He's such a mummy's boy

[booklovingmum]

Now I'll start this by saying I love how much he clearly loves me and we have a very special bond, he's my world. My rainbow baby I waited desperately for for years.

But, it's such a drain, I have to do everything for him, he won't accept daddy doing anything I have to do it. If I leave the room, he cries, settles quickly but he only ever wants me when I'm around.

He's not so bad that it's always me or I always have to be around, DH does bath time and stuff and takes him downstairs in a morning every other day as we take turns staying in bed for an hour. I force situations and will leave the room to cook and do stuff away from him. He copes but I wish he wouldn't cry or scream when I initially go. When I'm around though it's all mummy all the time.

It's draining and I don't know how to tackle it because it's A LOT.

He's 19 months, a breastfed baby and my DH works shifts so he's often not here at nights or in mornings and sometimes it falls where he doesn't see DH for a few days with nursery times and shifts.

So i know why he's like this and it's not necessarily the worst thing, but I end every day feeling so touched out and so drained and I'm starting to constantly feel low. I feel guilty having any time away from him and even when I stay in bed I don't sleep because I'm anxious and usually just listen to an audiobook.

That does sound like a lot, but it's not unusual and I don't think you've done anything wrong; it is ultimately a phase and it will pass. Please don't feel guilty about having your own space!

Hi OP, sympathy as I know how hard it can be to feel so touched out and exhausted.. but also reassurance, this is entirely normal and a sign of a developing healthy attachment. Separation anxiety is a normal stage of development and peaks between 12-24 months (and then can peak again at times of illness or stress later on). It will lessen with time. In the meantime, it’s important to still have some time for yourself , even just five minutes just for you .. so when he’s asleep or when your DH is there, take a walk, a bath, a coffee, whatever helps you to feel like yourself again. Also , if you have time, there are some really helpful books out there which will give you some reassurance and ideas. Sarah Ockwell-Smith is good. Good luck OP, hang in there, I promise you it will get better.

This is just him showing his emotions. It won't last forever and it is good that you do leave the room to do other things and don't pander and come back for him. Try to get your Dh to also take him out even if it is just a walk round the block to give you time to yourself.

With Ds1 I returned to work when he was a year old but with Ds2 I was a sahm at that point but he was also a very poorly baby and slept on me upright during the day (severe reflux) and then co-slept with me during the day until he went to school at 4. He was very attached to me obviously but Dh made sure he spent one on one time with both children individually. Distraction is the name of the game when they get upset, anything from did you see that bird out the window or special toys that they get to play with when Mum goes out so that he looks forward to that happening.

You cannot parent out of guilt. Don't feel bad about needing a break from him, it is completely normal. When Ds2 was 2 he went to playschool so a 2 hour session away from me. It was great for both of us. Don't get sucked into this nonsense that being a Mum means you sacrifice everything for them, that you cannot take a break from them. Of course you can and you should. It makes for a healthy relationship.

Thank you ladies, I will ride it out and keep doing what I'm doing.

My New Year's resolution should be to try and take more time for myself. I'm on the verge of burning out! X

My DS 20 months takes it in turns to have a favourite between me and DH. But it is really exhausting being the favourite, so I sympathise.

I don’t think there’s much you can do though… we’re hoping the clinginess is just a phase.

Normal unfortunately and I found 18 months about the worst time for separation anxiety. Improved about 22 months. Now is only clingy when she’s poorly! I even got rejected for daddy the other day which has never happened - ever! Also boob mad 2 year old.

My DD is 6 and I still can't move without her being behind me! Solidarity OP