What a day at home looks like with a 7/8/9 yr old

[MontageOfHeck]

I’m a SAHM and I’m really struggling with my children aged 7 and 8. The long and short of it is that unless the TV is on, they constantly need attention and rarely play independently (8 yr old DD has started to for small amounts of time, but DS7 just won’t), so they’ll nag me and bicker relentlessly. I suggested doing some drawing yesterday, and my son insisted I sat with them the whole time…I remember drawing independently as a child (amongst many other things). They have plenty of books, toys, craft kits, science kits, board games.

I just don’t know what is “normal”…I don’t like them watching too much TV, so I limit it, but even if I go off to hang some washing out, they’ll run into the sitting room and sneakily put the TV on (even if they’ve already had a long stint of it).

If you have a day at home, do your children ever go off independently? Am I expecting too much?

My dc are really independent. I don’t know if it’s because they’re just like that or because I largely refuse to play with them. I’ll do art stuff, bake with them etc occasionally and take them out a lot but I hate playing.

Dc7 plays alone for hours with toys and has free rein of the tv. She’ll alternate between toys, art stuff and the tv.

Dc10 is getting a bit too obsessed with her laptop in the last few months. So I’ve had to limit it otherwise she’d be in her bedroom all the time. When she’s had her time she’ll paint, do calligraphy or practise drawing at her desk, read when asked, talk or watch tv with us downstairs.

They both have a fair bit of homework and extra-curricular. I don’t limit tv whilst at home instead try to limit it by not being home all the time. Which makes it easier to let it go when they do have it on a lot one day/weekend.

If I were you I’d make sure they were fine then go have a bath/shower/time in your bedroom and let them get used to you not always being directly there. I’ve done this since mine were small and it’s helped I think.

I rarely have a day at home all day unless it’s due to illness. My kids are younger but my oldest is 6 yrs and she will fill
her time with lego, playing with toys, reading, creating things for which she may ask me go help her find some crafts.

I've got 3 dc aged 10, 7 and 4. They all play independently on a day at home. They get the colouring/lego out, will go play football in the garden, play daft games with each other, make dens etc. They have free access to TV and games consoles generally but will have say 30mins then play something else.

It's rare we are home all day. They're at school. In the holidays I usually have some form of leaving the house planned everyday.

Saying that today we're not going out. They will pretty much have free reign of the telly and Xbox. My eldest 9YO is autistic and has never really 'played'. He just goes into his own little world and paces about. 7YO will entertain himself but does also like me doing things with him as well.

I'm going to sound like an arsehole, but you're a SAHM. You know they want you're attention. Focus on doing the jobs when they're in school and give them your devoted attention at weekends. In the holidays, let them set in front of the telly for a couple of hours while you get shit done.

We never stay home all day - DS(7) has never been good at occupying himself and, although he is better now, he would melt my head by narrating everything he is doing and wanting me to play King of Tokyo, and end up with too much TV and tablet time.

So we always go out and about (he does football, Beavers, Cricket) and have lots of playdates. I would kill for a day at home just tidying up and doing nothing, but it isn't my destiny. Today we will go swimming then later meet friends and take the kids to see the Regent St lights and buy the annual bauble.

DS 8 and DS 6 spend a bit of time in the morning and evening on their tablets/TV. Too much time on them and they get grumpy and irritable.
They very rarely think of things to do on their own. Get annoyed at suggestions.
However DS 8 has started to enjoy drawing from tutorials and reading certain books, and this means that DS 6 has too, so they'll happily do that for a while.
They can also play with wrestling figures together for about 15 minutes before arguing.
Oh and nerf guns.... If I can tolerate it, usually ends up someone getting hurt from running and jumping in the house or arguing over who has which gun, or who's got all the ammo.
I feel like chucking all their other toys away tbh as they rarely play with them.
It can be very frustrating if we don't get out as they have so much energy to burn -
which resets to full every hour or so it seems.
It's a whole heap of fun 🙃

Thank you for all your replies.

We do usually spend most days out. This week, for example, we only spent one morning at home and I think I just felt fed up that during that one morning, they wanted constant attention, unless the TV was on. Unfortunately, mine just do not self regulate with the TV and would sit there for hours if I let them. This week, for example, we’ve been to Norfolk for 2 days, played outside in the snow, had friends over, soft play, visited family.

I guess I worry that by being out all the time, I’ve created a monster that requires constant entertaining, so wondered if perhaps I ought to spend more time at home. We certainly didn’t have the option to go out everyday when I was a child as we couldn’t afford it.

They broke up from school on 8th December, hence why I’m having to do some household chores whilst they’re about…

I will definitely start encouraging more independent play, even if just for 20 minutes here and there.

I used timers to in-still this sort of independent play- set them up with an activity and give them the boundaries (no asking for a screen/ making excuses like needing a drink / the loo etc to get my attention!) , then gradually increase the time. My 9 year old will read, draw cartoons, potter around with Lego, read through his Pokémon cards etc for a good hour now but it took a lot of tears sometimes at the frustration of having to entertain himself rather than be entertained. Defo worth it though, it's built up really gradually- like 5 min increments.

They broke up from school on 8th December

Way too early!

I’ve got a nearly 8 and 9 year old. The younger one wants me to play with her a lot still; board games, craft, Lego etc. The older one spends time in her room along reading, writing stories, hair styling etc.

As someone else said, if you’re there they want your time. Which I don’t think is unreasonable.

I try to manage the day in chunks - we do things together (swimming, baking etc), I send them off to amuse themselves for a bit, then I try to spend time with them individually.