Feel like I’m a crap mum always playing catch up

[newmumtopreciousbaby]

My baby (nine months, born 34+6 weeks) was preterm and is behind on some stuff - can’t get into a sitting position by himself though can sit, doesn’t roll though can, doesn’t seem that good at bringing food to his mouth (only just started finger foods). Ahead on others (super social, sits through long stories, has said at least 8 words.

But I just feel like I’m a terrible mum. All the other mums are making food from scratch and I’ve been giving too many pouches. They’ve all put their babies in their own rooms and they sleep through, I’m exhausted from waking eight times a night. They’re all relaxed about illness while mine has been in hospital so we can’t socialise atm. They’re all cutting back on feeds while I’m still feeding on demand. I was too worried about choking to do BLW. I haven’t baby proofed much as I don’t have time.

I just feel like I’m behind on everything, like I’m not devoting enough time to my baby (I work freelance). I feel guilty and exhausted. I know I have low self-esteem (and I’m in therapy for anxiety), but how do I stop feeling like I’m doing everything wrong? Will this pass?

Aside from the night wakings my baby is happy and I love him so much.

You have a happy, loved baby who is fed appropriate food.

You on the other hand are sleep deprived, have a young baby, maybe a traumatic start to mother hood, juggling work (do you have childcare) and are being harsh on yourself.

It sounds like you are doing a good job but need to cut yourself some slack.

I’m a sahm and my youngest is 3. I’m struggling this week after my kids have yet another viral infection. It’s the sleep deprivation which is the killer. This eventually improve. In tricky times you need to accept any help you can get (I don’t get much) and cut corner).

Who are ‘all the other mums’?

Mama, breathe!
You are doing an amazing job.
Stop comparing yourself and your baby to others, you are perfect just the way you are.
You are everything your baby needs right now.
My baby is 9 months also and still wakes up every 1/2hours at night and hasn’t cut down on feeds. I think it’s completely normal and I’m okay with that. Just try to go with the flow and trust that things are exactly how they are meant to be for the moment.
Treasure everyday with them because they grow up so fast.
But at the same time, try to find some time just for yourself because it sounds like you are burnt out. Something as simple as going to a coffee shop by yourself with a book for an hour or so, can really help.
Peace and quiet is important for us i think, especially after having a baby. It’s so easy to get stuck in auto pilot and constantly being ‘needed’ and it’s okay to take some time for yourself.

In my experience, "all the other mums" don't willingly present the truth to outside observers.

Nothing you are doing is wrong, behind, inadequate or anything like that. How to feed your baby solids is a choice. Where they sleep is a choice. Both of your choices are totally valid. Physical development stuff happens at different points for different babies, your baby is absolutely within expectations.

Give yourself a break, be kind to yourself as much as you possibly can.