Uncontrollable toddler

[Nicole0510]

I feel like I should explain myself before I go in about my terrible toddler. I found out super late in my pregnancy that I was pregnant and my husband and I were not planning on having a kid anytime soon, I was not ready to be a mother nor was my husband ready to be a dad. My baby was born a healthy baby girl and it started off with she had colic and acid reflux so everything in my house had puke on it,I’m thinking ok no problem get passed that part and everything will be better until she starts not sleeping ever so I think eventually at 1-2 years she will sleep through the night, since she has been born she has never slept through the night, she’s now 2.5 and screams at bed time screams all day, talks back says no to everything I say to her, tries hitting and throws/ breaks her toys and books, she 24 hours a day touches me and I’m completely at a loss to even discipline her in anyway because she just screams, take her toys, put her in the corner, put her in her room, walk away from her, try to put her for a nap nothing works. Going to the stores or in the car is a complete nightmare with her screaming and kicking and refusing to go in her car seat and anywhere we go she won’t walk she just wants me to hold her all of the time. I am so stressed out and so angry at her for how she acts I have never had an easy time with her. Not sure if I want advice or just someone to talk to/listen.

That sounds incredibly stressful OP.

For the behaviour, there is a book called how to talk so little kids will listen, have you seen it? Maybe getting her sleep sorted would help in the daytime but not sure how to do that.

That sounds incredibly tough. Does she get enough sleep now? Has she hit all her developmental milestones? Does anything in particular trigger her?
You poor thing.

Wow, what a nightmare. What does she enjoy doing? Does she go to nursery?

Try to breathe. I'm sorry you are going through this. I found this for someone else. It might be useful for you, too. Check the How We Help section. 🌹

That sounds really tough.

I would definitely look at how you communicate with her, toddlers really want to be in control and obviously can’t be, but there is lots you can do to give her choices that give her a little control, communication is key even at a young age.

Id second the recommendation for How to talk so little kids listen and also Calm Parents Happy Kids, I have read them both a couple of times every time I feel like my parenting skills are slipping!

I find a lot can be solved with cuddles, empathising with their feelings, giving words to their feelings and reinforcing your boundaries in a kind way. eg. Gosh you are angry throwing that toy, I’m going to take the toy away as I’m worried you might break/hurt something. Would you like a cuddle or shall we play with this toy instead?

if that doesn’t work, check her diet is she eating too much sweet/processed foods? Up the veggies and fruit. Last resort would be to see a doctor but honestly they will probably fob you off unless you have specific concerns.

It's a long time since my kids were little but a couple of things stand out for me, the acid reflux/colic and puking and her wanting you to hold her all the time. I wonder if she has some digestive problems, one of mine had that and we found some success through help from a chiropractor and removing dairy from her diet for a bit, that might not be the answer you want or need but think about what she eats. Sugar can play havoc with small stomachs too.

I wasn't ready for my first daughter and I ended up with a counsellor for a whole year! 20 years ago it wasn't ok to say you resented your child for messing up your life by having been born and wow, toddlers want what they want when they want it. The same child (with digestive problems) needed a lot of holding, gentle holding works wonders. Your daughter is acting out, I think the book suggestions above are good and it sounds like you need support. I'm not sure if you are in the UK or what your personal circumstances are but maybe daycare would also help if you can find it and give you some time off and give her other people to relate to. These things do pass, they do grow up but there are some tough phases for sure. Good. luck.

My 2.5 yo cried for 30 minutes this morning because he clearly didn't want to be awake even though he woke himself up. Solidarity from me

Bar a firm no and removing from situations I don't think any sort of discipline works at this age because they're basically savages with no impulse control. I find the hitting quite frustrating to deal with - one minute we'll be having a cuddle and then next thing he's smacked me round the face. I do just put him down straight away and walk away which seems to help him understand that's not acceptable but I'd rather it didn't happen in the first place.

How's her speech coming along? I've noticed my DS is annoyed when we can't understand what he wants. Is she getting enough sleep?