At breaking point with 9 month old

[bakewellbride]

She won't settle in her cot and I'm still recovering from being sick so just feel so run down.

I just absolutely hate all this so much.

I don't know how much more I can take.

She's just gone down after a feed thankfully.

Great news @bakewellbride try and get some sleep too 💕

@felixthefox I can't as she's awake again. I pleaded with dh but he won't help me (which is unlike him as usually he is great). Just shattered and don't know when things will get better.

Won't be a popular opinion but could you put her in the cot and walk away for awhile ? My middle child was a horrific sleeper and the 9 month sleep regression almost killed me , I got two chest infections and mouth ulcers I was so run down. One night I was literally in your situation and I just walked away for awhile , she was fine of course , my gp once said to me the babies are always fine it's the mothers who aren't and that rings through for me . Look after yourself . I sleep trained my third child , again unpopular to admit on here and it was the best thing I ever did . She was and still is an amazing sleeper whereas my older two still struggle to fall asleep . Just something to consider .

Thanks for the suggestion @itsagranddayfordrying but she'd only wake our eldest and then we'd have a whole new problem - a 4 year old desperate to open presents and start the day at 2am!

9m was when feeding to sleep stopped working for both ours and they woke hourly. We did CC and it took 2 nights for DD1 to sleep 7-7. DD2 took a little longer, maybe 4 nights, and still has a 5am feed, but it's much better than it was.

RE waking the older one - not sure this would work for you but we just prepped our toddler in advance, told her that the baby wasn't going to have milkies at night anymore and so she might be a bit cross and there might be some crying but that mummy and daddy would help her to sleep and soon she'd sleep all night with no milkies just like her sister. Then we turned the sound up on both of their white noise machines so it was like living in a fucking hurricane and just got on with it. Wasn't as bad as we thought it would be.

I just don't get this modern way with babies at all. By 9 months every baby I knew was sleeping for large chunks of a night. Some all night through. Just put them in their cot and leave, I don't know how you can function on so little sleep or how they can function, they need proper chunks of sleep too.

ah OP I fully sympathise. My DD is 9.5 months and we’ve had the same issue for weeks.
I wish I had advice but I’m really on the same boat you are. We use the Henry hoover sound video on YouTube and it sometimes works. I usually end up cosleeping during the night as she won’t settle. But woke up an hour ago to her tummy down and got a fright. I thought I’d always feel her move… obviously not.
according to the wonder weeks app, Dd is going through a leap just now. Is your DC? This sometimes comes with bad sleeping habits and fussiness.
Sending hugs and I hope this passes quickly x

No advice I’m afraid but to let you know you’re not alone.
my lo is 9.5 months and this has been the worst year and now worst Christmas of my life. He screamed and cried all night last night and now most of the day. He is a terrible sleeper no matter what we do.
The near constant crying, illnesses and demands over the past nearly 10 months have made my partner have a mental breakdown and is now on medication and I’m pretty much the same. I constantly look and feel like an absolute mess. Lucky if I’m able to remember to brush my teeth most days.
we have no help or support from family. In fact we’re at the in laws now (a very rare visit) and they have done nothing to help. Not a bottle washed, a nappy changed, just scuttled off every time our baby has another meltdown and left us to deal with it. I’m sick and tired of it all. I genuinely feel like after my traumatic birth maybe I actually died and I’m in hell because I can probably count on one hand the good days we’ve had since he was born.

It is just an honest question. Do your babies have a dummy? I know it’s frowned on by some, but my son went back to sleep within seconds of having the dummy back. Grown up into a truly awesome man now!

@Ihavenodesiretobequotedinthepaperthankyouvmuch
yes mine does. Has done since the first weeks. He likes it but if something is upsetting him in the night for whatever reason the dummy won’t cut it and he’ll just scream instead. I try popping it back in his mouth and some times it works in seconds like you said and others he spits it out and then throws it.

@Pizzaandsushi that's so sad, I feel your pain reading your post. Horrible isn't it. How having a baby can make you feel like this. I feel the shell of the person I used to be. I have a 5.5 month old, no family help and my in laws are rubbish. We refused to see them this Xmas and now they are ignoring us. We had Xmas alone and it was better than being with them. Baby has grizzled all day for 3 days - do I have months of this ? Thought it gets easier 😪

Sending hugs.

I've had this recently with my 5 month old. My partner was unable to help during a taxing work period. All I can do is offer my sympathy

@2kids1Hubby
completely. I don’t even remember what kind of person I was before. My partner and I barely see each other because we take it in shifts just to get some rest.
It’s awful realising how little support you have isn’t it? It’s an incredibly lonely feeling. I mean we have reached rock bottom and they still don’t help. Tbh I didn’t really want to spend Christmas with them either but this way we at least get food as our diet has been shocking the past 9/10 months. Mostly toast rammed into my mouth at top speed.
I would love to say you won’t have more months like this. I really hope you don’t. Truly. I wouldn’t want anyone to be feeling the way we do (baby currently screaming his head of for the past 20 minutes with no clear reason).

@Pizzaandsushi I totally get it, no judgement here. You have to do what you need to do to get through. It's reassuring that others feel the same....Not that I'd like to think of anyone else feeling like this. Wouldn't wish it on anyone.
How was your day? We went to the pub to get cooked for !!! Hubby is trying to settle grumpy pants as we speak. I tried for about 20 mins and gave up, he's now trying. Feed times which used to be regular are now ' what time did she feed...shall we do her a bottle!?! But it's not that, she's grumpy all the same. I really feel for her but I also feel for us! We are really struggling. Not even heard from his family today. But we don't care - we've even told them how little we feel supported and his mum doenst listen. It's all very sad. A much wanted baby and it makes us feel so awful. X

@Borgonzola a development thing maybe ? Mine has been so grizzly but like constantly throughout the day - it's exhausting and I have quite bad anxiety over it
The birth was awful, recovery bad and I think it's a combination of it all
X

@2kids1Hubby absolutely. Four month regression plus teething plus snuffly nose!

@2kids1Hubby I know exactly what you mean. I know a lot of it is social media making me think everyone has perfect lives but I also know some people just have way more laid back babies than mine and although all babies are hard work some are more difficult than others so although I hate to hear others are also struggling, it’s a comfort. Especially when all I see is chilled out babies.
yup! Exactly the same here. We feed him regularly but now he will scream and we think is he hungry? Surely not but should we just make a bottle anyway? Then he takes some sips and cries some more.
like just now he’s been fed, changed, no temp, even some nurofen as we suspect teething, literally can’t think what can be wrong and he’s screamed so much that his hair is now soaking wet from sweat but when we try to comfort he just fights it and pushes us away.
I love him so much and we wanted this baby so badly. I’ve always wanted to be a mum but this is just… I don’t even think I have the words to describe it.
oh I really hope you got to enjoy your food!
I will say when we started weaning his mood changed massively and we had a decent period around 7-8 months where he was honestly like a different baby. Still very demanding and tiring but happier. so I hope this is the case for you and stays that way

I co-slept with both of mine because it was that or not get any sleep at all. I didn't particularly want to do it but everything else just resulted in so much upset/exhaustion all round it just wasn't worth it.

I had my first uninterrupted night's sleep when DS1 was 5 and DS2 was 3 and I had a night away. Have never had a night away with DH as no one to leave them with.

You will get through it OP, just do whatever you can to get some sleep.

Thank you for all the support on this thread.

@Pizzaandsushi sorry to hear about your ordeal. Could your baby have cmpa?

Merry Christmas to all the sleep deprived mummies xx

@bakewellbride he does have cmpa! He’s been on neocate most of his life but yeah that definitely contributed to his misery for the first few months. I think he’s just a high needs baby 😅.

I hope you get some rest and things get easier for you and any others struggling. You’re doing amazing.

How are you doing OP?

@Pizzaandsushi I wonder if my girl has cmpa
We are under a paediatrician who is adamant she hasn't. She's been quite sicky so was on meds for reflex but took her off them as it was so stressful getting it down here.
We have aptamil pepti 1 and milk thickener but they won't try and amino based milk until our next review which is in Jan where she will be 6months! She was 9 wks at last appointment and she did start to settle after a very cryey colicky start but who knows now. It's like she's regressed.

We did get to eat thank you and it was delicious! Such a treat. Nice 3 course meal and even had some wine! She did grizzle there but all in all we were there 2.5 hours and she slept, had a bottle and even a cuddle with the family next to us to give us a break so we could eat our pudding! So that was lovely. Baby was the talk of the pub !

The weaning part is interesting- I'm going to start her a little early so next week and see if that helps. I bloody hope so! She's been asleep since we put her down last, which was at 7 o clock in the end. I'll dream feed her about 11 and we shall see how she goes.

I feel the same - I just know that this is all a phase and they don't last so just try and hold on to that and sending solidarity hugs.

I hope you have a peaceful night and tomorrow is a better day for us x

@bakewellbride Just wondering if you have an update and if you ever got out of this hellish phase? As it’s been a year a go I’m really hoping so.

My second is now 11 months and turned in to a terrible, terrrrrrrible sleeper around 9 months and it’s still ongoing at 11 months, we maybe get the odd week or so of good sleep thrown in. However the last 1-2 weeks has been hell on earth. He doesn’t let you put him down and when you can he really wakes within minutes, maybe even seconds.

We cosleep and have since day one pretty much but I am fed up of being trapped in this pitch black room from 6/7pm most nights trying constantly to desperately put him down. I’m lucky if I get maybe 40 minutes of evening time but it’s very, very rare. In the last week or so he has honestly on average woken maybe 15+ times a night if not close to 20+. We aren’t in a position to get him in to a cot as we’re in a 2 bed and my eldest has ASD so it’s not really an option for them to share whilst the youngest is waking this often.

Really hoping you are around and have a positive update! 🤞🏻