Co-parenting dilemma should I intervine?

[Carlag]

First post, I really need some advise from an outside perspective please. My dd is nearly 12, and me and her dad have been separated since she was 1. Few hiccups but generally got on ok. We both got in other relationships and had other children. Problems have started since new gf came along, he stopped seeing his ds altogether ( I'm an outsider so can't comment on situation but me and ex are now in contact so the kids can still see each other). His relationship is not my business, but he has now gone from having dd once overnight at the weekend and once in the week after to school to seeing her once or twice a month, cancelling on her last minute and has now chosen to spend Christmas with the gf instead of our usual arrangement of split Christmas day (personally I am happy to not have to share her, but I feel bad for her as she's always enjoyed this). Do I say something to him and tell him to sort himself out as it's upsetting my daughter or do I just grit my teeth and hope she makes her own decisions?

I think it would be fine to mention that you’ve noticed a chance recently and ask if he can stick to contact plan so your daughter knows what she is doing.

beyond highlighting it as an issue I’m not sure there is much more you can do if he chooses to keep being flakey. Sounds like he’s prioritising his new girlfriend over his daughter. Very sad.

Thank you so much for your reply, very good advice! I'm just so annoyed by it all I don't want to act irrationally haha

Just send a light message or even better just talk and ask what’s happening as your concerned your dd isn’t getting to spend much time with him. As she gets older she’ll start wanting to spend more time at home or with friends.try not to make a big deal of it (easier said than done)

Split Christmas days or shared Christmas days are a bonkers idea because at some stage one party will want to be spending time with their new partners and as harsh as it sounds their children from subsequent relationships/marriages. I am so glad we went with alternate Christmases from the outset as it meant there was never this upset later especially if the kids were young enough to not know any different.

I would ignore the Christmas element and focus more on the everyday cut down in stays. Ask if there is a reason? Perhaps work patterns have changed. Explain dd feels upset at the time being cut down.