4.5 month old fussiness

[Bubbles021]

Hello everyone,
Just looking for a bit of a hand hold and space to let thoughts out I think. DD is 4.5 months old. She is our rainbow baby following the loss of our son at 33 weeks last year, and our only living child.

I have definitely had my struggles since she was born, especially with guilt that she is here and her brother is not (I am still having counselling to help). We had a difficult few weeks of breastfeeding before eventually moving to bottle, which left me feeling like I had failed her.

I am aware that I'm a very anxious mum. Not only did we lose our son, but we sadly also lost our nephew in August at 4 weeks old, meaning I worry about her health a lot of the time, though this is improving. I also worry that she hasn't bonded with me, but I know deep down this is just my fear of losing her causing these thoughts. Now that she recognises me as mum and smiles as me, I know we do have a strong bond.

None of my friends have children, so I find it hard talking to them about it as they don't really acknowledge the difficulties. I also feel that I can't truly explain how difficult parenting is to them, as I don't think they understand why I'm struggling when she is so wanted following the loss of our son.
The past couple of days she has been having a difficult time. She is teething, so I know this hasn't helped, but she has been very whiney and is crying a lot more than usual. She is usually a very happy baby, so it's difficult seeing her this way. She is still having her happy and playful moments, but she seems to get fed up much quicker and will moan or cry until I pick her up, but when I do pick her up she still moans or cries. I just wondered if anyone recognises this as something their own baby went through at around 4 months? I'm trying to remind myself it's probably just a phase, but the fear of letting her down and her not finding me to be a source of comfort to her are coming back into my head.

I just want to add that I absolutely adore her. She has brought back parts of me that I thought left me forever when my son died, and I am so grateful she is here. It's just been a tough day and I think I'd find some help in hearing others experiences.
Thank you

Hi I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your son and nephew. I can say that the first few years little ones go through so much development, there are many fussy phases and sleep regressions. My son is 5.5 months and he's gone through several phases where he's been fussy for a few days and it's stressful and somewhat frustrating each time. Your daughter has surely bonded with you, babies usually "decide" who their primary caregiver is between 3-7 months and their attachment just grows and grows from there. But all babies are different so you'll probably have plenty of moments where you question things... My daughter was not cuddly at all as a baby, always pushed away from us when we held her, but as a toddler she is 1000% a mama's girl, nobody else can kiss her owies but me, and she would sleep in my arms every night if I let her. Babies are just weird and confusing little wonders, but believe me, they absolutely adore their mummies in their own way and you'll see it as she gets older.

Really sorry to hear you lost your son and your nephew.

As the PP said, my DC have both gone through different phases and regressions. Have you heard of the wonder weeks app? This really helped me understand some of the phases and after some of the fussy periods it's amazing to see new skills develop.

So sorry to hear of the loss you have suffered.

Do you think she could be approaching some milestone? Such as rolling over or sitting up? That can certainly cause fussiness before they master the skill. She might even be approaching something less physically obvious. My son is 5.5 months and has been soooo fussy this past week. However last night he slept really well (unheard of) and today has been sitting unaided for long periods for the first time.

I think it can make the fussy spells easier to handle when you frame it as they're learning a new skill.

So sorry to hear what you've been through. I suffer with anxiety and its really tough - with the extra on top you've dealt with I can only imagine how hard it is.My baby is 7 months and I've found 4-7 a really tough period. Super fussy, learning new skills and just generally so tough. Grumpy/happy/grumpy/happy has literally been it for 3 months. Cried more during that than as a newborn!Only really coming out of the other side of that phase really.All sounds normal to me and similar to what my boy was like.Happy to chat if you want to PM at any time ❤️

Thank you all for your kind responses ❤️
I feel silly for even finding it hard, think it's just been one of those days.
She has had her fussy times before this, are 8 and 12 weeks, and we made it through those! It just knocks you off your feet a bit when it comes back!
Thank you all x