3 year old touching herself

[OrionNebula]

Hi, my little one is 3 years 5 months. About 4-5 months ago she started touching herself, when watching TV or in her buggy. Then her nursery mentioned she has been doing it there as well. We talked to her about it, said she can't do it when other people are around, only when on her own in her bedroom etc. Started to talk about why some body parts are private etc.

Anyway nursery hasn't mentioned it for a while, she has been doing it a little bit at home but not as much. This morning husband collected her and teacher asked "is everything alright at home" and said she had been doing it again.

Feeling upset and worried - will they think we are abusing her or something? I know people will say not to shame her for doing it etc but if the gentle approach isn't working and the nursery are bringing it up, what should we do?

Any advice? Thanks

It's perfectly natural for young children to learn that something feels nice and then use it as a way to self soothe going forward. Very common in boys playing with their penis. It's a sensory thing. Yes she needs to understand that she can't do it in front of other people but I would focus on WHEN she is doing it and what triggers it. Is it over excitement? Boredom? Nervousness? Simple enough to mature down the trigger and then have something else to divert her attention/self soothe another way.

My nephews were terrible for this but they did grow out of it.

Our dd did this when she was the same age often by the window.☹
H V said to ignore or distract her so we used to call her away to do something else.Apparently it is a self comforting thing at that age.

Not long I can't remember exactly.

Thanks. I'm not sure if it is boredom exactly but at home it does seem to be when she is watching TV. If she is playing with her toys she doesn't do it. Doesn't do it when out and about except sometimes in the buggy.

I will ask the nursery what the circumstances are when she does it there.

The nursery should know this is very common for small children recently liberated from nappies, and I don't know why they are making a fuss about it.

I would take it as a sign there's someone quite uptight supervising her group, and I'd be a little worried that they have mentioned it, tbh.

Totally normal. You just need to reiterate where it’s appropriate to do it (and where it isn’t) but 3 is very young to really understand privacy. She’ll get it in the end.

I agree, it's very common and a perfectly normal way of self soothing. You've had the talk now just distract or say ' not now.'

In my opinion this is normal. Kids are curious at age 3. My son did this, still does, if he's sitting on the couch after a bath he just plays with it unknown to himself, also my daughter who is only coming 2, runs around the house naked in the vlevening after a bath and when she sits still, she'll just touch her privates. I don't acknowledge it, I do sometimes when she wants me to see she is doing it, just gently say "no no that's your privates". But in my opinion this is a normal part if childrens behaviour. They are human, however obviously if you have further concerns, don't ignore them.

Nspcc website is useful and has lots of info on normal for age behaviour learning.nspcc.org.uk/child-health-development/sexual-behaviour

Thank you. I don't mind them mentioning it to me but it was the "is everything alright at home?" comment that got me worried. As if they will think we are abusing her or something

Thank you, that info is very reassuring

I thought this too. Perfectly normal behaviour!!

Have you checked there is no medical cause?

I can't see anything obvious. I do have a look when she is having her bath and when I help her wipe after using the toilet and it doesn't look red or sore. She's also pretty good now about saying when something hurts so I think she would tell me.

I would ask the GP to dip her urine.

Completely normal and I am surprised by the person at the nursery who does not know this.
Don't worry, OP. They grow out of it.

My 4 year old is absolutely obsessed with his Willy. He is forever touching it and playing with it. My 5.5 Yr old was the same but is now getting more shy about his body parts and doesn't do it. I would definitely say it's a phase.

Childhood Educator, not uk, completely normal and age appropriate. Continue to remind about privacy and not doing it in public. But don’t worry. I am surprised about the response from the day care.

Thanks everyone, this thread has been very reassuring

My 5 year old did this and she still loves a bit of a scratch down there now. She knows to only do it at home and to wash her hands after. Really normal so please don’t worry. Nursery workers comment is way off, what a twat.

My DD still asks to look at it in the mirror sometimes, she knows to just do this with mummy (me) as I am also a girl....

Sometimes we we all need a bit of a scratch and a ‘sort it out’ downstairs moment or two 🤪

I agree - I bet they wouldn't have mentioned it if she was a boy! 🙄

loads of good advice, just one other thought though, could she have worms?