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Parenting

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How do you split contact time between both homes?

8 replies

MaisieBrumble · 11/12/2022 20:44

Just that really. Split with exDP for over two years and have had the same core routine for most of that time (barring a 6 month period where be didn't have DD over night). Exdp has announced he doesn't think this routine suites DD (preschool age) anymore and wants to change. He currently has DD three nights a week. Our week goes night at mine, two nights with dad, three nights with me, night at dad's. He's concerned there's too much going to and fro, even though he's usually dropping or picking up from nursery so DD would be going regardless of whose house she stopped at.
I think the routine suits DD, she knows what to expect and it's not been an issue for two years. I suspect he has a motive for wanting to change and I'm reluctant to do so for that reason as I don't really want to set a precedent where everytime he throws his toys out the pram, we change days and upset DDs routine.

Interested to hear other people's routines, though I appreciate its will very much depend on the child.

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PritiPatelsMaker · 11/12/2022 20:55

Do you have a child arrangements order in place @MaisieBrumble? Does he currently pay maintenance and do you think he's wanting to move to 50/50 so that he no longer has to pay?

MaisieBrumble · 11/12/2022 21:03

No, this is just what we agreed two years or so ago, he pretty much picked the nights he wanted and as they suited me aswell, that's what we went with. He doesn't pay maintaimance and never has even when he didn't have DD at all over night. He generally pays half of nursery fees and things like shoes, coats and I'm ok with that arrangement.

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MaisieBrumble · 11/12/2022 21:06

Just to clarify, he still only wants three nights, but all consecutive. The reasons I'm against this is that DD seems happy as is and also that when I have her she often asks when she is going to daddies next, so I feel four nights at mine would seem a long time for her to go with out seeing him. Though I know some children do have this arrangement and seem perfectly OK with it.

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PritiPatelsMaker · 11/12/2022 21:16

Which 3 nights does he want?

MaisieBrumble · 11/12/2022 21:24

Sunday, Monday and Tuesday

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underneaththeash · 11/12/2022 21:41

Do those nights work for you? Ic not, just say no. You could always do a rolling three?

TalkToTheHand123 · 11/12/2022 22:51

Mine is usually to accommodate her dad, which kind of suits me luckily, but I'm quite flexible and if I really need to change certain days, I usually get them.

Ideally routine would be best but people need to realise it's not that easy and not as detrimental as some make out.

MaisieBrumble · 12/12/2022 13:21

No the nights arnt ideal for me as I've arranged work and child care around the current arrangement. If they were genuinely in DDs best interest, I would obviously have to rearrange, but I don't particularly want to when there is no reason to change the days

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