FOMO

[StressedOutMama7808]

Does anyone else feel left out after having a newborn?

My baby is 12 weeks and EBF. I’ve tried giving her a bottle but she just doesn’t take it. Whether it’s formula or breast milk.

Today my husband asked me if I wanted to go over to his mums to watch the football game tomorrow with his family. They're going to order pizza.

A) I can’t eat cheese because my baby has CMPA (which isn't a big deal I can get vegan, but I love pizza and it makes me sad watching people it eat with all that gooey cheese wow)
B) I always get stuck in a different room feeding or trying to put my baby to sleep when I go there.

Not to mention it’s going to be really loud, so I’ll get really stressed out if my daughter doesn't settle.

I really enjoy spending time with family, so the fact that I can't go, or enjoy myself whilst I'm there just makes me feel really upset and isolated.

I haven’t been able to go anywhere without my baby whether that’s for a coffee with my friends or an evening out. I usually take her for walks and when she's asleep, I'll sit in a cafe but it's different when you're on your own!

I don’t even like football, but I just feel so sad that I can’t do normal things, because I have a baby that wants (needs!) me 24/7.

This is my second, so I know it isn't permanent, but I just feel really lonely sometimes. DH is very supportive, but ultimately he will never understand.

Surely the beauty of being around family is that you can hand the baby to someone else and enjoy yourself?

They can't really settle DD.

Also, they're all huge football fanatics, whereas I'm not.

It would be unfair to make them leave the room to settle little one whilst the game is going on that they're more invested in than I.

If I were you I'd go, bags the most comfortable bit of the sofa, latch baby on, snuggle down, order vegan pizza and demand people bring you drinks while you feed baby and relax

Honestly I'd just go, it's your second, and the sooner they get used to being out and about the easier it will be to settle them somewhere new. I hated people leaving me out of stuff when my babies were tiny, would jump at the chance of getting out of the house

I agree with the others, just go. There's no need to go into a different room and surely DD will just nap in your arms?

The noise shouldn't matter, I would just go and not worry about baby sleeping, as long as they are fed, warm and cuddled they will be fine.

Don't make yourself a prisoner.

I'd relax a bit. So what if she doesn't settle? You give her to granny for a pram walk while you sit back and eat biscuits. Alternatively don't bother about settling her at all in a different room, let her sleep on you or a family member.

I agree with the others, I would go. Maybe have a conversation with your partner beforehand about how you’re feeling? You might be able to think of a way that you could both socialise and work together to ensure baby is happy and you both have a good night.

You sound like you’re putting yourself under a lot of pressure, you deserve to enjoy yourself. It’s family and they’ll understand if baby is grumpy or crying. Go and be with other adults and make the most of your vegan pizza!

I used to go out a lot (albeit they were a bit younger then), as I found them very portable! I’m guessing at 12w they are doing more of a routine, what time would you usually put them to bed? I tried to make as much noise as possible and they just got used to it and slept through it all. If they’re still going to be up at that time, can’t the family have a cuddle (I bet they’d love it), then just pass back for a feed? Can you get a different take away or bring a nice treat for yourself over?

You're creating reasons you "can't" go. If you wanted to enough you would. Stop trying to control everything.

I know what you mean OP. Not focusing too much on this specific example but having a breastfed only baby is tough. I got to a point where I felt just like this. Husband would get to go out and do whatever he liked but I had to take baby with me or run out for an hour or so and make sure I was back for the next feed. Its mentally exhausting Nd you feel like you aren't yourself anymore.

It will get better. Mine is 10 months now and on solids so can get much larger chunks of time to myself. And once they start sleeping more at night it's easier.

I would still go to the family. You do feeding then pass baby to your husband to settle while you relax. If he's not good at settling then he needs to practise.

For some reason my husband whilst not great at a lot of hands on dad stuff, could get him to sleep within minutes. Think it's because he rocked him so hard, baby loved it.

Will respond to all the generic questions here.

In regards to leaving the room, if DD cries for a nap I can't just hold her to sleep if people are screaming at the tv. When I settle her in a different room, it isn't as simple as going back into the main living room as the noise will wake her up.

I'm not making up scenarios, I go there very regularly (at least once a week) and have found myself regularly stuck in a different room on my own, because DD wakes up around the noise.

I'm not bothered if she isn't sleeping, as long as she isn't crying.

When you have a colic baby it isn't as simple as just letting them sleep in the noise or leaving them to sleep in a different room. We cosleep since she doesn't like being put down.

Thanks @Brunilde. To be fair DH is very good at rocking DD but he currently has a football injury so he can't walk without crutches. Convenient 🙄

Have you changed names OP?

Oh I used an old name to make the original post but it used a recent name in the last post.

Oopsy.

@PritiPatelsMaker