Support from MIL

[Malimay]

Hi! DH and I have two children 3 and 1 and another little one on the way next summer. We have next to no support from my family unfortunately and very little from his either which has always been the way and actually we manage well I think. But - his mum lives nearby and says she loves the children and wants to spend time with them… yet when I ask him to try and arrange some babysitting so that we can either do something together or try and get some life admin done, he says she gives a really vague answer and won’t commit to anything which I’m finding hugely frustrating. I don’t have a wonderful relationship with my MIL - she’s generally a difficult woman - but do I now step in and ask her myself? Why won’t DH just take the reins and get something firmly in the calendar? I can’t work out if he’s the problem or she is but we’re ending up arguing about it constantly.

Maybe she wants to spend time with them but not being the one solely looking after them! Do you get together for lunch/dinner/days out?

Maybe. We don’t do days out etc, she works Monday to Friday and will go away at weekends (she has a holiday home somewhere else). Maybe I just need to accept she doesn’t want to babysit?

Do you actually see your MIL socially or do you just want her to babysit? Have to say 3 under 4 would be a handful for many grandparents, especially if she is working and doesn’t have much free time

We don’t see her socially, she will often say she’s too busy to do things with us. But you’re right, 3 under 4 is a lot for most people. I think I’ve answered my own question here and need to understand that maybe it’s too much to ask of her.

I don’t think you can expect her to babysit. Sounds like she is pretty busy with work etc and she has done her parenting. We didn’t have any family to babysit either, so we joined a babysitting circle, and took it in turns to babysit for other families in exchange for them babysitting for us.