Newly Single Parent

[RiaG91]

Merry Christmas everyone!

There’s a very large possibility that over Christmas I’ve become a newly single mother to a 10months old, instead of an engaged one.

I’m due to go back to work part time 2 days per week early next year and I think my salary will be approx 15-16k.

My little one was going to be in nursery for 2 mornings a week (for socialisation) plus 2 days with my mum (on my working days). I was going to travel to my mum (1hour) each way for the 2 working days so that she could look after my little one.

With the potential change, I need to revisit the plan. I’d have to go back to work full time. To put the little one into full time nursery it will cost £1040. My mortgage is £700 plus bills (house in my name). I’d need to buy a car.

Single parents - can I have your tips, advice and guidance please? What do you do? How do you do it?!

I’ve no local support in the form of friends or family.

Thank you!

It depends how much you'd earn working full time - will you have enough?

Use an online benefits calculator to assess whether you'd get any help as well. I think there's one called Entitled To which is fairly reliable.

Remember to factor in child maintenance too.

When I became a single parent I had no higher qualifications and worked in retail on not much more than minimum wage so going back to work full time didn't cover the bills.

It really annoyed me that I actually had more money coming in reducing my hours to 16 hours a week and relying on benefits. I used the time to study a degree with the OU which means (admittedly years later) I'm about to qualify into a better paid role.

It did take a long time but in fairness it only took 5 years (I did some of the degree part time) to not need to rely on benefits anymore. It's been just over 10 years since I started but that's because I picked a career that required further qualifications and experience before you qualify.

If you already have a career and the qualifications to achieve a good salary and if the nursery you like has space then there's nothing to stop you doing that straight away.

The most important thing to remember is that no one thinks they'll cope being a single parent when they're first facing it but you nearly always do. I hope you get sorted and I'm sorry it sounds like you're having a rubbish time ❤️

It is so much easier than being with someone holding you back. Empty the bin before it needs emptying. Always have a gold coin for the tooth fairy, have a pint of milk in the freezer, same with bread, buy Christmas and birthday gifts across the year, keep a 'small change and fivers' for work collections at work so you don't have to over chip in. Thermos mug of tea or coffee. Go to bed early when you can. Keep a constant eye on the mn bargain thread. Main meal late afternoon so the dishes are done. A bowl of cereal is then enough when you can't be bothered. Bulk buy as much cleaning stuff as you can afford. Saves headspace when you're shopping.

Newly single mum
of 2 after 10 years I’m heartbroken and still little bit in denial feel lost scared lonely everything help me

You'll be fine. Easier on your own often. What is the worst thing just now?

Feeling alone missing him broken hearted feeling lost

You will qualify for universal credit which will help with your living costs and will also pay up to 85% of your nursery fees (though it's capped at 600 and something).

See if there's a local single parents facebook group.

Parenting is much better single than in an unhappy relationship - for both you and the child.

Yes I agree but still love him
and hard when you share kids having to see them