I feel like shit mother

[Worstmother]

not looking for a sympathy and pat on the back. I was getting DS (2) ready for his bath. Trying to clean his ears, he was fighting because he wanted to go and brush his teeth all of the sudden. I am so fed up. I took his toothbrush and toothpaste out of his hand and threw it across the hall. I feel like shit. I cant control my anger. He would be better of with anyone else. Its not like i imagined being a mother. Not the example my parents set for me.

We all do it sometimes, don’t beat yourself up. Just remember it next time and tell yourself that’s not who you want to be as a parent. I lose my cool far more often that I thought I would as a parent, but we’re all human and sometimes kids can be the ultimate trigger!

A truly shit parent wouldn't think there was a problem and wouldn't recognise that they'd let their anger get the better of them.

I'm quite sure that your parents will have had moments when you were small, you just won't remember them.

Are there any factors that are contributing to the way you're feeling at the moment? Are you getting enough sleep? Are there outside stresses for you atm?

😔 I know exactly how you feel. It’s not great that you did this but it does not make you a terrible mother. I’ve lost it before and feel absolutely horrendous about it. But all you can actually do is cuddle your little one really tight, say sorry and just calmly explain that it’s not ok but sometimes we all get a bit cross. But try to reassure that they did nothing wrong and you will never let it happen again.
Then try to work out how you can avoid it happening again.
you are not a bad mother. I’ve searched these threads over and over and one bit of advice that always comes up which is so true is that if you were a terrible mother you just wouldn’t care that you’d done this.
it isn’t easy. We all lose it. Just cuddle them tight and tell them how loved they are. And remember to be kind to yourself. You’re doing your very best xxx

I was in the same situation as you and found a great technique. Shake you hands and say 'this is not an emergency.' Over and over, out loud or in your head. It really helped get me back into the present and calm me, give perspective back.

Is it a one off? Or do you lose your temper like that more often, once a week, every few days? If it's a one off, don't give it another moment of thought, these things happen to us all, toddlers are little fuckers sometimes and you're only human.

If this sort of thing happens more than once or twice, I think you should consider speaking to your GP about anger management and your HV about parenting classes. Hopefully they will be able to advise.

Thank you all for kind messages. Its not a one-off..definitely not. Quite often. Which makes me feel even worse.
i do have a lot of problems and stress at the moment, but its not an excuse. I already spoke to the gp but it took me nowhere, i am referred from one place to another with horrible waiting time. I do snap and take out my frustration on others but i am really trying to change it and work on myself for my ds.

My daughter is non stop defiant and pushes me to the limit constantly, finding it funny most of the time. I often scream for a moment at her but snap out of it quite quickly, so don't worry.

Do you have anyone to help you with him?

Has anyone suggested these:

www.familylives.org.uk/advice

www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/

Thank you. I will have a look at both links tomorrow.

to answer previous question, no i have no help. Husband helps when home which is almost never due to work.

you're not a shit mum, btw. Just in need of support. 🌹

You’re not a shit mum. You’re a mum trying to do better and that makes you a good‘un!

Does husband understand about your temper? If he understands how angry you get and he is still never home, then he's being a pretty shit Partner and Dad.

The priority is keeping your son safe. Do you feel that you're at risk of getting physical with your son?

Best advice I can offer is to try and prepare yourself for constant big challenges of resolve, especially when things are going ok and just one or two tasks left.

Try thinking outside the box for ideas to get him to do his tasks (bribes / threats), light hearted naughty mat?

Maybe find ways to relax, I used to do a fair bit of mindfulness and meditation, which I keep meaning to get back into.

Literally every parent has done something like this, I promise

I have a call booked with GP for tomorrow. Again…lets see if they will be more helpful this time. I believe there too much anger, helplessness and aggravation going on for a long time, which needs to be addressed. It just hurts the most when my little one is affected by this.

@SleepingStandingUp such a nasty thing to say. Please leave my husband out of it as he is not a shit partner or a dad.

@Worstmother just checking on you. Hoping you have been able to take a step back and gain a bit of perspective. I thought I'm also suggest you might look into some counselling for yourself. You alluded to something as a child yourself. Counselling may help you let go of those lingering hurts. Sending you love and wholehearted support. 🌹

We all make mistakes, lose our cool etc. The important thing is to repair with your child and keep working on doing better next time by figuring out what triggered you & how to heal that part of you. You're not a shit mum, you're a human mum.