1st birthday inspiration to keep it low key? What did you do?

[sellotape12]

Can’t believe my little one is almost 12 months old. I’m actually emotional thinking about it. I realise that I don’t really want a huge affair over his birthday weekend, not least because I feel fed up with a lot of family who couldn’t be bothered to visit him in this entire first year so why should I then put them up for a weekend a year later? I just don’t want lots and lots and lots of family to be expected to spend the entire weekend with us. How did you frame a low-key birthday? I should point out that both sets of family are in Wales and we are in England so it’s not like they can just pop over – they’re going to need to stay overnight somewhere.

TL:dR - I don’t want a massive weekend for babies first birthday and I would prefer something casual family are expecting to make a big weekend of it because they have a five hour drive

With my 1st it was just my husband, me and the baby. I made a one-layer sponge cake with milk chocolate icing and one candle, and spent the week before teaching him how to blow. No relatives lived anywhere near.

We went on a trip to the Aquarium ! DS loved it as there were so many colours and lights to look at

DD first birthday we just invited the grandparents around for some cake. My in laws invited the rest of the family. So ended up with a house full with no food or drink in for that amount of people. The cake wasn't even big enough for everyone to have a piece 🤣

This sounds perfect!!! This is exactly what I would like to do, but I feel that I have pressure to open my house because of the people that claim they didn’t get time to visit all of this year. How did you communicate with your family? Were they expecting to come and did anyone feel put out?

We did a pub lunch for the immediate family and then a trip to a museum with soft play on the actual day.

Well eldests first birthday was in lockdown so waved at grandparents from the window 😢
Second we went to the farm park for the day and then had the grandparents round for tea a slice of cake.

Well if they live 5 hours away I can see why they wouldn't think driving to watch your baby cry/nap/feed was that pressing. That's all they do in the first year. Maybe you should start a WhatsApp group, or whatever your families equivalent is, and send them some group Airbnb options. They'll get the hint!

We just went out for lunch with the GPs

So your parents or in laws havent seen your baby at all in the first year? Or you mean you've taken your baby there to see them that way?

How about suggesting a meet up in a pub half way? Perhaps somewhere that has a nice walk nearby to walk off the cake afterwards?

Pretty much this. I get that they don't know it's their birthday etc but it seems fine to me to plan a day your babe will actually enjoy- very low key with a little cake, think we went to the park.

We did a lunch with both sets of grandparents and half siblings. No one had to travel far. It was over late afternoon.
Everyone else had visited shortly after we came home from hospital, and if they hadn't well they weren't interested enough. We only invited the grandparents.

On her actual birthday we had both sets of grandparents over for tea & cake. They stayed about an hour & a half but they only live 5 minutes & 20 minutes.

On the following day, we had a few friends over. None of our friends have children but friends came who liked/didn't mind children and they all knew each other so it was more of a catch up for the adults. We just brought sandwich platters from M&S with some crisps.

Nothing too fancy as she won't remember.

Sorry if I'm missing something, but just don't invite them and do whatever it is you want to do to mark the day.

Do you think they'll all rock up on your DC's birthday morning?

Seems unlikely if they've not bothered for the last 12 months

Have they met him?

The grandparents on one side have seen him lots and dote on him. The grandparents on my partner’s side are a bit cooler. they have seen him a few times and visited once. my husband’s siblings have visited once for a few hours when he was a couple of weeks old and have been “too busy” all the other times we invited them. So it’s an auntie & uncle issue mainly. They’ve now asked to come to his birthday but I wasn’t even going to do anything special. I’m back at work that week and it all feels a bit much.

Ok
So how about

Aw, that's so lovely of you. But we're really not doing anything to celebrate.
Hopefully, we'll see you .... <insert suitable occasion>

We had a few friends with similar-aged children over for a bit of cake and a chat. My parents and sibling's family came too, iirc, but they don't live too far.

Maybe just say that you're having a couple of friends over in the afternoon and that they can come and join the gathering (don't call ita party to downplay it) and stay the night but you'll be unable to properly host as you'll be concentrating on your LO and their celebration.