Blended family/ partner issues

[Lulu19821]

I have been with my partner for 6 years. A few years ago somethings were said that tbh I can’t seem to get my head round still and leaves me in a bit of a mess emotionally. My son who is now 11 is slightly autistic. He struggles socially speaking to adults making small talk including to people he has know all his life. My partner struggles with him quite a lot. A couple of comments have upset me and I would like to get some advice on if I’m being unreasoning my thinking. She has called him a ‘project’ as she has to work on his issues a lot. I found this offensive you would call a child that . He just can be hard work getting to talk. She has also said that he is not the son she ever thought she would have. Since these comments I have struggled and will find myself defending other things that are said about him. He is not a naughty child at all just has some communication and confidence issues I guess. Any advice on this would be great as I’m finding it more and more difficult to maintain things being like this and being happy

How long ago was this, and is it continuing?

Slightly Autistic? Anyway, being AuDHD myself and the mother of an AuDHD child, there is not a chance I would be with someone who spoke about my disabled child that way.

About 3 years. It’s not for better. She makes comments about the fact he is non communicative with her but he struggles with all adults tbh. I work in Camhs and they have said it sounds like from
his behavioural traits he may be on the spectrum. I know as I work on Camhs that an assessment based on it would be near on impossible. She doesn’t give him much praise for things and when I have said he needs more praise she says that she would if he ever did anything good. I find it all
so hard these comments and she see noting wrong with it and how much it upsets me. I think I have let it go for so long and now I just have seen that this is gojng to be forever really

She says you can’t use him being perhaps on the spectrum for him
beinf non communicative that’s the answer I get. She says he talks to you . I’ve been the constant in his life his little safety blanket and I struggle with him
at times but I just ask him
lots to get him talking! I know how to seal
with it and don’t let it get to me I just go with it

Regardless if you work for cahms which I wonder in what capacity. I think your doing this lad an injustice not getting him any support and help he requires. What is he like a school? Could your dp be frustrating your not doing anything to help and support this child.

I took him to the gp twice for his moods and they signposted me to some leaflets. My son sat there are cried and said he didnt know why he as so unhappy. I self referred and they said only way they would take it any further is if school referred him but school dont see an issue. so im back to square one. Its not that my partner thinks i dont do enoug, in fact the opposite - she thinks i make excuses for him being sad and says he has nothing to be depressed about in his life. She doesnt believe in mental health illnesses and openly will say ppl just need to just get on with what life throws at them! So maybe you can see my frustrations?