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Parenting

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How to process grief as a parent

2 replies

Mamabear04 · 20/12/2022 14:03

A very close friend passed away a week ago. It was expected but its still a horrible shock. I have 2 young children 3yo and 5mo. I don't have anytime to myself and I'm trying so hard to be positive and make Christmas special for my 3yo but I feel so stretched out. There is always a constant to do list, I barely have time to clean etc let alone process my grief. I've noticed myself getting very easily angered which I think is because of what's happened. DH helps as much as possible with the kids but he also works full time and is also strung out. My parents already look after my 3yo 2 days week (she will start nursery part time come January). I guess my question is how am I supposed to grieve when I don't even have time to bloody pluck my eyebrows or drink a hot cup of tea? I feel absolutely horrible and feel like I'm being a terrible mum. My 3yo definitely has definitely noticed I'm so angry etc.

OP posts:
YellowHpok · 20/12/2022 14:08

I'm really sorry for your loss.

On some level you are processing it, as the anger is part of that process. I agree however that it would be better to have some proper time to think things through.

Are you able to take some time once the kids are in bed,go for a quiet drive/walk/bath? I'm not religious but do find sitting in a church quite contemplative.

A few things that might help:

  • can your parents take the 5mo for an hour or so when they have your 3yo? Longer if possible.
  • stop trying to keep on top of everything. I think sometimes we keep ourselves busy so that we stop feeling things, because the feelings are scary. What would happen if you just stopped for 15mins whilst the kids watched TV?
  • don't be hard on yourself. Anger is normal, these things take time

Best wishes

MolliciousIntent · 20/12/2022 19:14

I'd treat this as an emergency and say your DH has to take leave, honestly.

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