Urgent help needed- DS wants to be carried all the time(very long - sorry)

[kauto]

Our DS is 8 weeks old. He wants to be carried all the time. If he is put down he cries, but stops as soon as you pick him up. We are confused by all the different advice and don't know what to do for the best. I have a ring sling but can't work out how to wear it comfortably, so am going to borrow a wrap to see if that is easier to use. But what about times e.g when I am cooking and I can't use the sling do i put him in his bouncy chair and let him cry? or use pu/pd technique as suggested by HV? DH works from home so I tend to pick DS up so that he does not cry too much and stop DH working. Linked to this is that he will only sleep if he is on my chest or on DH chest. At the moment I sleep propped up on pillows and am trying to reduce the amount so that he will hopefully sleep on the bed next to me eventually. In the day he only sleeps when we go for a walk, but wakes when we get home or in his bouncy chair if you make it bounce continuously. I am rarely getting to catch up on sleep during the day so am getting really tired so I need a way that will let us both sleep. DH takes him in the evening so I can get some sleep during the night. Our flat is open plan so we haven't got anywhere that we can make dark to help him to sleep. What would you advise us to do? carry on as we are until he reaches the magic 3 month mark? Or try to get him to spend some time during the day without being held? Do we use pu/pd to try to get him to have a day time nap? I don't think I have the energy to try to sort out the night sleep yet. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Honestly?

I'd get a sling I like and wear him.
I've cooked wearing a baby - showering might be a problem....!

Get a swing, or a vibrating chair, or put him in his bouncy chair under a baby gym.

What is the magic 3 month mark?

i got a swinging/vibrating chair from Argos and it saved my life...my pal had one and described it as "THE gift from GOd" and i agree!
mine was exactly the same as yours and i was able to get a couple of hours sleep by putting him in it.
Stock up on batteries btw.

wandering trolley - we keep being told that it will all get better once ds reaches 3 months hence the magic 3 month mark.
donbeam- we have just bought a swinging chair from ebay.
It is just good to hear that other babies are the same, as first time parents we have read several parenting books and they often seem to suggest we are making a rod for our backs by picking him up all the time.
Psycobabble- how old was your son before he was happier to sit in his chair for a bit?

kauto anything/anyone who says those awful words 'make a rod for your own back' is spouting a load of rubbish. you can't 'spoil' a little baby, just go ahead and do whatever suits you all best. a bit of crying in the bouncy chair may be unavoidable but agree with every one else, a sling will help a lot.

oh it is hard though, we used to eat in shifts, actually we did everything in shifts with one of us looking after ds.

Find a good sling and wear it. He won't be tiny for long and obviously needs a lot of vestibular stimulation to feel calm. So the quicker he develops this system the better.

As for cooking tea I suggest that you eat a lot of salads and sandwiches or that dh wears the sling as he works for 30 minutes whilst you do the boiling water and stuff.

wilkinet was a godsend at that age.

Ring slings more like 3 or 4 months IME

oops, probably didn't make it clear in original post, but dh often stops work and takes ds during the day so that I can shower etc and we are already doing things in shifts, I just wondered if there was any other way of dealing with ds and how long it would go on for?

Agree with fishie and Psycho. You can't spoil a tiny baby.

I wouldn't bank on him changing magically at 3 months (who told you that?) Babies seem to change randomly ime. Some just like to be carried a lot.

Second the Wilkinet suggestion. A faff to work out initially but well worth it.

I think you should do what makes you happiest.

It's maybe best not to give yourself a "deadline" of when you think your DS will stop being like this. He will probably do it gradually - just when you've got used to slinging him every second of the day and he decides he wants something different and all your nice systems are down the drain.

I loved my wrap and found it a godsend. Used it everywhere and anywhere and DS got better and better at being in it. Some babies need to be upright, and they need to be held. The books don't tell you about those ones, because they like to sell you fancy theories about how to make your baby more manageable (why?? So you can do more housework )

DS was like this - he's now 2.3 and a joy, though still tremendously tricky at all the traditional "good" baby things like sleeping and leaving parents alone. I have enjoyed it though and found the slinging very liberating.

Oh and just in case I'd forgotten the baby stage, we visited some friends the other day with the easiest baby in the world (now 6 months) and their house was still a mess and they were eating out of packets. You're doing tremendously.

I realise that all babies are different and that he probably won't magically change at 3 months but we just needed to know that it won't be like this forever and that what we are doing at the moment is ok. It looks like we will be having ready meals and food out of the freezer for a while then.

Mine is also 8 wks, also wants to be held always. I read no parenting books so didn't know some people think you shouldn't! I hold him, he likes it. Sooner or later he'll be too heavy so then we'll have to think of something else. Your ds obviously just loves his mum and wants to be close!

My ds was exactly like yours - he is now 22 months. I started with a ring sling and couldn't get on with it, graduated to a Hugabub and then to a Didymous. Try www.thebabywearer.com/ for advice about different slings - I found it invaluable. As other people have said all babies are different; my first, a dd, was dead easy then along came ds who had silent reflux and NEVER slept unless he was held by me and we ended up co-sleeping which wasn't what I ever thought I'd do but it saved my sanity. It wasn't easy but we got there eventually and he's now a sweetheart except that the terrible twos are starting but that's a different story ..!! Good luck, ignore all the books and "helpful" suggestions and go with your own instincts. BTW I could cook, have a pee and deal with dd who was 16 months and not yet walking when ds was born all with ds in the the sling so practice makes perfect. We've got baby no. 3 due in April so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this one's a doddle!! xx

Hi - haven't read whole thread - but my DD also like this - slings are the answer and seven months on I can honestly say I'm glad she's like this because we've had such lovely cuddles. Read Dr Sears and invest in a couple of slings (ring sling good for house, I also love my coorie, wraps also very handy for very young baby..) also, i'm fitter and stronger than ever in my life, and thinner than i was pre pg, because of carrying her around all day.

Cranial osteopathy can also help settle an unsettled baby and worked wonders for our DS1.

We've just tried cranial osteopathy as well and I must say results so far are promising.

Thanks for all your messages. I have had some help with my ring sling and can now wear it more comfortably. DS loves it and falls to sleep as I walk around. I'm not ready for cooking when I am wearing the sling as I am quite clumsy and worry about dropping things onto ds. We have been visiting a cranial osteopath and it has helped.