11 year old not so grateful

[Amidoingsomethingwrong]

I'm a single mum and my DC have had their presents a day early as they are going to their dad's house later.
Moneys tonight for me but my 11 year old got the following.

A Nike tracksuit (not that cheap)
A Samsung smart watch (adult style, links to his phone)
Some pocket survival gear
A pillowcase full of stocking fillers.

He also got some clothes and £20 off my mum.

He called the watch a "rip off" apple watch (its a Samsung as he has a Samsung phone so it links to the ap) and he was asking if there were any more presents. I said thre may have been a few more at his dad's.

I am feeling a little miffed that he's not a little bit more grateful. Its what I could afford and that's that. Is that normal 11 year old behaviour?

His younger brother got more bits and pieces but that's because he didn't get a grown up smart watch!

*moneys tight!

That's awful, ungrateful and bratty behaviour and I'd be reading him the riot act before he goes to his Dad's, hopefully he will think about his behaviour while he's away and come back ready to apologise.

There's nothing wrong with what you've given . It seems your son may have wanted an Apple Watch but so would many kids who can't have one . He does sound very entitled and bratty . Can only assume he doesn't understand about money and the cost of things .

There were also some joint presents between him and his brother but he said he didn't like sharing!

He's at that age where all the 'latest' trends are the only things that matter at the moment. However, I would definitely have a word with his attitude and remind him that he has a lot more than any other children who will receive nothing this year. I would also call his bluff and tell him to give you everything back as you've kept the receipts and will get your money back. I bet he appreciates everything then!

He also got a onsie and some cosy bed covers

What did he ask for? Did he do a Christmas list?

Not excusing his bratty behaviour just wondering why he's so disappointed if he did a list and you bought some bits from it?

He sounds too young and immature to appreciate the smart watch. I'd take that off him. One birthday we got our 7 year d a switch so she had just that, a game and some art stuff and she did say is that it but once I explained the switch was expensive she apologised and explained she didn't mean it like that.

Yes I think you are right @teaandtoastwithmarmite
Hes actually come around now and says he loves the watch. I don't think he realised everything it could do. Kids!

That's good then. Tbh I remember having this conversation with my dad over presents sometimes 🤦🏻‍♀️

I'd tell him if he didn't like them I'd send it all back and buy presents for nice children that will appreciate them.

That's what I'd have been told too if I acted like that.

Take it all away from him if its not good enough for him.

Ungrateful little oik. I would take the presents off him and teach him some fucking gratitude.

He’s 11 years old. I’m shocked at the amount of comments that are advising you to shame him! He isn’t a brat, he isn’t ungrateful he’s an 11 year old kid that doesn’t fully understand and comprehend what goes behind actually receiving all these presents.

none of that takes away from the effort you’ve made, OP. You’ve worked hard and done amazingly well to get him the presents he’s got, but he is 11…. He doesn’t understand the feeling of money being tight or having to work for money etc. it’s not ideal his attitude no, but at the same time that’s the problem nowadays - kids want and get brought things that are aimed at adults. When we were 11 we would’ve still been getting toys and age appropriate presents but nowadays kids are exposed to all this technology thag costs a lot of money which they then want - he doesn’t get the expense behind it all.

he may seem ungrateful but he isn’t. He just doesn’t understand. He certainly isn’t a brat.

I would think he doesn't understand budgeting and how to use money - kids only think about lots of STUFF and brands. I wouldn't exactly call him a brat because he doesn't understand Adult responsibilities.

That being said, I would also confiscate anything he said he didn't want (temporarily) and leave him without. Doesn't want to share? No problem, your brother is now sole owner. Don't want the "cheap" watch? Coolio, Mum can send it back to Santa!

Long term, maybe give him some (age-appropriate) financial responisibilty to help him begin to understand how lucky he is?

I think it's a difficult age because they are too old for lots of (cheap) toys etc but at Christmas at least they are still at heart little kids who want the excitement of a big pile of presents. It may be their first Christmas definitely not believing. My 11 yr old looked a bit glum after he had opened his stocking as his little sister carried on opening all her little bits for some time... his was a lot more expensive overall as it had a switch game but when actually opening it it seems less. I couldn't think of anything to put in his though!

I have a fairly typical 14 year old boy and he wouldn't dream of reacting like that to presents so no it's not normal and shouldn't be excused. Does he understand money and work and how much things cost? If not you need to start instilling that in him.

Sorry to hear it op. So much thought goes into what you think they'd like. My DS was disappointed last year but tried to look excited. First Christmas knowing Santa wasn't real, also we had less income. This year I was stressing so much, tried to manage expectations. Thought I'd done ok but about a week ago learned what he really wanted, which irked me somewhat as it is very expensive and all the prep I'd done hadn't stuck with him. So at the last minute I caved and got him the expensive item. He was undoubtedly chuffed today but I'm thinking blimey it's going to be a long January money wise. And his original gift which was the main one he wasn't fussed about. 🙄 so Bit worried I've set his expectations too high for next year
Glad your DS has come round a bit now

Kids are entitled, don't take it personally. You've got loads. It's not what's important. Your love and support is.

All behaviour is communication. He probably wasn't really upset about the present but that's the outlet his feelings took.

11 is a tricky age especially with younger siblings whose piles look physically bigger.

Christmas is overwhelming for lots of children and the expectations that they have which come from us and the media don't always match.

Also having an unsettled day with going to see dad is likely to play a part, is it their first year since you've separated? Even if it's not its enough to unsettle most children a little.

I am going against the grain here.

If he had lots of presents in previous as in toys & gadgets, then to him the list above looks a bit meh.
I also think "sharing presents" at 11 can be difficult- but that depends on the relationship & age of the sobbing.

I think you need to manage expectations a bit better.

Bollocks. He’s 11, not 1. Of course he should be aware of what goes into present giving.

Sounds like he’s realised what a brat he was anyway OP, so good for him.