 20-30 minute blocks before waking up again.

I am BEYOND exhausted. I don't know if this is the dreaded so-called 4 month sleep regression or a change in his routine being away from his dad and sister, constantly travelling to and from the hospital. But, it's SHIT, and I'm on my own with no option yo hand him over to somebody else whilst I sleep.

Before my daughter was hospitalised, my partner would take over for a couple of hours in the evening, then I would feed in the night and get up with our baby between 5 and 6am, every morning. So, a bit of help but still not enough.

Hang in there mummy! Insist that your partner helps look after the baby, even alternate nights or 2-3 nights a week. Offer to get up with your pre-schoolers if they wake in the night (and just secretly hope they don't!).

Fair enough that a breastfeeding mum on maternity leave should take on the bulk of night duties when it’s just 1 or 2 wakings a night but when it’s more frequent or regression etc I would expect more support than this or you will be absolutely knackered.

Thank you OP, I regularly have the fantasy about them playing together as toddlers. Here’s hoping!

I can see why it might be less simple if it was twins last time round… division of labour is a lot easier. And he probably thinks ‘it’s only one baby, she should be able to cope’. He’s done it all before, he knows how it works, he sounds like he just needs reminding!

With both our babies my DH would do the early evening slot so I could get a bit of sleep then get up with them at 5 so I could get some sleep; he’d do this on a work day too