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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Anyone read 'How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk'?

42 replies

VanillaPumpkin · 02/02/2008 13:19

I have just started this and think it is great so far. It is making sense to me and I can see my faults written down in black and white. It also seems more realistic for me than some of the other behaviour plans and ideas i.e. I think I can follow the ideas and they will suit our family.... So did it help you? Could you stick to the plans? Will it make a difference or am I dreaming too much???

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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awaywiththefaeries · 03/02/2008 18:53

darn!

this one even

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 03/02/2008 18:55

Sounds like another book I need.....

alicet · 03/02/2008 19:08

I have this book too only at the moment it's getting put at the bottom of the pile behind all the trashy chicklit I have got from the library! Also got one about sibling rivalry by the same authors....

Think I have a while though - ds1 is 2 and ds2 4 months but I was trying to be prepared!

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Pruners · 03/02/2008 22:22

Message withdrawn

Maidamess · 03/02/2008 22:33

Thanks away. I am having communication problems with my 12 year old at the moment, so will peruse that thread at my leisure!

Original poster

VanillaPumpkin · 04/02/2008 10:56

There is a teenage version as well which might be good for your 12 yo???

OP posts:

Browny · 04/02/2008 10:59

VanillaPumpkin, do you know what the teenage version is called please? I need all the help I can get with my dd2 and she's only 10!

Original poster

VanillaPumpkin · 04/02/2008 11:09

I think it is just called How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk. Authors are the same.
I think on Cods thread there are links to School Link who were selling the two for £4.99 .

OP posts:

Browny · 04/02/2008 12:21

VP - thank you so much, I'm off to find Cod's thread now .

Browny · 04/02/2008 13:18

VP - thank you - I've just ordered them from School Link , fingers crossed that they'll help .

ItsPotatoesForYouMyLad · 04/02/2008 21:51

VP - highjack - how's dd doing at school?

Original poster

VanillaPumpkin · 05/02/2008 10:19

Oh hello ItsPotatoes. How are things with your ds too??
DD1 is definately better but we are still having one bad day a week I would say. She has been bad tempered in class stamping through story time and getting shouted at by the teachers and refusing to join in but all of this has been reported back to me by her so I am assuming the teachers see it as a 'normal' range of behaviour and will let me know when I need to be worried . The days she is bad start with her being very clingy in the mornings and then she refuses to go into school and then refuses to let me go, I obviously leave and she then gets very angry and upset and unfortunately that affects her mood for the rest of the day.
This morning she began by being clingy and I thought 'Oh no', but actually I took an idea indirectly from this book and said that I would write a note from me for her to take to school with her to keep in her book bag and if she felt sad she could look at it and remember what it said. She really liked that idea and ran to get the paper. I asked her what she wanted me to write and she told me to say have a good day at school I then put that we would be thinking of her and that the note was full of lots of love for her etc etc. We put it in an envelope and in her bag and had a fabulous drop off this morning . She knows not to get it out during class but I said to her that she would know it was there.....Anyway it worked for this morning so that was one more hurdle crossed. Half term next week which will be good as she is still totally exhausted but I am hoping the problems don't start again after... I have stopped the post school tantrums by arriving at the door to collect her with a banana or biscuit or something. She is ready for a snack and I could not believe the difference that made too. We collected her friend yesterday and I had forgotten a snack for her so I couldn't give dd hers until we got home and we had a fabulous tantrum getting her into the car . This book is really helping me though. I was so much more patient than I have been and although it took a while I did manage to calm her by talking rather than threatening to take away the tv that night or the naughty step which would have continued her frenzy....Can you tell I love this book and I am still only half way through.
Gosh what an essay . I do hope things are better for your ds too. Let me know...

OP posts:

Original poster

VanillaPumpkin · 05/02/2008 10:20

Oh, Browny I meant to say can you let us know what the teen version is like? I have a while (I hope) to worry about that but it would be interesting to have that feedback . Glad you found the link.

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Browny · 05/02/2008 10:44

VP - of course I'll let you know what the book is like.. I need both books as my kiddies range from 12 years old down to a three year old (two boys and two girls). I read your post and really hope that the tips in the book help me just as much as it's helped you .

ItsPotatoesForYouMyLad · 05/02/2008 12:16

VP - wow you really like this book don't you!!! . ds still cries more days than not when dropping off at school, but we're getting there. (i've posted on original thread but not sure anyone'll see it)
pots

ItsPotatoesForYouMyLad · 05/02/2008 12:19

just searched for book on amazon - who is it by?

Original poster

VanillaPumpkin · 05/02/2008 12:49

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Hope it helps. What a shame about your ds still. Hard isn't it. One of dd's little friends is still upset at drop off each day .
Will find thread later. Off to toddlers now.
The book is on Amazon, but cheaper on SchoolLink I believe (two books inc this one for £4.99)
And yes I love the book. I want everyone to read it now lol.
There are bits that won't work for us and it is a bit American, but overall I like the style of parenting. And I like the authors too. They have three children each and have made mistakes (and smacked etc) and had to change themselves so they are quite realistic. I read a bit last night about how hard it is to let go of your child and encourage their independance. This really struck a chord with me......I am still dressing dd1 for school in the mornings at the moment even though she always dressed herself for nursery. This is because she is so tired it quickly becomes an issue and because I want to help her and show her I am there for her. It is right for us at the moment and I am not bothered as I know she can do it but I am hoping to get her to dress herself after half term. I was helping her change after school too, but she has done that herself the last few days without prompting or me asking so I know she will take her independance back again...But also if I am honest part of me has liked her needing me again....Anyway I am waffling again and will be late opening toddlers....

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