Feel like a terrible parent

[Hallo12345]

I’m not sure why I’m posting this really other than I don’t feel like I can tell anyone in real life.

I’m a stay at home mum to a 3 year old ds and 6 month old dd. I adore my children and I do feel like I do a good job with them, am good at handling my 3yo tantrums and whining etc.
However, sometimes since my dd has been born I get this awful feeling of rage. It can be triggered usually when I feel overwhelmed, if they’re both crying at the same time, if the toddler is disturbing the baby etc. today it was because baby was feeding for ages and ages and wouldn’t fall asleep, and toddler wanted to play with baby, was climbing all over me as I was feeding her. Eventually I put him out the room I was in and closed the door, told him to go and find something to play with while I put baby to sleep, but this was through really gritted teeth and a real feeling of rage. Yesterday it was because toddler was refusing to tidy up.

I just want to know, is this normal? I love parenting but sometimes I find it really overwhelming, toddler always has a thousand questions, baby always feeds to sleep, exclusively breastfed, won’t take a bottle. 3yo is so good with baby so I feel so guilty for feeling angry when really he’s a great boy, just a normal 3yo

Yes this is normal in my experience.

As long as you don't lash out physically when you feel like this and can control your actions, I think it's normal.

I mean, kids would try the patience of a Saint at times.

Yes, it's normal. Unfortunately.

With me it's my 3 year old refusing any food that isn't iced gems or biscuits, or clinging to me like a limpet. When I am on the toilet usually, and he is acting up because he has bashed a baby over the head with a toy or otherwise done something that makes him feel particularly vulnerable.

I would give a million pounds not to.

@Dacadactyl yes I don’t feel like I’d ever physically lash out, I don’t even shout normally (I do occasionally!) even though I feel like I want to! But I just don’t know where this awful angry feeling comes from over seemingly small things, seems disproportionate! Glad to hear it’s fairly normal though

I get this with DD too and feel awful about it. It's usually when she does something 'naughty' whilst I'm in a rush/got something going on that is causing me anxiety or am tired or don't have my other physical needs met. Or if she's touching me when I'm thinking about something important, kicking and poking at me. I suspect I'm ND in some way as I can't cope with some sensory things like noise/touch when I'm in an anxious state. I've also found it worse just before ovulation and just before my period starts. Whilst I'm not glad other people feel like this, it is reassuring to know it isn't me.

@Flowerfairy101 yes the rushing is another one for me! If we’re in a rush and he won’t get his shoes on ! But that’s my fault for not leaving us enough time! Just makes me so ragey! And I can definitely relate to the sensory thing as well, when he’s climbing all over me it just feels overwhelming, or too much noise e.g baby is crying and toddler is whining!

Yes unfortunately
I think it’s mainly tiredness and the relentless of it.
I was often teary or just simmering with anger. In between all the lovely bits of course.
My contraceptive implant made it way, way worse and I felt loads better when that was removed. They really pushed it for me after each baby and it didn’t suit me at all.

Now you’d never buy a buggy just for a 3 year old as of course they can walk…and a lot of people will suggest a buggy and a sling if you have two. But a sling hurt me for long walks and you can’t sit as easily. So if really recommend a baby jogger double buggy. You’ll be able to get one for about £150 2nd hand. Then you can use it to gain a bit of headspace. Mine would both fall asleep on a long walk.

Otherwise, try and get out in the morning and hope for a quiet afternoon.

We would often use ten buggy to go to the park, or to the shops. My older child would pick a piece of fruit from the green grocer, or a pork pie from the butcher 😂

Yep and even small stuff that's totally not her fault like her lifting up the wrong foot for the shoe I'm holding out continually when I'm going to be late for work. DD is 2.5 and has always slept awfully which doesn't help. I think partly its the constant being interfered with, dragged about, sat on, made to have your top zipped all the way up, having to share everything you eat..I always really enjoyed my own space and now I have none so I def get the desperate need to recharge away from DD.

Thanks. My 3yo does go to nursery some afternoons for a few hours so that helps hugely and I really enjoy our time together when he’s home. I think it is just the relentlessness of it all but I’m sure I’ll miss these days when they’re stroppy teenagers! And yes about sling, I used a carrier a lot with my first but this baby hates it 😂 and my toddler won’t sit in the pram so we do baby in pram and buggy board/walking for toddler but to be honest I avoid long walks with toddler and usually get my walking in when he’s at nursery!

@Montague22 yes we are pretty good at getting out the house anyway, we go to the park, different activities etc and I usually find parenting much easier out the house actually as I’m not getting annoyed about a messy house, baby sleeps better in the pram etc! And my toddler loves going to the supermarket 😂

@Flowerfairy101 oh 100% sometimes I miss my personal space!!

I'm grateful you poster this as I came here to write almost the exact same thing. It's less anger with me... Not sure what it is. I had a glass of water earlier and wanted to bite through it... Does that make sense? Definitely a sensory overload with 2 crying, constant demands from toddler,. The baby is actually pretty chill but I'm always anxious as the toddler can hit him especially when I'm feeding. Feeling proper shit

@Naturenamespourhomme yes that makes sense, for me it’s definitely like a teeth gritting anger 😬 mine is really good with the baby actually so thankfully I don’t have that to worry about but he can just be very very emotional and whiney