Loosing the will to live DC don't go to sleep till gone 10pm

[onefedupmum]

Need some advice.

DS11 has a diagnosed sleep disorder he struggles to fall asleep, we've gotten into a Routine with his sleep medication that he goes to sleep (lights off etc) at 10pm which works well as he's eventually asleep by 11.30pm (with his meds).

DS7 has noticed that ds11 doesn't have lights off till late and now refuses to stay in bed till gone 10pm some nights he's still shouting out for me till gone 11pm 😳.

I'm finding it very hard and stressful, I don't get any down time to myself in the evenings. I'm up at 6.30am as ds11 gets picked up early by taxi for his Sen school so don't even get a proper nights sleep.

Any ideas on how the heck to get ds7 to stay in bed and actually asleep by 8.30/9? Even if I leave him at that time to go to sleep he constantly gets up or shouts and complains for hours.

How much screen time does he have? How soon before bed? Does he have a screen of any sort in his room? How much exercise does he get?

You say ‘if you want to have any screen time on Friday, you need to go to sleep and stop shoulting for me’.

At that age you need to explain to him why he needs to sleep and why DC1 doesn't until later.

Get him something to listen to white noise or audio books etc on to help him settle.

And then you need to start withdrawing privileges. He's old enough to know better.

He doesn't have screen time after 7pm. He reads in bed with a reading lamp that's a orange light so no blue light.

I've explained why ds11 is up later, taken away screen time the next day as punishment, I've even changed his duvet to a heavier blanket and still no improvements.

He gets a lot of excerise. We walk home from school which is twenty minutes walk, loads at school, we do walks on the weekend just nothing seems to tire him out. He's like it all day every day, just talks all the time, even his teacher says he's always on the go with asking lots of questions, being really active during school hours.
It's so exhausting on top of ds11 needs.

Just say you are not responding. Bed means bed, thats it. Also start earlier at 9pm. Be clear that after 9.30 is your time and screen priviliges are dependant on that being observed.

What are you doing when he gets up? Do you engage with him?

I'd go back to doing what I did when son was like 3 or 4 and doing this. So the Supernanny thing of telling him "it's bed time" and taking him by the hand to bed. Say nothing else and don't look at him when you do it.

If he calls again, go up but say nothing this time, dont look at him and put him back to bed.

Every time thereafter, just keep putting him back to bed, don't look at him and don't engage with him.

Keep doing it like this. See if that makes a difference. My son eventually got the message.

Urgh could he have ADHD I have dreadful sleep issues my diagnosis explained so much...

Don't think it's ADHD. He doesn't show any other signs other than talking constantly and sleep problems. He never used to struggle to sleep he would sleep 7pm to 7am up till he was 5 then it all seemed to change. He can also focus every well and remembers all kinds of facts etc.

His brother has ADHD and they are polar opposites.

What consequences does DS7 have for this behaviour?

Is he difficult to get up and tired in the day? Is there a chance of him having the same disorder?

Assuming nothing medical then I agree with pp to "supernanny" and set clear expectations thst he stays in bed from pthe time you want him to and that you will not be engaging. Put him straight back to bed every time and don't give him any attention. He is a bit old for this, but it definitely works on younger kids. Mine have learnt that trying to come back downstairs after lights has never and will never work, so they stopped trying. At 7 he should be old enough to understand that he is a different age to his brother and there will be different rules. Give him more attention earlier in the day and up to bedtime, so he knows that is the appropriate time.

Are they sharing a room? Because otherwise how does D2 even know what time D1 goes to sleep?
Anyway, the 7 year old needs to be in bed much earlier. It doesn't sound as if he is actually physically tired, if what you are saying is that his main exercise is a 20 minute walk home from school . Maybe he needs more? Park after school, or a sports club? Cubs?
Anyway, I'd get a strict routine going, and have him in bed for 730, then story, then you leave the room and he stays in bed. If he wants to read or listen to an audiobook then fine, otherwise he stays in his room quietly even if he is awake.
And tell him his brother is 4 years older so of course he goes to bed later! Don't engage, don't entertain arguments, he needs to see you mean business.