Going back to work after maternity leave - freaking out a bit

[PoTayToes80]

Seeking reassurance!! I'm a few months off returning but I've landed a new job and I'm suddenly terrified at the prospect of returning to work, especially to something new, and not coping. I'm doing reduced hours, 4 days per week but I've been trying to sit down and do some planning and it's making my mind spin. HOW do you all manage? Plus I'm just soooo tired. I'm currently on holiday at the grandparents with my partner and I'm napping every day and then barely making it to 9pm in the evening. I can't imagine making it through a full day's work.

I'm also meant to be continuing studying for professional qualifications next year 😱

I know the answer is: be super organised. Therein lies the terrifying part, I am not that person. I would love to be. I buy multiple organisers, make lists and plans, and then fritter time and run around doing things last minute.

Help me mumsnet hivemind. Can a disorganised person pull it together and balance work/ parenthood / nursery runs / study/ cook meals / maybe even some kind of personal time without having a personality transplant?

And that's not even getting onto my fear of falling on my face at a new job and worrying I should have stuck with the devil I know instead of moving...

And yes I DO have a partner that absolutely pulls his weight and more. However he's not much of planner either, he just sees things that needs doing right now and does them, he's never had to advance plan his time with precision!

Somehow you just do it. It takes a while to find your rhythm with it all. There are practical things you can do if you can afford it, like getting a cleaner and online grocery deliveries help too. I used to use my lunch hour to meal plan and do finances.

Have a look on YouTube at Fun, Cheap or Free by Jordan Page. She has a whole load on productivity- she has adhd and struggled like you with sticking to her plans. She has a fantastic system in how to utilise time which for me has now become ingrained. I use Trello (my husband and I both have access) as an app on my phone with our daily to do list. It works really well as it keeps us both on track.

Big changes are scary and you probably won't feel better until you start and get into things. Try and remember that while you're tired now, you'll be a few months along by then and things could be entirely different
Eat well and take vitamins and get as much sleep as you are able and it will help.

You will find a rhythm and a routine. Eg

baby’s clothes and your clothes set out the night before, bags packed

equitable split of nursery runs eg he takes, you pick up

cutting yourself some slack if it feels your brain isn’t operating quite like it used to. No one else will notice

plan for when baby is sent home from nursery ill, ideally split responsibility with DP. This needs to be sustainable - my DD was off nursery for one day in three for the first two months

only work your hours. 4 days can become “5 but only paid for 4” very easily. Assume no one else will be managing your workload

use these few months to do anything you can to help your baby sleep through the night independently (easier said than done, I know!)

you’ll be ok, and get into a pattern very quickly. Good luck!

Take one day at a time and be kind to yourself. It may feel at times like you are neither parenting or doing your work to the standard you wish. This feeling will pass as you get into it.

Oh and I second the plan what happens if baby is sent home sick from nursery or its closed. If your partners job allows it it will really help you settle in if he can cover most of it in your first month's back while you pass probation. If not most then at the very minimum 50/50. Keep a record of it in case employer asks.

My very first thought was "have a plan for when baby is sent home sick from nursery". IME they catch everything from each other and then pass it to you, so you will also be run down by constantly catching colds. Take daily vitamins, and have a cupboard well stocked with Vicks First Defence and paracetomol.

I would also add:

• shared calendar or planning app with DP. Review it together at the weekend.
• let housework slip. Declutter frequently.
• buy everything online to save time shopping. Bundles of kids clothes from Vinted so you have plenty for nursery. Book a weekly online grocery shop.

Personal time often suffers - i fou d that around age 4 things improve again as long as your kid doesnt have SEN.

You just cannot afford to be disorganized, so you will improve and learn to love lists and reminders.

I put a list of what DD needed to take to childcare on the fridge. Then all I had to do was check the list each morning rather than remember what was needed. DD goes to nursery 2 days and a childminder for 2 days, with things like wellies I get 3 pairs, so she has a pair at home and 1 each at nursery and the childminder so we don't have to pack them each day. We do weekly meal plans that are put on the fridge door, with quick meals on the nights we get home later. And if I'm making something like shepherds pie or lasagne, I'll double the ingredients and make 2 so one can be kept on the fridge or freezer for a quick meal on another day. I also have my weekly shops delivered to make things easier.
You do get into a rhythm and it'll get easier.
DH and I share drop offs and pick ups and try to alternate taking time off when DD is sick.
We also got a cleaner for 2 hours a week after I'd been back to work for a few months which really helped as I didn't have to spend my weekends doing it.

Do you have a plan for studying? Will you get study leave from work? If not I'd book the fifth day in nursery if you can afford it. I often have to do a bit of work in evenings and on weekends and it's hard to fit that in, something like studying where you need to properly concentrate would be even worse.

I used to be so tired at work I'd sit on the toilet and close my eyes for a couple of mins. It was dark and cool in there.
When we had DD2 the child minder phoned the health visitor about us because she thought we both looked too tired 😁.
As a PP said - you'll get through it. People do. The first 18 years are the worst! 😁. After that you're knackered from staying awake until they get home from the pub/nightclub.

It depends on your job obviously but I personally find it less tiring than being on mat leave! I have a senior role where I can organise my own time, it's intellectually challenging but not physically/emotionally challenging.

My tips:

Agree a pattern of nursery pick ups and drop offs - we tried alternating but found we preferred fixed days

Meal plan and online grocery order

Take occasional day off when child is in nursery to catch up on bits and pieces/or just to have a rest - we try to do this once every three months or so

Controversial and not for everyone but I also recommend sleep training

Take occasional day off when child is in nursery to catch up on bits and pieces/or just to have a rest - we try to do this once every three months or so

Yes this! And also use it to get out together. We don't have family nearby so unless we book a babysitter that's our only chance. We do the odd lunch with a glass of wine and try and WFH on the same day every so often and go to a local cafe for lunch.

As others have said, it might take a while to find your rhythm but you will get there.

Take occasional day off when child is in nursery to catch up on bits and pieces/or just to have a rest - we try to do this once every three months or so I tried to do this but inevitably would gey a call from nursery to pick up LO. Also was having enough time off at short notice to deal with childcare so was eating into my holiday.

Sickness is hard - sympathies!

We can both WFH which makes it easier - when the little one is ill, we both WFH around each other and the kiddo and catch up in the e evening but appreciate we are lucky to be able to do that

Ah yes I had to do a bit of that too! It's tricky isn't it! I had no idea how hard until I experienced it.

Thank you for the great tips.

Although I have to admit I’m not sure it’s made it less terrifying, I hadn’t really accounted for having to take lots of days off during my probation for him being sick 😣 Eeek.

I think we’d already said that we’d try to take half a day each when he was sick, working from home. That way neither of us would be missing a full day and we could catch up a bit extra during naps and in the evening. Although obviously that wouldn’t work if one or both of us were already in the office that day. But yes, sharing evenly would be the plan.

I really like the idea of set days for our rota of pick ups/ drop offs so we can get into a routine but would require us to each have set WFH and office days and I think we’ll need to be more flexible.

@PoTayToes80 try not to worry - just think of all the previously impossible seeming things you’ve done in the last year or so! It becomes the new normal.

Re: sickness, how old will your DC be when they go to nursery? We had a triple whammy of lockdown baby plus 1 year jabs plus winter when DD started. Be aware that the 1 year jabs can provoke illness-like reactions on top of bugs caught at nursery so it can be a perfect storm of fever/poo/snot. Not always a lot you can do about scheduling the jabs, but if you’re going back before or significantly after DC is 1 year, feel reassured that that could help. Alternatively, maybe consider starting nursery a little while before you start work, if finances allow? (Mine didn’t)

DD had a longer period off recently and I found the half day solution pretty manageable. Although I do still fantasise about a time when I could just get my work done in the expected fashion without the threat of illness exclusion, bad weather closures etc. looming over me!

Try to see managing childcare as an additional part of your job, something you need to actively do, rather than something that just happens.

Congratulations on your baby and on your new job - it must feel daunting but this is such an exciting time for you. Try to enjoy the perks! (For you: adult conversation, loo breaks in peace, for DC: so much fun and learning and new special in their life)