Anyone with experience of a baby in PICU?

[Geordiebabe85]

Hi,
My 5 month old just spent a week in PICU. He had bronchiolitis and GP sent us to A and E and everything suddenly went mad. He went floppy in a Dr's arms and was suddenly being taken to theatre to be put on a ventilator. Then we were transferred to a children's hospital by blue lights then into PICU.

He's fine now, home and back to normal but he's also not normal. He's a million times more clingy and seems to have forgotten / regressed on skills such as rolling and grabbing. Is this normal? The nurses kept telling me to go and rest but now I feel guilty that i left him overnight and while I went for food or to see his sister. I don't know if he knows I left him and that's why he's now so clingy. I also think I should've reacted sooner and gone to hospital sooner.
I'm also a mess. Keep having nightmares about it and seeing him with all the tubes. I'm terrified of something happening again and I'm tempted to almost go back to lockdoen to keep him and his sister safe. I know I'm overreacting. He's fine and he's home.
Has anyone else ever felt like this after a PICU stay?

It sounds like you have been through a trauma and this will have left its mark on you. I haven't been through this specifically but have had another traumatic experience involving my child and it took me a while to recover.

Thank you. I feel a bit ridiculous feeling like this when he's fine now.

Hi Georgiebabe
You and your baby have been through a massive trauma. It’s very normal to feel the way you are feeling and, I think, for your son to be more clingy and much less willing to explore/practice skills. I know this from experience - my baby was in PICU too (with septicaemia). He’s almost 15 now 😊.

Reliving some of that time can still bring me to tears - it was so incredibly stressful - certain moments in particular.

I also believe that it was a really traumatic experience for my son - though he’d also had several others too - having been born 10 weeks early.

He was still pre term (though we had been discharged 3 weeks before from nicu) when he had his PICU stay - so young that I couldn’t tell/didn’t know that he was affected. But I think he was. .

It won’t be anything to do with leaving his side (we did the same) - but I firmly believe the life threatening experience babies can’t interpret but still feel.

With hindsight I wish I’d known more about emotionally healing from trauma. It would have helped me (and therefore my son) a lot.

My advice would be - you will both heal best from this experience through accepting it for what it was (very traumatic) and being gentle with yourself. Possibly seeking some therapeutic help if you feel you would like it. The nightmares now will probably pass with time, but if you continue to have those, and your worries continue for more than a few more weeks, maybe finding someone to help you process the experience (a therapist) might be worth considering.

Go with the clinginess - respond to it by keeping him close - it’s your babies way of showing that he’s still fearful of the experience he’s had and he needs to be close to you. Get support for yourself if that is feeling really hard to do. With time, I would expect your baby to feel safer again, and be really to explore and learn some more. If you are interested, you could read more about babies attachment behaviour and the impact of trauma on people generally. I think people don’t really understand the impact on babies yet. All I can say is that from my experience, there is an impact, and soothing parental care is the way to heal that.

Hope that helps a bit. Take care xx

Some great posts above. I'm an ex
PICU nurse and a parent who had a critically ill baby too.
You have had a very traumatic experience. So has your baby.
You both need time to process what has happened, catch your breath and heal physically and psychologically.
My little one is 10 now and I still have little flash backs of how scared and frightened I was when he was in resus. It's less than it was by a country mile but it won't ever leave me as I look at him and thank the stars he's still here.
Being a paeds nurse didn't help. I knew the worried but cheery outlook when staff wanted to act quickly but not wanting to create panic.
Give yourselves time, give him the cuddles because he needs them and you probably do too

Thank you for sharing your experiences. Sounds like you and your son really went through it!

I'm a primary teacher and I've had some training in trauma, I just never really thought of it affecting a baby. Sounds stupid now cos obviously it would have been traumatic for him.
Thank you for the reassurance thar it was OK to leave him.
I'll do as you say and keep him close. Hopefully this will pass.

Thank you. The staff were fab but at one point the panic was quote obvious and I think that was one thing that really panicked me.

I just keep reminding myself that he's here, he's OK and we all survived.
Thank you.

Hello I’ve had a baby in NICU and PICU.

it is a trauma and 11 years on I still hate the beeping sounds I heard when I’m hospital (if it comes on the news and television). DH and I have definitely developed health anxiety as a result sadly.

I think the biggest lesson I took is I learnt the signs of bronchiolitis and also this then developed into viral wheezing for our eldest DD. The doctors gave us a blue inhaler to keep at home (with a spacer) and prednisilone. However she has now grown out of this.

With regard to the trauma I have a very independent 11 year old! Very bright and bless her so loving. Lots of cuddles OP and if your little one catches a cold just keep an eye out, we can’t shelter them or ourselves.

Very wise words. Thank you!