Breastfeeding - help

[Mimx94]

Im a ftm, daughter is just under 2 weeks old. I breast fed in the hospital for the first three days. She would feed for 40 min then cry like she was still hungry, my nipples were bleeding and sore. On day 4 they weighed her and said she’d lost 11 percent of birth weight and recommended I bottle feed formula, she also had tongue tie. I was panicked and just wanted her to feed so did this not having a clue how difficult it would be to then go back to breast and how often you have to express to keep flow going.
Its now been 8 days and I’ve only been expressing twice a day, I’ve really struggled with finding the time to feed her/express/sleep/clean etc and my milk flow is drying up. Can only get 30ml max at a time and she’s on 120ml formula.
I also struggle with getting her in a position to feed on breast and when I try she cries like it’s causing her stress.
I feel like such a failure because I always thought I would breast feed, I was so ignorant to how hard it is.
shes had her tongue sorted yesterday and and I have an appointment with a lactation consultant in a few days but I just feel like it’s no use.
I need to make a decision as the whole thing is stressing me out! do I try harder or give up :-(

Expressing is not an indication of how much milk you have. I could never express that much and I ebf for 6 months and I’m still feeding 3 1/2 years later.

If you want to get back then see the lactation consultant. In the mean time get your baby on your boob as often as possible. Watch YouTube video of how to do it. It can take professionals weeks to get a good latch for themselves or someone can change it in a few days.

Your doing great xx

Please try not to stress. You are absolutely not a failure.
If your beautiful baby (congratulations!) is drinking some milk from somewhere and putting on weight that's the main thing.

I BFed both my kids but I didn't have a very tricky start, the usual cracks and pain then quite a late tongue tie found.
Once this was sorted and I had seen a breastfeeding specialist I found it much easier and I fed for over 18m with my first and 26m with my second.

I'm only saying the above to show that I am really pro breastfeeding, but not when it brings detriment to your MH or physical wellbeing.

In your situation, if you want to persevere a bit longer I would also contact a local BFing group such as La Leche League who are really helpful or any local FB BFing group. Physical groups with women who have been through it are really helpful.

However, if you don't want to and have had enough then this is OK too. Hope you find some local support, BFing is a wonderful thing to do (when it bloody works).

Get some Lansinoh, it says to put it on after a feed, but I always put a tiny bit before it sore. I used 11 tubes with my 3rd child who had an appalling latch.
Try skin to skin as much as possible, this will also stimulate milk.
Order some nipple shields as the consultant might suggest you try these. Have some ready.
Try a different position. If the damage is in one area, a slightly different position will be more bearable and let you heal a bit.
Good luck. I’ve fed 3 and how easy it is varies ++ my 3rd was way harder to feed than my 1st.

Oh and forget cleaning. If you want to restart breastfeeding you need lots of time in bed/the sofa holding your baby (and watching TV).

Oh OP I really feel for you. I desperately wanted to feed my DD and she never fed and we formula fed. I beat myself up about it massively but she is so healthy and happy and we have an amazing bond.
I'm now EBF my DS who's 15 weeks. When we left the hospital he was almost exclusively on formula and we got it back to fully breastfed within two weeks. We did lots of skin to skin, offering the breast all the time, tons of lansinoh. My midwife said breastfeeding is your job now, it's a full time job - and she was right. It does get easier.

I should have added if bf doesn’t work there is nothing wrong with ff. It doesn’t make a difference to individual’s health and there are some things which are easier with it.

I would stop expressing, stop giving formula.

Your day is so tied up with all of this and it's no wonder you're exhausted.
Expressing milk doesn't increase your supply. Feeding your baby does that.
You need to stop giving formula because essentially your milk is drying up. That's why your baby is unsatisfied.

Just sit with the baby and exclusively breastfeed for a few days.

Firstly try not to stress, your baby is being fed and that's the most important thing. Pumping very little does not mean that you don't have milk it's just that your baby is more efficient for getting milk out. When my baby was small I had the same worries and was topping up with 30/60ml of formula once or twice a day. I reduced this once I'd seen the lactation consultant and had more confidence in myself. It's easy to overfeed with formula - my baby is 19 weeks now and has a bottle of breastmilk or formula before bed and will only take 90ml max. Are you pace feeding the bottles so that baby is only taking what they need to stop them being over fed/tummy being stretched? It's so hard in those early days so do what you need to do - if breastfeeding isn't for you then there's no shame in that. I found when I took away the pressure on myself I found it much easier although those first weeks are hard. Xx

Sorry just to add - have you any breastfeeding groups near you? I went along to 'boob club' when my baby was 4 weeks old and found the support amazing! Lots of other mums there and we all had the same worries about supply etc! We all look back now and say we wished we had more confidence in ourselves x

When my nipples were cracked and sore and I was about to give up bf on day 3 (tongue tied baby aswell), nipple shields meant I could carry on. I used the MAM ones. My baby also lost a lot of weight and we ended up back in hospital triple feeding, which was hellish. In the end I sacked off the pumping, put baby to breast as much as possible, topped up with formula and ate as many oats as could stomach! 11 weeks later I am bf except for a late night bottle of formula with dh so I can sleep. We also managed to wean off the shields after a few weeks. La leche helpline was amazing, as well as local support group.

I completely agree with this, and it's been over 20 years since I fed mine. You're doing everything you can, the lactation consultants can be really helpful and can make a difference. But either way, don't beat yourself up. You love your little one and clearly want to do your very best for them, so if BF isn't quite possible, that's fine. You sound like a really lovely mum.

Completely agree with above, expressing does not tell you anything about your milk supply other than you have expressed x number of millilitres.

Best advice I can think of is just go to bed with your baby and get them on the boob a lot. Skin to skin contact promotes breastfeeding too, I sat in bed with with both of mine tucked into my dressing gown for hours which really helped. I would suggest holding them for naps too and offering boob whenever they stir or wake.

A lactation consultant is absolutely the way to go - they can help you with latch and positioning and your confidence too.

Also stop cleaning and tidying, it's not the most important thing right now plus once you have kids you have to accept that something somewhere in your house is always going to be dirty and messy regardless of how anyone feeds! X

Nipple shields are a godsend and ignore any one who tells you they interfere with bf. Both of mine started with nipple shields as were in ICU. The nipple on the shield is so huge that it means they don’t have to have such a big suck. And both were ebf and carried on. DD for about 14 months,DS had to go cold turkey eventually!
Find a group near you as well - they will meet next week as it is a lifeline as well as a good way to meet people who may become friends for life 😀

Breastfeeding is so difficult at the start, my little girl also had a tongue tie which was finally cut at 4 weeks old the following day she rejected nipple and bottle. The following week was hard work constant crying and her being hungry, went to a breastfeeding support group and she latched textbook perfect infront of them (decided at that point it's not me it's her and made absolute peace with potentially ending breastfeeding altogether). The best advice I was given was to always offer the nipple first and if she's still starving after feeding from both nipples then top up with a bottle, we also always gave a formula bottle at bedtime just so that I could get a solid 3/4 hours sleep. Silver nipple cups for the sore nipples made a huge difference as well really helps soothe them. You also can't compare the amount of breastmilk against the amount of formula as your breastmilk is more nutritionally dense so the baby may only need 1oz breastmilk per feed compared to 3oz of formula. I tried to exclusively pump when we were having issues with latching but it's just as tiring pumping every 2 hours to start with, there's an insta page called themilknest she gives really good tips on there and might be worth a look especially as she sticks with fed is best and fully supports all feeding options

Please don't stress you are not a failure.

Breastfeeding is really hard on the early days and it's been harder for you cause if the tongue tie. That should make things better now.

I promise it gets easier. Thanks to best just to take things a day at a time just now. Then it gets easier. Then it gets easy.

Try and get to a bf support group. That saved me. Being able to speak to other bf mums in the same position.

I really do promise it will get easier.

The midwives should have told you that 10% weightloss in ebf at day 3 is totally normal and is not a sign of any problems. Usually they regain their birthweight by day 10 and that would be classed as bf going well.

If you want to bf then you need to stop doing all the other stuff (cleaning, cooking etc) and spend a week doing as much skin-to-skin as possible, expecting to have your DC on/attached to your boobs 24/7.

The reality of ebf is that babies do fuss, cry, beat and headbutt boobs, seem unsatisfied, want to feed every 5 minutes etc That is how they increase your milk supply. It is hard work and can feel relentless (I've ebf 3).

In some ways FF is probably easier & when you need a break someone else can take DC. With ebf you can't leave DC but you never have to bother with bottles, sterilisation, worry about the price/supply of formula etc

You may want to mix feed but you will still need to establish bf and it's near impossible to do that by expressing.

I've never been able to express more than 40ml at a time - it's not an indication of your supply.

Good luck whatever you decide

The key to successful breastfeeding is proper latching on.

Baby needs to take the nipple deep into the mouth and milk the breast by jaw movement. The ears should wiggle if they are doing it right.

Anything less, will hurt, not stimulate the areola, reduce the let-down and not keep your supply going.

Get in touch with your lactation consultant and make sure she helps get you secure at latching baby properly. Get her to watch you until you're 100% confident.

Very best wishes for a long and satisfying nursing partnership for you and baby x